


Raro Amor Blooms

by Mutant_Toad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, F/M, Forced Marriage, Kidnapping, Loveless Marriage, Pregnancy, Secret Marriage, Sex for stress relief, Widowed, eventual affection, spousal abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:20:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 52,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9962969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mutant_Toad/pseuds/Mutant_Toad
Summary: Just before graduation, Severus Snape has it out one last time with the Marauders. As a result, an innocent in their feud is injured and Severus is given the choice on whether to spare her life or end her pain. Much to Severus' dismay, he feels he may have made the wrong choice as she is forced further into the world of the Death Eaters.





	1. Chapter 1

“We’re going to be late meeting the boys, Lav.”

“Sorry, Lily, I just don’t k-k-know what to wear t-t-tonight,” the dirty-blond girl looked at herself in the full length mirror. She was shorter than average, a little on the scrawny side, her hair hung limp, and her eyes were a dull brown. Nothing she did seemed to improve on any of it. Not without the use of magical aid that would have to be repeated in order to keep the appearance up. She paled in comparison to her two friends Lily and Mary. It was a common joke by some people that she was the Peter of the girls group, “Not that it m-matters, I guess…”

“You look fine,” and she had no trouble believing that Lily meant it. Lily Evans was too nice for her own good, “We’ll go meet the boys, have a drink, go to the party, and tomorrow we graduate Hogwarts and start our new lives.”

That was a little exciting. Lavender wanted to think that a new life is what she needed. It wasn’t as if her life was really all that bad. She had friends, average marks, and a decent family. Things could have been much worse. She wished she could have experienced something in the way of a school romance the way Lily had with James and Mary with Remus. But she supposed part of that was her own fault. She never put herself out there. Mostly because she knew the guy she had feelings for wouldn’t return them.

No. He had eyes for Lily. Which wasn’t surprising. She was smart, talented, and beautiful.

She brushed out the skirt of her dress before sighing a little, “Okay. Let’s go,” she wished she could wear something like Lily. Jeans and a nice shirt. Her family might have been open minded, but her mother would never let her wear anything so muggle. If not her school uniform, then a conservative knee length, black dress instead. Sleeve length no shorter than elbow length. Black, opaque tights, and black shoes similar to their school ones. No makeup, not that she really had an idea of how to use it properly anyway. No jewelry, not because she wasn’t allowed to wear it, but she never saw a point in it. She was a horribly average girl and expected her life would follow as such.

They were nearly out of the common room when a second year girl came up to Lily crying. They were graduating tomorrow and so Lily was still Head Girl for tonight, “Go on ahead. I’ll catch up.”

Lavender nodded before going off on her own. It was a warm night. No clouds and the moon glowed softly. It was a perfect night for a end of the year party. She didn’t drink much and she didn’t mingle very much, but it was nice to be invited. She’d probably spend the evening sitting off to the side making awkward small talk with Peter. That’s how it usually went. One time, Lily had suggested that Peter might like her, but she found that highly unlikely. Even if he did, she’d never be able to go out with him. She didn’t like him that way and didn’t like the idea of putting someone through being in a one sided relationship. It was a bit hypocritical, because she knew if the man she did have feelings for decided to ask her out, she’d say yes in a heartbeat even knowing he had eyes for someone else.

“Ackerly.”

The sound of her own name made her jump a little. She grabbed for her wand and spun on her heels. Her hand relaxed a little as she saw Severus Snape. She had no reason to be scared of him. Well, a little nervous, but not scared. She’d never spoken an ill will against him, much less tormented him the way some others did. Lavender knew how it felt to be a little different and left out, she wouldn’t pick on someone else who was obviously in a similar situation.

“S-Snape,” she stammered a little as he got closer. He was dressed nice. Black slacks, a black button up shirt, and a black vest. He always looked like that these days. His curtain of black hair framed his face and his dark brown eyes were piercing, “C-can I help you?”

“Where’s Lily?” a question she was used to hearing. No one ever needed to know where she was, but they always knew she could be expected to know where Lily was.

“I’m not sure. S-s-she said she’d be along later. Something came up w-w-with a younger girl. She’ll be at the pub though. We w-were all going to meet up there,” not that Snape was part of this ‘all’. He wasn’t one of them. Nor was he invited to the party. Not that Lavender would keep the location from him should he ask for it. It was their last night at school, she could deal with the scrutiny of inviting Snape in the name of end of the school year festivities. Lily said it was time to start their new lives. Why couldn’t those lives involve making friends and amends to people like Snape? “I was going to a-a-apparate there. You can come with, if you’d like,” how would James and Sirius feel if she walked in with him? She only knew them through Lily and was sure they only tolerated her for Lily. 

He didn’t answer her though. He didn’t even look at her as he started walking and moved past her quickly. She watched him walk past the school gates and apparate away. She’d planned on doing the same till he stopped her. It didn’t surprise her that he didn’t answer. He had no reason to. She wasn’t the person he wanted to speak with. It was normal for people to brush her off once they realized that she wouldn’t lead them directly to Lily or Mary.

The blond witch sighed softly. A new life. She just had to keep telling herself that things would change once they were all out in the world. 

Lavender apparated as soon as she got off school property and headed into the warm, loud pub. She didn’t see Severus anywhere, but she saw the table of four boys and headed for it. They were talking about the party tonight and who they were taking. They were teasing Peter a little about his yellow and red striped shirt as she settled into a seat at the end of the table. Remus nodded slightly to acknowledge her. They all knew she was really only there because they were all waiting on Lily. She wasn’t really one of them. 

“I like my shirt,” Peter defended himself.

“Maybe you could take, Lavvy,” Sirius teased a little and winked at the blond witch. Her cheeks warmed up a bright red.

“I...I...I’m not s-s-sure if I’m g-g-going,” her stammer always got worse when she was nervous. James reached over and pat her on the shoulder a bit and she wondered if her face was as red as a cherry yet. 

“Be nice, Sirius. Lavvy here is going to save herself for a better lot of men than us four,” there were times when she wondered what it was Lily saw in James Potter. He was arrogant and rude, but then there were the small glimpses of kindness that he showed that made her realize what Lily saw. She supposed it helped that he was attractive, “Have you seen Lily?”

And again, it always went back to Lily Evans. Pretty Lily. Smart Lily. Talented Lily. Trustworthy Lily. 

“S-she had to h-h-help a second year. S-she was c-crying. I think she got a b-b-bad test s-score.”

With that, the conversation moved on. Lily would be here soon with Mary and they would all head off and she would spend the night sitting in a corner somewhere till her friends were ready to go back to school. She hoped it wouldn’t be too late. She had a hard enough time getting going in the mornings without having been out till after midnight. 

The conversation started turning dark with Remus going on about choosing sides and how they might have to face friends in fights. Lavender planned on not being involved in any fighting if she could help it. Her family was pure-blood, but they weren’t purist. They also weren’t fighters. They would keep their heads low and do their best to just get by. She didn’t want to fight anyone. Friend or enemy. She saw nothing wrong with wanting a quiet life. 

Nervous that the conversation might start to get directed on her and she have to lie about anything to save a debate, she excused herself to the bathroom and prayed Lily showed up soon.

Lavender wasn’t gone long, but by the time she stepped back out into the main area of the pub, it seemed like a fight was about to start. Severus had shown up. She didn’t know what lead to the five boys all standing in front of the bar with their wands out, but it made her worried. 

“Four against one. How very brave,” Snape sneered.

“I don’t need them to take you down, Snivellus. I can take care of you myself,” James snapped back, “You all better watch your backs, this is Severus Snape, talented Dark Magics wizard,” he said rather loudly, letting everyone in the bar hear him as if they weren’t already listening. It made her bite her bottom lip as she heard him starting to get more and more cruel in his words, “Lily will never forgive you. Not after what you called her. A mudblood. Is that what you came here for? To talk to her? She will never forgive you,” he made sure to repeat it.

“It’s none of your business why I’m here, Potter. Just stay out of my way,” the black haired boy growled, “If you want to fight, then fine. But not here. We finish this somewhere else.”

“I know just the place,” she watched as James put out one of his hands. Remus, Sirius, and Peter put their hands on James’ shoulder. They were going to apparate. She saw Snape move his wand into his other hand and start to reach out.

“James!” it was Lily. She was in the door of the pub. Lavender saw the redhead started to run across the bar to get to her. Maybe Lily could put a stop to this. There was no reason for them to fight tonight. 

Her arm brushed Remus as the boy step forward a bit and she felt the breath slam out of her chest. She hadn’t meant to bump into them. Pain shot up her leg and spine as she collapsed to the ground. She could smell dirt and grass and now blood, “Lavender!” it was Remus’ voice. She could hear him and even feel him as he came up on her and started trying to get her to uncurl herself, “She’s splinched her leg,” she cracked her eyes open and saw Remus and Peter hovering over her. James, Sirius, and Severus were several feet away facing each other for a fight, “You two stop,” he snapped at James and Snape, “She needs help! Look what you two did!” Remus was always kind, even to people that James and Sirius weren’t. He had nothing against anyone, “Can you feel your leg, Lavender?”

“Y-y-yeah…” she got out weakly, “It hurts…”

“It’s just a cut,” though she had a feeling that it was worse than he was telling her. Attempting to keep her calm. Especially when he covered her lower half with his jacket. He didn’t want her to see the extent of what had happened. Lavender had splinched herself before, but only just a small cut or two. Nothing that felt like this.

“Just take care of her, Remus, we’ll get her to the infirmary in just a few minutes.”

“James! This isn’t something that can wait!” Lavender started shivering. It felt cold. Part of her wanted to tell Remus to just get her out of here. To leave his friends and get her help, but her mouth didn’t want to move. She doubted he would even if she could say it. He was a smart guy. He knew he could leave. He was choosing not to. Choosing to stay and make sure his friends stayed safe instead of getting the injured girl to help. Remus was never fully himself when it came to decision making when it came to his friends.

James didn’t respond to his friend this time. He was focused on Snape, “I’ll make you a deal, Snape, you beat me and I’ll leave Lily alone. If I win, then you leave Lily alone. For the rest of our lives.”

“She’s not a prize to be won!” Snape shot back before raising his wand.

Lavender didn’t see much more beyond some flashes of light before blacking out.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, have you checked his ID?”

The voice made him wince. Potter. He could never imagine that he would forget the sound of that voice, “I’m not bothering anyone…” he grunted.

“He’s still a student. A slytherin. You should get out of here, Snivvy,” there was a little bit of a chuckle at the nickname.

“Just leave me alone, Potter.”

“Come on, James, just leave him be,” Lupin. Always the one to say something, but never the one to actually do anything. 

Snape had tried to catch Lily outside, but she hadn’t shown up. Maybe Ackerly had been wrong and she wasn’t coming. Maybe she was told to tell him that Lily would be here for the purpose of leading him to Potter and Black. No. Ackerly wasn’t like that. She was more like Lupin. Quiet and morally neutral. Lily was supposed to be here.

He just wanted one more chance. He knew he could never win her heart, he’d given up that delusion (though it didn’t stop his feelings). He would rather live the rest of his life as her friend than as nothing at all. He could continue suffering the closeness of Potter and Black if it meant that Lily was back in his life in some way. He wanted to apologize again and beg for her forgiveness. It’s all he wanted. But Potter just couldn’t let it be.

The arrogant jerk grabbed his arm and he reacted as anyone in his situation would. Snape jerked back and clambered off the bar stool. He grabbed his wand and raised it in defense. Potter did the same, “Four against one. How very brave,” Snape sneered.

“I don’t need them to take you down, Snivellus. I can take care of you myself,” Potter snapped back, “You all better watch your backs, this is Severus Snape, talented Dark Magics wizard. A newly graduated Slythrin,” he said rather loudly, letting everyone in the bar hear him as if they weren’t already listening. He saw Ackerly coming out from the hall behind the other boys, but paid her no attention, “Lily will never forgive you. Not after what you called her. A mudblood. Is that what you came here for? To talk to her? She will never forgive you,” he made sure to repeat it.

“It’s none of your business why I’m here, Potter. Just stay out of my way,” the black haired boy growled, “If you want to fight, then fine. But not here. We finish this somewhere else.”

“I know just the place,” Lupin, Black, and Pettigrew put their hands on James’ shoulder. He hesitated. He had no reason to believe that Potter would keep his word of taking him on his own. Though he knew at this point Potter would never let him near Lily tonight. Maybe if he could just incapacitate them all, then he could come back here before Lily realized what had happened. All he needed was a few minutes to speak with her. He had to try. 

Moving his wand to his other hand, he reached out and grabbed hold of Potter’s extended hand. He heard someone call out for _James_ before the pub disappeared around them. 

They were standing in a small grove of trees. The moon was bright and he could faintly smell blood. As on guard as he was, he realized what had happened. Ackerly had tried to get past them. Likely to the person calling out for Potter, who he now assumed was Lily. One of them had touched her and she was brought with. Having not meant to come with, her mind had not been focused on the apparition and she’d been splinched. 

He saw Lupin hovering over the girl huddled on the ground. Her black dress and tights hid the blood till it started puddling on the dirt. It was a bad injury. 

“Lavender!” it was Lupin’s voice. He watched with one eye as the werewolf tried to get a sense of her injury, but his main focus was on Potter. The other boy was staring him down, “She’s splinched her leg. You two stop,” he snapped at Potter and Severus, “She needs help! Look what you two did!” Lupin was always kind, even to people that Potter and Black weren’t. He had nothing against anyone, “Can you feel your leg, Lavender?”

Severus didn’t hear her answer. He saw Lupin pull his jacket over her leg, trying to hide it as she tried to look at it. It was worse than he was letting on. He was trying to keep her from panicking. Severus hadn’t meant for Ackerly to get caught up in it. He had nothing against her. She was a friend of Lily’s and someone who had never crossed him. She was just someone always in the background. Unlike Lupin, even if she wanted to, she couldn’t have stopped them from teasing him all these years. No one else was supposed to get hurt. Just Potter.

“Just take care of her, Remus, we’ll get her to the infirmary in just a few minutes,” Potter wasn’t going to let this go though. Even Severus would have been willing to let them go to get her help. 

“James! This isn’t something that can wait!” it sickened him a little. Lupin could have taken her himself. He could have taken Ackerly and Pettigrew to help carry her back to the school. He didn’t need Potter’s permission. He was choosing to let her lay there in pain so that he could stand by his friend. That’s how it always was. Where Ackerly was powerless to help him and chose to stay out of it, Lupin had the ability to help him and chose to stay out of it anyway. Ackerly was going to suffer because Lupin wanted to be here in case his friend needed him. Her pain meant less than Potter’s ability to win a fight.

Potter didn’t respond to his friend this time. He was focused on Snape, “I’ll make you a deal, Snape, you beat me and I’ll leave Lily alone. If I win, then you leave Lily alone. For the rest of our lives.”

“She’s not a prize to be won!” Severus shot back before raising his wand. It hadn’t been his fault Ackerly was here. He wasn’t the one to initiate the apparition. Nor had he been the one to start the fight. In the end, she was their friend and if they wanted to let her suffer, then that was their problem.

Potter lashed out first. The attack came hard and fast. The other boy obviously intended to end this fast. Either to get Ackerly to help or to prove his own strength, possibly both. He was too focused on his own defense and planning his own attack to realize that the witch’s whimpers of pain had ended and she’d gone limp on the ground behind them all. 

They both lashed out at each other. Slowly circling and taking quick shots. Neither were holding back, but they weren’t using their full force yet. Not till Potter unleashed a hail of arrows from his wand and Severus was forced to run. They weren’t on school property. They were legally adults. There was nothing to hold them back from using deadly force. Potter was taking that to heart and Severus realized quick that he needed to as well. It became apparent that Potter meant for only one of them to talk away tonight and he intended on that being himself. Snape was fighting for his life this time and he’d only survive if he took on the same role.

He managed to block a good portion of the arrows, only getting swiped by one or two of them. He shot back with a wave of fire that caused the other boy to fall to the ground in order to avoid it. He saw Black jump out, but Lupin, covered in Ackerly’s blood, held him back. For now, it was still just the two of them. 

Potter started to stand and he took his chance to diswand him. He expected Potter to go for his wand, but he didn’t. Instead he charged. More than once in the past few years their fights had exceeded the bounds of magic. Potter tackled him to the ground, having several pounds and inches on him. Potter was much more physically fight and his punches hurt a great deal. He felt the other grab for his wand and he clenched down on it tight. Potter slammed his fist into the ground, but he didn’t let go.

The first punch connected with his face, “She’ll never care about you,” the other hissed. Part of him knew it was true. Lily had long given up on him. Even if she did forgive him, they would never be the kind of friends they once had. Mild acquaintances was the best he could hope for and what he’d been willing to accept, “No one can ever care about you,” something that had been pounded into his head since the day he was born. The second punch hit his jaw again. He was amazed it wasn’t broken.

Somehow, he managed to get the other off and darted back up to his feet. He had to put distance between them. He needed a moment to think. To collect his thoughts. To figure out what he was going to do. 

He had no such luck though. Black decided it was time to join the fight, “Can’t take me alone, Potter!” he snapped as Black started lashing out at him while the other looked for his wand. He managed to fend off both of their attacks. He wasn’t scared. He felt better now than he ever had any time before. He could take them both. He would win and he would get his say with Lily. They wouldn’t be able to stop him. He was a more powerful wizard than them combined. After tonight, they wouldn’t be able to deny it.

“Snivellus…” Black started it.

“Snivellus…” Potter joined in.

The two boys started circling Severus, chanting and lashing out as quickly as he could block, “Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus…” it wasn’t over though. They called out repeatedly to Lupin till the werewolf broke down and joined in. Lupin attacked, but he didn’t chant, “Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus…” the last was Pettigrew. The mousy boy joined his friends in attacking and chanting, “Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus, Snivellus…” it was starting to get to him. Every bit of it.

His father’s drinking. His mother’s depression. Lily’s sister teasing him. Potter and Black calling him names. Avery and Muliciber forcing him to practice curses on first year Slytherins. Lucius demanding him to make illegal potions. Lily telling him they couldn’t be friends anymore. Being depantsed in front of everyone. Losing what little dignity he had. Everything in his life had just gone wrong. What had he done to deserve any of it?

The magic poured out of him without control in every direction. The four boys were tossed aside and he stumbled back panting. Before he could raise his head up, he heard the curse being called out in four voices, “ _Fiendfyre!_ ” it was one he was familiar with, but had never used.

Severus knew he only had seconds, if that, to figure out what to do. The faces in the fire were that of a rat, a wolf, a dog, and a stag. They were going to descend on him. He could let it take him. Kill him and be done with it. Who would care? Who would blame them?

No. Severus Snape wasn’t ready to die. 

He closed his eyes as he felt the heat and apparated away. He wasn't familiar with the area and managed to only make it a short distance away. It was far enough that the fire couldn't get him, but close enough that he could see it die out almost as quickly as it roared to life. Severus had never imagined they would know a spell like that, nor that they would ever use it. They truly meant to kill him. Even Lupin of all people had participated in it. If they meant to kill, he needed to as well. Potter was his focus. Take him down and they would all follow.

Their voices were behind him and he held his breath for a moment as he thought of his next steps. Potter would attack from one side and Black from the other. They would think that would give them the advantage. He wasn't concerned with Lupin or Pettigrew at the moment, they seemed to be elsewhere looking for him.

As expected, Potter lunged around the left of the tree and he managed to knock the boy out just as Black came around the right and he took him down too. Aside from the stress of it, the fight was largely in his favor. For the first time in a long time, he felt things were going his way. 

Lupin and Pettigrew had heard the commotion and were on their way. Lupin was the first and raised his wand to attack. Rage filled Severus’ mind and body. He wanted them all to suffer in their own ways. Maybe it was the scarred scratches across Lupin’s face that brought it to mind, “ _Sectumsempra_!” the werewolf stopped in his tracks as wounds began opening across his face. He dropped to his knees in shock and pain. Severus had only just perfected the curse late last year and hadn't practiced it much.

Pettigrew was next. The chubby boy tried to sneak up behind him, but he spun on his heels and glared. Pettigrew dropped his wand and stopped several feet away before beginning to grovel, “I'm sorry, Snape. You're so powerful. Maybe, maybe I could learn a lot from a wizard like you,” it made him sick to listen to it and he made a small lunge towards the shorter boy. Pettigrew was gone in a second and a large rat running towards the tree line.

Black managed to get back to his feet and saw that Severus stalking towards the still downed Potter. He didn't get much further than Lupin had. Severus was fast and filled with anger, “ _Crucio_!” the other’s body twisted in pain and he went to the ground twitching and howling in pain.

His dark eyes were back on Potter now. The athletic male was pushing himself back against the tree as Severus came up on him, “I...I…” the great Potter was stammering, “I'm sorry, Severus,” it made him pause a little.

“Severus is it now? Feeling a little low now that you realize how pathetic you are? Four against one and I'm winning. I've held bad for years. For her,” he always knew if he really fought back, Lily would never forgive him. As it was, he knew she would never forgive him either way, “It's too late to apologize, Potter. I told you to leave me alone, but you just couldn't. You just had to prove what a big man you are. Look at you now, Potter. Worthless,” Severus pulled his wand up and aimed for the boy on the ground, “Avad--”

A flash of light stopped him and he stumbled back a little as Lily apparated in front of him. He managed to stop his tongue from finishing the words just in time. Her green eyes stared right at him and he suddenly felt like a child who had been caught misbehaving.

“Severus!” her voice made a shiver roll down his spine. It was filled with anger.

“L-lily,” he stuttered.

“What do you think you're doing? Have you all gone mad?!,” she was angry with the five of them, well four since Pettigrew had run off. Her eyes went to the beaten and battered Potter, “I thought I said I didn't want to see you doing this anymore. You promised me you wouldn't.”

“Lily, I'm sorry,” Severus finally got out, “I'm so sorry,” he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for more. The fight or his mudblood comment years prior, “Please...I just…” he had no excuse for what he had been just about to do to Potter, “I just wanted to say I was sorry! I wanted to say I was sorry for calling you that horrible thing I don’t deserve to call anyone! You were my best friend and I ruined it! I didn’t…”

“Stop it, Severus. Just stop it. All of it,” she did the unexpected and ran to him, throwing her arms around his shoulders. He about collapsed. Severus couldn't remember the last time she had touched him, much less hugged him.

His arms, hesitantly moved to circle around her. He never wanted this to end, “Lily…” but it did as she tugged herself away.

“Severus, you want me to forgive you, then prove to me you deserve to be forgiven. Stop consorting with people like Bellatrix and Lucius. Stop going down this dark path you're on. Maybe then, I can start forgiving you and maybe we can be friends again one day.”

Lily never understood and she never would. He didn't stand a chance these past seven years without Bellatrix and Lucius. He had power and talent that she would have him waste. She would never care for him for who he was. She wanted him to roll over and be a good pet. Why couldn't she love him the way he was? He loved her for how she was. 

“Lily, please…” he just wanted her to listen, but she wouldn't. She went to Potter and helped him to his feet, lovingly checking over his injuries, doting on him in a way she never did for him. Black was slowly to his feet as well, not willing to attack Severus with Lily around, and staggered his way to check on Lupin who had blacked out from shock. He was alone here.

Scared and angry, he apparated away. 

It was several hours before he staggered his way into a pub. It was empty save for a few late night, pathetic customers who spent their lives drinking. He ignored them and they ignored him even as he hexed the bartender into giving him Firewhiskey. Every time the man realized what he did and tried to take it away, Severus used a memory charm on him and continued to drink. He wanted to be sick and numb.

The hooded man settled into the seat next to him and he nearly cast a memory charm to make him go away, but he sensed that would be a bad idea, “Need another drink?”

“No. I need to be left alone,” his clothing was dirty, torn, and a nasty bruise was forming on his chin. Severus didn't want to deal with anyone anymore.

“You've had a long night. Lucius said I could find you here. We have much to discuss.”

“There is nothing to discuss,” no one refused this man though and he knew it.

“I expect you gave those boys enough of a reason to be scared of you.”

“Well, they won't be coming back to this pub anytime soon, at least,” he shook his head a little, “What do you want from me?” he wanted the point got to so he could leave.

“I know how it feels to be subjugate and rejected for your talents, Severus. We could use you in our ranks. Make them truly regret what they have done to you.”

Lucius said the same things, but he’d resisted making any decisions on the matter. Always hoping to not have to make this choice, “Why me?”

“Who better? Surely you know what I am.”

“I do. A Prince at heart is all that matters when it comes to talent. Sometimes, we must learn to ignore the lesser half of our blood to better ourselves. Your talent is what we need, not your blood...I have something to show you…”

The hooded man got up and started for the door, not waiting for Severus’ response. The dark haired boy had to make his choice now. He knew what everyone else expected him to do and who was he to disappoint them? If this is who they thought he was, he saw no reason to prove them wrong. Lily had said he had to prove himself a better person. Hadn't he done that all these years? Hadn't his tears and begging been enough? No. He’d never be good enough to prove himself to her. 

Downing the last of his drink, he slid from his stool and started out the door. 

They apparated away shortly after leaving the bar and he realized they were in the same grove of trees he’d fought in just hours before. The hooded man was standing next to a dark lump on the ground. Severus felt his Firewhiskey threatening to come back up as he realized what it was.

“They didn't… they didn't come back for her…”

He’d forgotten about Lavender as well. Even if he had remembered her, he would have assumed her friends would have come back for her. The only one who had seemed concerned was Lupin, but it was likely that the werewolf was still recovering from his injuries and unable to remind anyone, “She’s dying, Severus. Won’t be long now. She’s lost a great deal of blood.”

Severus moved closer to her and knelt down. He pushed a little hair from her face and saw how pale she was. Not the usual pale that she normally was. It was a waxy, almost bluish pale. Her face looked thin and her skin felt icy. He reached down and pulled Lupin’s jacket off her legs and tugged the skirt of her dress up a little. It was heavy with blood. She didn’t respond to his movements. The moonlight between the trees was enough to see how badly injured she was. The gash into her thigh was deep and wide. It cut through her tights and deep into her the muscle of her outer thigh. Despite that, it seemed to be a somewhat slow bleed. Magical injuries were funny that way. She should have bled out by now, but there was still a thin trickle of blood flow. No amount of repair would completely take away the scar that would be left behind, “I have to get her to someone…” he didn’t know Lavender well, but she didn’t deserve this.

“Or you could let her die. She’s friends with those that torment you.”

That was true, but she wasn’t one of them. Not really. He’d seen her with them and even Pettigrew seemed to fit in better than she did. She’d never teased him and was generally alone. She never went on Hogsmeade weekends and she never took partners in classes for projects that were generally partnered. She seemed to understand how to be alone without being lonely. Something he was still learning. 

“She’s not like them,” Severus knew several spells for healing minor wounds, but he wasn’t sure if they would work on something this deep, “She stayed around those that she had to in order to survive,” wasn’t that how it always worked? He was ‘friends’ with Bellatrix, Avery, and Mulicber. Not because he trusted them or cared about them. No. Because he wouldn’t have survived the past seven years in Slytherin house if he hadn’t put himself close to them. Putting herself in good graces with Lily, Potter, and Black ensured that she would be taken care of during her time at Hogwarts. Pettigrew had learned that as well. The three of them were outcasts who knew what to do to survive. Though apparently Lavender’s safety net had failed her this time.

“Why does she deserve to live? What use can she be?”

Severus understood now. This was a test. One with multiple right answers, but just as many wrong ones. Lavender didn’t deserve to die here. If he chose wrong, they’d both die here. He had a chance to save her, but it wasn’t the way he wanted to, “She can be of use to us. She’s pure-blood, from a good family. She loves them and would do anything we ask to secure their safety. She’s intelligent and mildly talented. It would be a waste to let a witch like her die. She is good in potions, not as good as me, but good enough. I can use her, for you, for our cause.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. She’s talented, but weak willed. If she becomes a problem, I will dispose of her and her family myself,” not that he was entirely sure he could stomach such a task. He hoped he would never be put into such a position. 

“Very well. She is yours to contend with,” he would have breathed a sigh of relief, but this was just the beginning of a new issue.

Severus heard the small airy noise that came along with apparition and he knew they were alone. Carefully, he traced the tip of his wand along the splinch wound, “ _Vulnera Sanentur...Vulnera Sanentur...Vulnera Sanentur_ ,” it was the best he could do at the moment. It stopped the blood loss and started knitting the skin together. It wasn’t usually used for wounds as deep or wide as this one, but it would hold till he could get her somewhere safer.

He knew he could have taken her back to Hogwarts or to St. Mungo’s. He knew that is what he should do, but that wasn’t going to ensure his or her safety. He knew only one place to take her.


	3. Chapter 3

She sat up quickly in the bed and looked around as her eyes slowly cleared up. Her throat was dry and sore, her eyes felt heavy, and her whole body felt like she’d fallen off a broom many times. Lavender had never felt so much pain before in her life. It didn’t even register in her mind that she didn’t know where she was. She just wanted something to drink. Part of her brain was telling her that she just had a sore throat and needed to get to the water pitcher. 

She pulled the thick, dark blanket from her legs and started to climb up from the bed. Pain overtook her as she tried to stand, “Ah!” she collapsed to the wooden floor and hot tears burned her dry eyes, “H-h-help…” it didn’t come out very loudly. Her voice was hoarse and strained. It barely came out above a whisper.

Lavender reached down and grabbed at the origin of the pain in her leg. It felt warm and wet. Her eyes focused a little more and she saw that her legs were bare, something uncommon for her, and the white bandages wrapped around her left thigh were starting to spot with blood.

It came back to her quick. Going to the pub, sitting with the boys while they talked about going to the party, waiting for Lily, the boys getting into it with Snape, then the apparition and pain. She vaguely remembered Remus’ voice, but nothing much beyond blinding pain and everything going black and cold.

It started to register that the room she was in didn’t belong to the school infirmary or St. Mungo’s. It was small and dusty. There was a bookshelf covered in dusty, old books. There was a fireplace that looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. The bed she’d been in was small, shabby, and the blankets were patchy. It was very dreary. Even the one, small window was shuttered up and locked. 

The blond witch heard footsteps and twitched a little as the door opened. Snape was the last person she expected to see walk in and she tried to say his name, but he hushed her, “Don’t strain yourself, Ackerly,” he walked over and bent down to wrap his arms under hers and start to lift her. Pain shot through her leg and she gasped as he not-so-gently hauled her back to the small bed, “Don’t try to talk till you’ve drank a bit,” with that, he left her alone for several long minutes. Lavender didn’t know what to think or do. She just sat there staring at the door till he returned.

Snape came back with a tray hovering in front of him. It had bandages, a pitcher, and a glass on it. She didn’t say anything as he pulled a stool over close to her leg. He poured her some water and held the glass out to her. As a reflex, she reached out and took it. The glass looked a little dingy, but she drank from it anyway. The water felt cold and nice. It helped to sooth the soreness a little. Once the first sip passed her lips, she realized how thirsty she really was and started drinking more quickly, coughing a little as she nearly inhaled it. Snape didn’t tell her to slow down or anything. He just let her keep drinking as he picked up the bandages and started laying them out on the bed next to her leg. She didn’t react till he grabbed hold of the hem of her dress and started pulling it up.

Lavender’s hands shot out and she let the water spill all over the bed as she grabbed his hands, “I just need to change your bandage and restitch your wound, Ackerly. Please try to stay calm. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”

Her cheeks warmed. Other than the girls in her dorm room, she never showed anyone her legs. It felt strange to let Snape see them now, even though he was focused only on the wound, “W-w-where…” her voice was still strained and she couldn’t finish the question.

Snape seemed to know what she meant though, “My home. It was the safest place to bring you,” he used a charm to remove the bloodied bandage. She gasped softly as she saw the wound. It was much larger than she’d been expecting. Severus took a moment to get her more water before working on cleaning up the wound and charming the clean bandage to wrap itself. Lavender found herself speechless at what she’d seen. It didn’t surprise her that she’d had trouble standing, “It looks worse than it is. So long as you keep off it till it’s healed, you shouldn’t have any trouble with it. It tore the muscle badly, but nothing that can’t be repaired.”

“T-thank you…” she said weakly after downing the water. Her throat was starting to feel better and words felt easier to form, “Why...why am I h-h-here?”

“As I said, it was the safest place to bring you,” he wouldn’t look at her face. Lavender could tell he was avoiding her gaze.

“I want t-to go h-h-home.”

“I’m sorry, Ackerly, but that’s not an option right now,” he took a deep breath and cut her off before she could say anything else, “I’m going to be blunt with you, Ackerly. You’re not leaving anytime soon. When I found you, you were nearly dead. My options were to let you die or bring you back here. I wanted to take you back to school, but that wasn’t possible. This wasn’t a choice I wanted to make, but you didn’t deserve to bleed to death. You’re not a bad person.”

“I don’t...I don’t...I don’t understand.”

“Ackerly, I’m a Deatheater. You’ve been unconscious for three days. The Dark Lord wanted me to leave you for dead, but I told him that I could use you as an assistant,” not his exact words, but it would do for now, “If you try to leave, I’ll be forced to kill you and your family. So long as you stay here, you and your family will be safe. Perhaps, with time I’ll be allowed to let you go. I can’t say for sure. I don’t expect anything of you while you’re here. If I had another option, I would have taken it.”

She sat dumbfounded as he spoke. There were always rumors about Snape being on the path to becoming a Deatheater, but she’d never wanted to believe there was any merit to it. He was smart and talented. His best friend had been a muggle born. He couldn’t be a Deatheater. But that wasn’t what she was hearing. Not only was he a Deatheater, but she was his prisoner? What could be gained from keeping her prisoner? Her family was comfortably wealthy, no one of importance. She was even less important than her family as a whole. If she left, her family would be killed? Why was this happening?

“W-why me?”

“You weren’t supposed to get caught up in this. I’m sorry you did. It was supposed to just be Potter and me,” from what she’d seen, it wasn’t even supposed to be that. As usual, James had been the one to start the fight, “You got splinched and...I don’t know,” she remembered Remus trying to take care of her. Why had Snape found her on the ground then? Why didn’t her friends take her back to the school? She didn’t want to believe that they had forgotten her, “I don’t know why they hadn’t been back for you. If I had been alone, I could have taken you to help, but I wasn’t. I hope you can come to understand that I am doing this for your own good. If there had been any other way, I would have taken it.”

Someone had been with him? Other Deatheaters? They made him do this. Lavender had never believed anything bad of him, but she was scared. What was Snape going to keep her here for? He said that nothing was expected of her, then what was the point, “I w-w-want to go h-home, Snape.”

She watched as he sighed and got up from the stool, “That’s not an option right now. I’ll bring you food and water, but since you’re conscious now, you can tend to the bandage on your own. I’ll make sure it heals, but you can clean it. Once you can start walking again, you can move around the house freely. You won’t be able to leave, but I won’t restrict where you can go around the house.”

Lavender felt her head shaking a little. Her whole body felt like it was suddenly numb, “M-my wand…” he couldn’t prevent her from leaving. As soon as she could walk, she’d figure out how to break whatever charms or spells he had on this place and she’d leave while he was sleeping. He couldn’t really expect her to stay. Nor did she truly believe he would hurt her family, “I w-want my w-w-w-wand.”

“I burned it,” she felt the water she’d been drinking ready to come back up her throat, “I’m sorry, but it’s gone. You won’t need it while you’re here and if it’s ever decided that you can leave, you can always get a new one,” not that it would be the same. A wand was special. Lavender loved her wand. It had chosen her. Another wand would never feel right.

Snape had burned her wand. It was gone. Just ashes now, “I don’t...I don’t believe you.”

He shrugged a little as he headed for the door, “That’s not my issue. Again, I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I promise you this was the only way. You didn’t deserve to die for my mistake, Lavender. Try to rest,” it was the first time he’d ever used her first name. He didn’t wait for her to say anything else as he left the room.

She sat there, unsure of what to do, say, or even think. Lavender was tired, sore, and scared. She just wanted to go home. She didn’t understand what was happening and she wasn’t sure if she believed if Snape was telling the truth or not.

Lavender remembered the summer before their fourth year. Her family asked to meet the Evans family since she was friends with Lily. They had all had dinner at the Evans’ house. With the exception of some nasty looks from Lily’s sister, it went well. The two families got along, both fascinated with each other. Lily had asked if she could spend the night and both their parents agreed to it. It had been strange sleeping in a muggle household for the night. Lily let her watch television and they had something called ‘soda’. 

The next afternoon, just a few hours before she was supposed to go home, Lily wanted to show her around the neighborhood. They were walking around when someone called out to Lily. It was Snape. Lavender had known they were friends, but she’d never actually met face to face with him before. Preferring to stick quietly to her school house and friends. Lily introduced them and she tried to be friendly towards him, but he seemed to want nothing to do with her. He got mildly upset when Lily wouldn’t come play with him and leave Lavender behind. Lily told her not to be upset about it, that Snape was just a private person and had a hard time making new friends.

That was the most interaction they’d ever had till sixth year potions. Lavender had managed to scrape by enough of a good mark to get into the class and Slughorn wanted the small group of students to pair off to make a complicated potion. Most of the class was Slytherins and the only people she knew were Lily, Mary, and Snape. Mary cut her off and asked Lily to be her partner, to which the redhead said yes. Too scared to ask anyone else she didn’t know, she tried to ask Snape. Once again, he ignored her, barely even acknowledging her before going off on his own and managing to complete the project by himself. Lavender had managed to do the same, though her results were far less exceptional than his.

Other than a few occasions when they would bump into each other in the corridors or she happened to be standing near Lily when he was looking, that was the extent of their history. Not for her lack of wanting to get to know him, but as Lily had told her, he was hard to get close with. 

Now he was telling her that she was trapped in his house and if she tried to leave her family would be killed. 

Experimentally, and ignoring the pain, she reached out for the small window above the bed and grabbed the shutters. They wouldn’t budge. Not even shake or rattle. It wasn’t the muggle lock on it, it was charmed shut. Lavender didn’t doubt that every window and door leading out would be this way. Her eyes went to the fireplace. Lavender wasn’t entirely familiar with the workings of a fireplace, but it was basically a shaft that lead outside. Lavender knew there was no way she’d be able to climb it with her leg. Even once it was healed, she had her doubts that she’d be able to physically do it. Plus, Snape was smart. She had a feeling he would have thought of that as well and took precautions. 

Slumping back on the bed, she covered her face and started sobbing quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

The first few weeks were the hardest. All she did the first week when he would bring her food and check on how she was healing was cry. She’d beg him to take her to her family or St. Mungo or even Hogwarts. He ignored it for the most part, just not talking. Bringing her food and leaving once he was sure her wound wasn’t infected. 

The second week she went silent and it was more awkward than when she had been crying. She’d just stare at him unblinking till he left.

Then she started attacking towards the end of the first month. Her leg was healing well and he was just about to leave her room when she asked him to come back. He’d thought maybe she was in pain or something, but no sooner did he settle back onto the stool did she lunge at him and make a grab for his wand. He managed to restrain her, causing her wound to reopen a little bit. He didn’t blame her or even get upset with her. He knew if he were in her place, he would try the same thing.

The second attack was a bit more violent and drastic. Severus wasn’t in the habit of kidnapping people and didn’t think much of leaving her with a knife for her food, nor realizing that the knife wasn’t there when he cleared away the dishes that night. He was half asleep when he stumbled into her room after hearing cries of pain. She was huddled up on the floor, apparently having tried to walk and failed again. When he got close enough, she drove the knife into his upper arm. She then hobbled out while he dealt with the knife and tried to break the window in the hallway while calling for help. The glass hadn’t budged and he knew no one outside would be able to hear her.

After that failed attempt, she seemed to calm down, or rather fell into a depressive fit. 

It wasn’t long before she was hobbling her way around the house and taking care of herself fully. Other than seeing each other around the small house, they didn’t interact. After about a month, it was kind of nice having her around, even if they didn’t speak. She cleaned, dusting mostly, and even cooked. Most witches and wizards couldn’t cook or clean without magic, but she got along fine without it. He’d been worried a little about her trying to poison him, but after her stabbing attempt, he felt like she got the point. If she poisoned him, she still wouldn’t be able to get out. He took care to remind her that he kept his wand hidden, not that he felt she would be able to break his locking charms anyway.

It had been nearly three months since he brought her here. She hadn’t asked to be taken home or anything in quite some time. Nor had he seen her wiggle the front door handle or window shutters in some time. They hadn’t talked about the situation, but Severus knew they had to soon. Mostly because of what was coming up. He needed to discuss it with her.

It hadn’t occurred to him till he went into the small kitchen and saw her sitting at the table eating with his plate sitting across from her that she was having one of her not-talking-to-him days. Most days, she would inform him when food was ready, which was the extent of their talking, but occasionally she would have silent days. 

Severus knew his home was depressing and it likely wasn’t the best environment for anyone, but he’d lived here his whole life. Ackerly didn’t ask how he had a house, not that he would have told her anyway. His mother had died a year ago and his father, well, he wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to the man. All that mattered was that they were gone. He could have tried to sell it, but he needed a place to work and it seemed easy to just keep it. At least for now. Eventually, he would probably burn it to the ground. It’s what he wanted to do. 

Spinner's End was depressing. All the houses looked the same. All brick, small, and standing in a row. It was obviously an old part of England and poor. The streets weren't even paved, but instead were stone laid out. There were no sounds of children running around and enjoying their summer. The street was nearly abandoned and every house had thick curtains or shutters closed over their windows. Spinner's End was not a happy place. Strangely enough, not far up the street it all changed into a happier scenery. Lily Evans had lived just a few blocks from here. Right next to a beautiful, green park. Yet Spinner's End seemed devoid of any of that. Like it was in a world of it's own.

His home was two stories with a basement, though still rather small. The entrance room had the feeling of a dark, padded cell and furnished with threadbare furniture, a dim candle-lit lamp hanging from the ceiling, and walls covered in books. It seemed neglected, but that was mostly because Snape couldn’t be bothered to do anything with it. There was one open doorway in the back of the room that lead to the small kitchen, which he rarely used. Next to that door was a hidden doorway in the bookshelves that opened up to a narrow staircase.

Up the stairs was two small bedrooms with a full bathroom crammed between them. It was amazing that the small house could fit two bedrooms, but that just meant that both the rooms were small. In truth, Snape had been living in the bedroom that had been his as a child instead of taking the slightly larger Master Bedroom just down the hall. Mostly because he couldn't stand the thought of living or sleeping in the same room his father once had. He had left that larger room for Ackerly and kept his small one, not that he spent much time in there. Instead, he spent most of his time in the basement that he’d converted into a potions lab.

He settled into the seat across from her and started to eat. It was nice having food at home for once. Growing up, he was lucky if he got one meal a day here. He wasn’t much of a cook himself, even with magic. Some thought being good at potions translated into cooking, but most potions didn’t have to taste good. He’d never bothered to ask how a pure-blood witch learned to cook like a muggle. Nor did he tell her that her cooking was good, but it wasn’t like him to give praises. Since she couldn’t leave, he left it up to her to write out what she needed him to go get. 

Tonight was some kind of pasta with roasted mushrooms and squash. It wasn’t as good as the food they got at Hogwarts, but it was good. His eyes flicked up to her for a moment. Her head was low, her limp blond hair just barely covering her face, and she occasionally picked at her own food, “We’re going to be going to Malfoy Manor at the end of the week. We’ll be there for several days. I wouldn’t bring you, but I was informed that I have no choice in that,” it was a test to make sure he hadn’t let her go. At least partly. This was his first full gathering. They were celebrating and he was expected to be there. 

Her head popped up quick, “Wh-wh-why do I have t-to go?”

Severus hadn’t thought she would complain about getting to leave the house, though he was sure she realized that it would be to go somewhere almost just as depressing, “As I said, there’s no choice in that matter. I told you before, I told them you would be useful to me. You won't have to participate in anything. All they have to do is see you.”

“Can I c-come back after t-t-they see me?” he didn't blame her for not wanting to stick around.

“No. You will have to stay, but we'll come back when it's over. As far as they are concerned, you belong to me and you're not to be bothered. They just want to make sure I've kept you and not let you go,” he was still a new member and knew he didn't completely have their trust yet.

“B-but I…”

Severus didn’t want to keep repeating himself. He hated repeating himself. He understood that this was hard for her, but it wasn’t any easier for him, “I’m not going to discuss this. You’re coming with and if you question it again…” he felt his hand twitch. Severus realized he was getting upset. He’d never hit a girl before, but he’d seen his father hit his mother on several occasions. He always promised himself that he’d never do things like that. He always told himself that there was nothing of his father in him beyond a name. In an attempt to calm himself and to keep from doing something he knew he’d regret, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, “I’m sorry that you have to go through this. If I let you go, they will force me to find and kill you and your family. If I refuse, they will do it anyway and kill me too. I promise, this isn’t going to last forever. They want me to prove that I can be trusted by following orders. Once I have enough pull and ranking, I’ll convince _Him_ to release you. I promise.”

When he finally looked up, he saw how terrified she looked. Her body was visibly shaking and she was looking down in her lap where her hands were clenched together so tight that her knuckles were bone white. All she wanted was to go home. Ackerly had never been anyone of importance. People forgot she was there. He didn’t even remember having met her outside of school till he thought hard enough about it. He was sure once she graduated, her family would marry her off to the best possible match and she’d have children and live a perfectly average life. Being pure-blood and nearly talentless, she would have never been drawn into any this if it wasn’t for him. Not that he felt entirely responsible. After all, it was her friends who had left her there to die.

“I really am sorry, Ackerly. This doesn’t have to be difficult. We just have to wait it out,” as much as he’d miss the cooking, he hoped it wouldn’t be too much longer, “The gathering will be easy, I promise. They won’t expect anything of you. You just have to be there. They know you’re not one of them. You’ll spend most of it alone in a room. You can sleep and rest,” he watched as she nodded lightly, “Good.”

She didn’t seem interested in talking about it anymore, not that he wanted to, and slid her chair back from the table. He watched as she slipped out of the seat and limped her way back up the stairs. He heard the door of her room close a few moments later and sighed. Everything would work out. In a few months, hopefully less, she could go free. He’d let her go back to her family and friends. Like Lily, he had no trouble seeing her forgiving them and hating him forever.


	5. Chapter 5

Malfoy Manor was a terrifyingly beautiful place. If she’d only seen a picture of it, she would have thought it was lovely, but knowing the sort of place it was made her disgusted. Lavender had no idea where it was actually located. Even with apparating, Snape had made sure to blindfold her till they were actually inside the house. It was large and cold. Like a museum. Even though it was a wizarding house, none of the paintings moved. Lavender wasn’t sure if they just never moved or if they chose not to move. Everything was dark and even the fireplaces in various rooms didn’t seem to put off much heat.

She caught a small glimpse of the grounds out a window as they passed by. There was a long driveway and she could just barely see the large, iron gate. A faint glimpse of something bright white went by and she realized after seeing it through a second window that it was a large peacock. 

Snape had hold of her upper arm as he lead her through the various hallways. Much like herself, Snape wasn’t one for a large wardrobe of clothing and they were both dressed the same as their graduation night. The only difference was her lack of tights. Lavender had slowly got used to not wearing them, but only out of necessity, not comfort. She didn’t know where the clothing came from, but Snape had brought her a box of clothing down for her a few weeks ago when she complained lightly that she hadn’t been able to wash her clothing. The box was dusty and the dresses were more old fashioned than what even she was used to. All black, thick, and wool. All floor and ankle length that buttoned up. 

Lavender didn’t mind the dresses, even though they were a little heavy and seemed to be for a women a bit taller than herself; but she had chosen to wear her own dress tonight. It felt a little strange without her tights. Her legs felt cold and it was strange to feel the fabric moving against them. 

It felt like she was in a maze. She doubted she’d be able to find her own way out with how many turns they took and how many rooms they passed. Wherever they were going, it seemed to be going lower into the house and she could hear voices. 

The door he lead her through was heavy, thick, and metal. Nothing like the rest of the house. When she saw what it opened up into, she realized that it was meant to keep people trapped inside. It was a dungeon, “I don’t...I don’t...I don’t want to g-go in th-there,” her feet planted hard on the ground as he gave her arm a sharp tug. 

“It’s alright. I’m coming with. This is where everyone is,” though that did little to settle her nerves. She was walking into a den of Deatheaters and Loyalists. Snape hadn’t even told her exactly what was going to be happening here. He swore that she would be okay, but how could he really promise that? What if they decided in the middle of the night that they didn’t want her as a prisoner anymore and instead of letting her go, they were going to just kill her? He kept saying that none of this was his choice, so she had a hard time believing he’d have any choice in her life. 

She wished she had her wand. It had been difficult being without it and she missed it terribly. Her heart had sank when he told her that he’d burned it. 

It had been made of hornbeam, ten inches long with a slight curve for her fingers to hook around with a dragon heartstring core. Ollivander said it was a wand that couldn’t be second hand owned. That it linked itself entirely to it’s owner’s morality. It would be useless in the hands of anyone but herself. She could feel it’s life when held it. She knew it was her wand when she touched it. It always felt warm. It was simple in appearance, nothing interesting or fancy about it; which suited her just fine.

But it was gone now. She knew no other wand would feel right in her hand. If they did let her go, she would eventually get a new one. Probably a second hand wand. Something cheap and simple to use. Lavender couldn’t see herself using it much. The idea of using magic with a different wand made her a little sick. Without her wand, she wasn’t even sure she could use magic anymore. Even potions work required some magical use. It was more than just throwing things together in a cauldron. A new wand would be for nothing more than appearance purposes. A witch known for not having a wand was a witch who got strange looks. If she survived this, she never wanted anyone looking at her again.

Snape finally managed to tug her down the dark stairwell. She kept one hand on the damp, cold, stone wall for balance as she limped her way behind him. The dungeon area was a little nicer than she was expecting. They obviously intended on using it for a party, but that didn’t change the fact that there were heavy iron doors lining the walls, each leading to a small cell. The open area had chairs littered about and house elves were roaming with trays of alcohol. Everyone was dressed in dark clothing and many were wearing masks.

Lavender was shocked at how many of the faces she recognized. There were many people she’d attended classes with, most were Slytherins. She saw Avery, Muliciber, and Wilkes. Three boys that always played the part of lackey to whomever they were following that day. Then the leaders Rabastan Lestrange, Evan Rosier, and Bellatrix Black. There was also Regulus Black, who was a year younger than them. She’d never given any of them a reason to notice her in school and was perfectly fine with that; but they all seemed terribly interested in her now.

She could feel eyes on her as Snape pulled her over to a corner, “Just stay here. Don’t wander off,” she went a little wide eyed before reaching out and grabbing onto his arm this time. He was going to leave her alone here. He’d promised she would be put in a room by herself, but now he was leaving her in a corner of a room filled with dark witches and wizards. Alone and defenseless without a wand, “It’s just for a little bit. I promise,” but her fingers tightened onto his forearm, “If you show them you’re scared, they’ll only be more interested in you. Just sit down, stay calm, and don’t draw attention to yourself.”

Lavender wanted to believe him, but she didn’t. Still, she knew she had no choice in the matter. He lead her to a high backed chair and she collapsed into it. He had to wrench his arm out of her grasp to get away. She stared after him as he walked off, her eyes wide and she silently prayed that he’d turn back and decide to stay with her or take her with. She didn’t want to be alone. 

But he didn’t turn back.

She lost him in a sea of black robes, dresses, and suits. Lavender told herself that she didn’t fit in with these people. She was a good person. These weren’t good people. These were dangerous and bad people. People her friends and family had warned her about. Lavender had never intended on being part of the war. Her family were quiet people who kept their heads down and did everything they could to be was unnoticeable as possible. 

Her arms wrapped around herself tight, trying to make herself as small as possible as she sunk back into the chair. Her knees pressed together hard and her feet came together as close as they could. Lavender wanted to appear as standoffish as possible, not that she was intimidating in the least.

Many people were wearing masks, but she was positive there were eyes on her that she couldn’t see. It was terrifying. She was sure she was going to be killed. They had no reason to ever let her go. Severus didn’t have to keep his promise. She knew so little about him and what she did know now was a mess of terribleness. 

Being here now, she realized that she had no trust in him at all.


	6. Chapter 6

A tight feeling spread through his stomach as he abandoned Ackerly, but it had to be done. It was bad enough that he had to bring her here, but she shouldn’t have to get any more involved than she already was. The more isolated he could make her, the better. Once he a room that he could take her to, she would be locked away and safe till he could take her back home. To do that, he would have to deal with Lucius and Lucius was usually never far from the Dark Lord. Ackerly didn’t need to be that close to either of them.

He stumbled a little in his walk as he tripped over a house elf. The damn thing stammered it’s apologizes and begging him for forgiveness. He cursed it as it thrust a glass of firewhiskey into his hands in an attempt to appease him. He growled and it skittered off. Severus wasn’t one for drinking, but he downed the foul, hot liquor. It burned his throat, but he didn’t care. It made his stomach feel warm and it spread slowly through his body. It felt nice.

He spotted the platinum blond man and took a deep breath to calm himself. He had limited interactions with Lucius Malfoy while in school. It was the blond man who had first started him down this path. Who had taken an interest in his potions talent when he was still in his first few years of school. They never had meaningful conversations and what they did speak about was limited to what potions he could provide.

Lucius was a cold man. Not just in personality, but in appearance. He was tall, handsome, and rich. His face was pointed, pale, with cold grey eyes. His long, pale blond hair was pulled back into a firm knot at the base of his skull. He always wore tailor made suits and robes with the best fabrics money could buy. No one crossed a Malfoy without regretting it.

Slytherin girls followed him like lovesick puppies. Each wanting their chance at the Malfoy Family estate. He was the man to get when it came to climbing the social ladder. It was hardly surprising when his engagement to one of the Black girls was announced. They were one of the few families that were high classed enough to match a Malfoy. Not Bellatrix, even Lucius wasn’t willing to go through that. 

Instead, it was Narcissa Black who was on his arm. A proper witch. A woman who knew her place. Who never spoke out of turn and never caused a bit of trouble. Who always looked down her well formed nose at everyone. A woman that managed to always look disgusted about everything. She was a good match for Lucius. 

She had a well manicured hand on his arm as he spoke lowly to the hooded figure sitting in one of the chairs opposite the room from Ackerly. He was somewhat glad that he had left her so close to the entrance. 

“Ah, Severus,” the hooded man half hissed. He cringed, having had hoped to avoid this one person. A sad hope, since he knew that Lucius would be at the man’s side. There were always a few people that could be counted on to be right there whenever he was around. 

He stepped close and kept his eyes on the floor, “My Lord,” he was still unsure of himself in these rare situations. Few interacted directly with the man. He was still earning his place and their trust. 

Lucius gave him a cold, closed lipped smile. Narcissa barely looked at him, “What a plain, little mouse you’ve brought with you tonight, Severus. Is that the young lady our lord allowed you to keep? Surely we could have found you a better assistant.”

He took another deep breath before answering, “She assists me well enough. Appearances don’t designate talent.”

“But it can certainly help…” the woman said coldly and quietly before turning her attention elsewhere.

“Now, now, Lucius, Severus vouched for the young woman. Though I would certainly hope she does more than assist _well enough_. I would be displeased if your work were to suffer. You do important things for me, Severus.”

“Yes, My Lord. I know,” he had been working on a rather dangerous potion as of late. He was not privy as to what it’s exact usage would be, but he had a feeling it was going to hurt a lot of people. He had to delve into human medical books to aid him in it’s creation. Some of the tests he had run on it worried him greatly, but his reports to Lucius, which went back to the Dark Lord, returned with favorable praises. 

“She has healed well, though I did see a limp. I would imagine that you could have prevented that.”

“She was...reluctant at first. It made healing difficult,” he left out the escape attempts, “My Lord, I was hoping that I could be relieved of her assistance soon. She has been of great help,” he didn’t want there to be hints at her being useless and risk it causing her death, “But I am of much better use alone. I am not used to working with an assistant. I have always worked alone.”

“I see…”

“She is of a pure-blood family. She’s expressed several times how proud she is to have assisted me in your work. However, I feel her family would find much better use of her than I am. I think she would serve her family better as the eldest child married to a respectable pure-blood wizard.”

“Hmmm...perhaps. She does look rather...uncomfortable. I will think on it.”

“Thank you, My Lord,” he gave the man a small nod, before turning his attention back to Lucius, “I was wondering if there was somewhere she could rest. The, uh, cold down here hurts her injury.”

“Of course. Ask one of the house elves and they will show you somewhere. Though I believe Rosier has taken an interest in your mouse. He always does go for the dull ones.”

Hearing this, Severus turned fast on his heels to look across the room. Sure enough, Evan Rosier had snaked his way over to the high backed chair he had left Ackerly in. She had huddled herself against the back of the chair, her arms firmly and tightly wrapped around herself. Her head tilted down and her hair covering most of her face. Evan was hunched over her like a predator ready to strike. 

Rosier was as tall as himself and slenderly built. He had long, rusty red hair that went down nearly to his waist. He kept it pulled back much the same way Lucius did his own. His dark blue eyes were very deep set, making his brow more pronounced than most. The most unsettling feature about Evan was his smile. His creepy, Cheshire Cat smile. Whenever he flashed that grin, there was an insane quality added to his whole presence. 

He was the type of man who preyed on the weak. He was a talented wizard and a dangerous one. If it wasn’t for his preference for more submissive women, most thought he would make a good match for Bellatrix Black. As it was, the two would kill each other within a week if forced to marry. No, Evan had a need to dominate in his relationships, both personal and professional. It pushed the red haired wizard into being stronger. He would do whatever was needed, and more, to succeed.

Right now, the snake was propped up by one arm against the back of the chair Ackerly was sitting in. He was leaned in close, smile spread wide across his face, as he teased the stuttering girl. Severus watched as he reached out and took a bit of her hair between his fingers and toyed with it, making her hunch over a little more and lean away from him. He couldn’t tell what the other man was saying to her, but he knew it couldn’t be good. 

“Please excuse me…” he didn’t wait for a response from Lucius before taking off quickly. 

Severus pushed his way through the crowd as he made his way back towards the chair. By the time he reached it, Evan was brushing the hair off her shoulder and exposing her neck. She was visibly shaking. Her eyes were squeezed shut tightly and her knuckles were white from how hard she was gripping the sides of her arms. He didn’t want to know what sorts of things Evan had been saying before he showed back up. 

“Rosier,” he said sharply and the red haired man stood up straight with that sickening smile on his face.

“Hello there, Snape,” Evan chuckled lowly and gave a content sigh at the end, “I was just having the most lovely chat with your little Gryffindor. Wasn’t I?” he nudged her elbow and she jumped a little before nodding quickly.

“Come on, Ackerly,” he reached past Rosier to grab her arm, “Lucius has rooms for everyone…” he wished he could spend the days they would be stuck here locked up in a room, but he wasn’t that lucky. He was expected to be around.

“Snape, Snape, Snape…” the other man threw an arm around his shoulders and tugged him a few feet away. 

He shrugged off the slimy man’s grip, “What do you want, Rosier?”

“What would you take for the night? Money is a bit cliche, I think we can get a little more creative than that.”

“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, Rosier…”

Evan licked his lips a bit and looked over his shoulder at Ackerly, “Don’t be so dense, Snape. I know you don’t get around much, but you can’t tell me you’ve had a girl in your house to yourself for weeks on end and not had a little fun. Don’t be so greedy. If you really want money, we can do that. Though if I don’t enjoy it, I might want a bit of that back.”

Disgust crossed his face as he realized what the other man was wanting, “She’s not a prostitute. I’m not having _fun_ with her. She is my assistant. Now excuse me.”

Severus was done with this. He pushed his way past the other man and back to Ackerly. He pulled her up by the arm and was glad she didn’t try to fight him. He was sure she was as ready to leave as he was. He shot a glance back over his shoulder at Evan and decided he would reinforce the lock on the room with spells of his own. Ackerly wouldn’t stand a chance against him on her own. Especially without her wand. Lucius was right. She was a little mouse and he’d dropped her into a snake pit.

“A-a-are we-we g-g-g-going ho-home?” she could normally at least get through a few words without stammering, but as they climbed the stairs, she couldn’t say anything without stuttering. 

“No. I’m taking you to your room.”

Severus grabbed a house elf as they walked and it lead them through the maze like mansion before stopping at one of the rooms. He had stayed at Malfoy Manor several times in the past few years and he knew that the size of the guest room had a direct correlation to how the Malfoy’s viewed someone.

This room was small. The bed was barely larger than the small bed he had at home. There wasn’t even a nightstand. Just a small chair near the end of the bed. No dresser or closet. It was not a room for people who were expected to stay for any extended period of time. The window was shaded with a thin curtain that wouldn’t keep out much light when day time came.

“I will have one of the house elves come check on you. If you need me, tell them and they will come get me,” house elf magic was different. They would be able to get around his locking spells when he was sure another wizard couldn’t, “Just stay in here,” the instructions were simple. He lead her towards the bed and waited till she sat down before starting to leave.

“Wait!” she lunged after him and grabbed on his arm tightly, “P-please d-don’t g-g-go. Don’t-don’t le-leave m-me.”

She was obviously still terrified. He didn’t blame her, “I’m sorry, but I have to. You’ll be safe in here. I promise,” it didn’t seem to help her though. She gripped so tight that he was sure her fingernails were going to break through the fabric of his shirt and go right into his skin.

“P-Please…” she pleaded with him.

Severus looked down at her terrified face and sighed lightly. Any anger she had towards him about having kidnapped her was replaced with fear over all the other people here that she’d seen. She would rather be with him than to be alone in this room. No amount of locking spells or charms would make her feel safe, “Very well,” it would be hard to convince people like Rosier that he was not sleeping with her if he didn’t return tonight. Even still, he felt like he owed it to her.

While he knew that keeping her captive was his issue, he still wholly blamed James and his friends for putting her in this situation. He hadn’t wanted a fight that night. Remus could have taken her to help rather than staying with his friends. They all could have came back for her. Despite that, he was the one here now and he was the one that had to take care of her. 

Sighing softly, he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and it was only once he was down that she finally released the death grip on his arm, “I’m sorry about Rosier. He’s mostly harmless,” he lied. No reason to upset her more than she already was, “I would have brought you in here sooner, but they had to see you.”

“It-it’s ok-kay,” she stuttered softly. Severus tried not to get annoyed with her stammering. He knew it wasn’t her fault. For as long as she had been staying with him, he noticed that the stutter was normal for her. She could no more help it than he could help having a crooked nose.

“You should get some rest. I’ll stay here. I promise.”

She didn’t fight him about it, or say anything at all about it. Ackerly just nodded lightly and laid out on the bed behind him. She didn’t even bother to remove her shoes as she turned her back to him and curled up slightly. Severus was tempted to leave once he was sure she was asleep, but he was no more eager than she was to return to the festivities down below.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day wasn’t any better for Lavender. If anything, it was worse. She had hoped to spend her time in the small room, but it appeared that wasn’t the case. Snape was expected to bring her out and show everyone what an obedient assistant she was. He instructed her of the role she was to play after the woke. Things about how proud she was to be serving the Dark Lord and how to keep her head down and not cause trouble. It seemed simple enough.

At least till she was sitting at a table with a bunch of Death Eaters for dinner the next night. Never in her life could she have even entertained the thought of a situation like this. Voldemort himself was sitting at the same table as her. Granted, he was at the opposite end, but he was there. He sat quietly as everyone ate and talked. It was like any other dinner party she’d been to, but the subject matters were bone chilling. She even heard someone discussing how humane it was to smother a half-blood child at birth to spare them the life of being ‘dirty’. 

Despite the lack of food the day before, Lavender couldn’t find it in herself to stomach anything in front of her. It took a great amount of force to get herself to even drink a glass of water. Snape beside her didn’t seem to have the same issue. He didn’t seem to have any issues with eating with these people. 

She wondered how long he’d been working with these people. There were always rumors that he would become a Death Eater. How long had he considered it before going through with it? She knew he’d been Lily’s friend at one point. How could he work with these people knowing that Lily was the kind of person they hated? Part of her had wondered if Snape had a crush on Lily. Certainly if he was spending time with these sorts of people, then those rumors couldn’t be true. 

As silly as it was, she sometimes had hoped that Snape had feelings for Lily. That somehow he would manage to win the perfect witch over and that would leave James free. Not that she thought James would ever want to go out with someone like her. Still, she had a better chance with Lily out of picture than with Lily still in it. No. Lavender knew that James Potter had never looked at her that way. Even the way he did treat her was more like the cousin no one wanted around, but tolerated because they were a little slow to catch onto things. A mild annoyance that had never caused enough of a problem to be asked to leave.

The feelings she had on James Potter started almost as early as his did for Lily. Despite being a pureblood herself, Lavender had no prior contacts with any of the other wizarding children. So after being sorted, she sat alone at the Gryffindor table. She did that for several weeks before Lily came over to sit with her one day. Trailing along with her was James and his friends. James was nothing like the only other man she knew in her life, her father. He was outgoing and confident, even as a child. Lavender had had feelings for him since then. Not that she had told anyone, not even Lily.

Not that other boys hadn’t caught her eye. She’d even entertained the thought of Snape himself. He seemed, physically, a better match for her than James. While perfect Lily had perfect James; it seemed fitting that she have someone more on her level. Of course Lily had said she should talk to Peter more. While Peter might have been willing, Snape had always been out of the question. He might not have been the most attractive, but he was smart and talented. It never seemed worth it to attempt anything though. No boys ever looked at her. Not the way they did Lily and Mary. Lavender was a pureblood and her family would eventually follow tradition and arrange a suitable marriage for her. It didn’t bother her as much as it bothered Lily when she told the red haired witch about it.

Right now, all her old little worries and doubts seemed silly. Why worry about finding a boy to kiss her when she had to worry about Death Eaters killing her?

The dinner seemed to go on forever. There weren’t nearly as many people at the table as there had been in the basement-dungeon. She wondered if the others would be coming back. She had been thankful not to see Evan Rosier. The red haired wizard had never paid attention to her in school, but the attention she received from him the night before had been disturbing. It would suit her just fine if she never had to see him again.

Sadly, luck wasn’t on her side anymore tonight than it ever had been.

It wasn’t till he spoke that she realized he was sitting on the other side of her from Snape. She’d been keeping her head low, letting her hair cover most of her face, and avoiding making eye contact with anyone. Doing her best not to be noticed and to keep out of any of the horrid conversations. So when Rosier sat beside her and began to eat, she hadn’t noticed him. It wasn’t till he was an inch from her ear and whispering into it that she knew, “Well, if it isn’t the little mouse again…” it was half hissed into her ear and she jumped in her seat. 

Her reaction got a few sniggers from those sitting around them and Snape immediately attempted to excuse them from the table, but Rosier had other plans, “Nonsense, Snape. Dinner has only just started,” though she could swear it had been going on for hours. Her body tensed as he slid an arm around her shoulders, “The little mouse hasn’t ate a thing yet.”

“If she’s not hungry, that’s no concern of yours,” Snape growled lowly.

“Maybe she wants to be a spoiled mouse,” she kept her head down and saw Rosier reach over and grab the piece of bread from her plate, “Sometimes you have to treat them like a spoiled princess, Snape. Can’t have her messing her own fingers,” she kept her mouth closed tight as he brought it up to her lips, “And sometimes they just need a little convincing,” the hand on her shoulders slid down to her waist and he teased along her waist a little till she opened her mouth. Being handfed was most certainly not what she wanted, but it seemed he intended on touching her till she did as he wanted. It seemed simpler to let him have his way. So Lavender opened her mouth and let him feed her the bread, “There now. That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” he asked her softly as the hand on her waist finally retreated.

Lavender knew it was too much to hope that was the end of it. No. Rosier seemed to enjoy making her feel uncomfortable. He was giving her all the attention a girl could want from a man she had feelings for; yet there was an unnerving quality about it all. His calling her a ‘mouse’ didn’t help matters. She got the feeling that he saw himself as a snake and he was simply playing with his food.

Snape seemed to understand her discomfort. He was unable to get her free of Rosier’s grip for the remainder of the meal. He brushed the hair from her face and shoulder so he could watch the unease on her face. He forced her to take food from his fingers and off his fork. Despite the small coughing fit she had at trying wine for the first time, she ended up drinking a whole glass at his insistence. It made her head feel light.

It wasn’t till the meal was over and Rosier tried to get her to walk off with him that Snape and her managed to end it, “P-please…” she dug her heels into the floor as he started leading her towards the door.

“Enough, Rosier,” Snape snapped, “Ackerly has things to do. You wouldn’t want to get in the way of important potions work for the Dark Lord, now would you?”

That got the man’s attention, “No. No I wouldn’t,” it was said darkly as he released her wrist. Lavender backed away from him quick, “I suppose that private talk I wanted to have can wait till you’re not so busy, Mouse.”

“Come on, Ackerly,” she twitched a little as Snape grabbed her arm gently and started leading her back towards the room they had shared, “I’m sorry…” he said softly.

Lavender had been tempted to say that it wasn’t his fault that Rosier was a creep. It was true that he couldn’t help Rosier’s personality, but it was his fault she was here in the first place. It was his fault she was being subjected to Rosier. She accepted that he had lied and taken her in to save her life, but that didn’t change the fact that she was a prisoner. Nor did she want to say that it was okay. It wasn’t okay. When Rosier had her wrist and was trying to coax her to go with him, she had been terrified. That wasn’t okay, “I j-just want to s-s-sleep…” she replied.

“Of course. I won’t be able to stay tonight. I’m expected to be with the others.”

For that, she was fine with stating that it was okay, “A-alright…” being alone right now didn’t seem so bad.

They walked in silence till they reached the room. Snape tapped his wand on the handle and she actually found herself feeling reassured that it was Snape being the one to keep the room safe. Rosier wasn’t nearly as untalented as her, but he certainly couldn’t break Snape’s spells and charms. That much she felt confident about.

But what if he did get through? Would Rosier actually come to her room? Lavender liked to think that he was only interested in embarrassing her when he saw her. Once she was out of the room, he would forget about her existence. She was just something to pass the time with. There weren’t likely many here that he could embarrass and toy with. She was just a natural target for his ego. Then again, what if her managing to get away for a second time was enough to anger him? What if he did decide to sneak away from whatever was going on in the basement and decided to try to make good on some of the things he had whispered into her ear?

The possibility alone that someone like Rosier be the first man to kiss her...it made her shudder. She couldn’t even make herself think about some of the other things he’d said. If she did, it might make her ill.

Lavender felt scared suddenly. Snape left her standing just inside of the door and he turned to leave, ready to lock the door behind him, “S-Snape…” she said softly.

“Do you need something?” he asked with his back to her.

“...no,” he didn’t respond. Instead he started out of the room again, “Wait!”

“I told you before, I can’t stay tonight.”

“I know…” she didn’t know what she meant to do or say.

“Out with it then, Ackerly. I don’t have all night.”

Her hands were gripped together and she kept staring down at her feet, “Will you ki-kiss me?” the words barely got out. Out of her current options, Snape seemed the better one, “I just...I w-w-want to know what it f-feels like…” after it came out, she regretted it, “I’m sorry. For-forget it.”

Snape didn’t leave though. He stood there in silence and she could feel his eyes on her, “Why would you ask for something like that? From me, of all people.”

“...W-who else would I as-ask?”

He seemed to accept that as a valid enough answer, “You shouldn’t resort to that. You’re going to be going home soon and you will be able to forget all of this. You’ll just regret it. You’re not the woman I want and I’m not the man you want.”

“You want Lily…” she said softly before flicking her eyes up to see the surprise on his face, “I c-could t-tell...No one-one will ever w-want me that way. They never ha-have and th-they never will,” whatever wizard her parents found for her, she knew their marriage would be loveless. Her job would be to have a child and raise that child. To keep their family lines going and keep it pure, if the Dark Lord had his way. Love wasn’t needed to create and raise a child. Her parents didn’t love each other, but their home wasn’t a bad one. It was quiet and well organized. That was how Lavender imagined her married life would be.

After a while, Lavender stopped complaining to Lily and Mary about no boys liking her in their fifth year. The two always told her to just go for it with a guy or that she would find love one day. It got upsetting to hear them talking about James and Remus, and whatever boys were there before those two. She remembered the first day Lily came back from Hogsmeade after her first date. It was Sebastian Shaw, a Ravenclaw boy a year ahead of them. She was all blushing and happy about it. It had upset Lavender enough to not speak to Lily for a week, not that anyone could really notice a difference in her talking and not talking to someone.

While Mary and Lily and all the other girls went to Hogsmeade on the weekends for dates, Lavender had only been to Hogsmeade a total of three times in her years at Hogwarts. She just never saw a point in it. She would write to her parents to ask for money for school supplies, go get what she needed, and head back to the castle. Lavender didn’t enjoy sweets and she had nothing to talk or gossip about, so there was no other reason for her to stay in the wizarding village when they were allowed.

If she really thought about it, the last time she really thought about dating was at the end of their fifth year. Around when Lily had started to warm up to James. 

Lavender was sure he would leave and went back to looking at her shoes. It surprised her when she felt him slide his hand against her cheek and she lifted her head up to look at him again. He didn’t say anything and she wasn’t able to say anything. She just tilted her head as he leaned his down and pressed his lips against hers.

It wasn’t what she had hoped a kiss would feel like, but it was what she had been expecting. The setting was hardly romantic, nor was the situation. Snape’s lips were cold and lifeless, not that she imagined hers were any better. Neither of them closed their eyes. Nor did they try to move or deep the kiss in any way. He kept one hand on her cheek and the other hung awkwardly at his side. Her own hands were balled up against the sides of her dress.

It only lasted a moment before he pulled back, “...I’m sorry. That wasn’t...good,” he admitted.

Lavender bit her lower lip and shook her head a little, “It’s okay…”

As surprised as she had been that he kissed her in the first place, she was more surprised when waved his wand to close the bedroom door and he moved to kiss her again. Lavender didn’t resist. This time, his hand slid up into her hair and his other moved to her hip. Her hands moved up to his shoulders as he kissed her again. It was more passionate this time. Like she thought a couple who cared for each other would kiss. It was more heated and she let her eyes close. It didn’t make her heart flutter, but it felt nice.


	8. Chapter 8

Severus had never kissed a girl before. His roommates had tried to convince him into going out with the girls they did. Girls willing to do anything, with anyone, if they thought it would provide for them in some way. For many years, he held out hope that Lily would be his first kiss. That she would come back to him and realize that she had feelings for him too. It wasn’t long after that he realized it was never going to happen. Still, he couldn’t see himself being with random girls.

When Ackerly had asked him to kiss her, he thought he misheard what she said. But no. He realized that she had said what he thoughts she did. Severus wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He’d always imagined what it be like if Lily asked him to kiss her. He’d never thought about what it would be like if some other girl did.

It wasn’t as if Ackerly was an unattractive girl. Plain and simple, but not unattractive. She wasn’t all that talented as a witch, but she managed better marks than a few of his roommates who came from too many marriages between cousins. She wasn’t loud or outgoing. No. Truth be told, until this situation started, he probably would have had a hard time remembering her name if he saw her in the streets. Even though he knew she had followed Lily around for years, almost as pitifully as he had at first, he would have forgotten her entire existence if she had not got sucked into all of this. She certainly was the sort of person someone forgot minutes after she left a room. Not that Snape felt that was a bad thing. There was something to be said for people who could slip away unremembered.

But something about how she said that no one would ever want her tugged at his heart. He felt the same way. Part of him remained hopeful that the Dark Lord could bring Lily back to him, but logically, he knew it would never happen. He was going to be alone forever. Even if he managed to find a wife who was content with him, there would never anyone to love or want him. Ackerly had managed to do something that he’d never thought possible. She asked him for a kiss. A kiss from him.

That first kiss had been disappointing. Unsatisfying and cold. He realized it was her first kiss. After all, who else would have kissed her before now? Still, he had hoped for more in his first kiss. When he pulled away, his intention was for it to end there. He had done as she had asked. It seemed like it was the least he could do, considering what he had been putting her through. 

But Severus found himself wanting more. He wanted a real kiss. To know what it felt like. 

When he kissed her the second time, after closing the door to give them some privacy, he was happy when she didn’t resist. Her hands touched his shoulders and they kissed the way he had see their classmates kiss in dark corridors. It was even a little relieving. For just the few minutes that it lasted, he didn’t feel tense or stressed. It was a relaxing experience. It felt nice enough that he kept doing it. Ackerly didn’t push him away and before he knew it, they were sitting on the edge of the bed snogging. Neither was very good at it, but that didn’t make it feel any less good.

When it was over with, both needing air, they didn’t say anything. What was there to say? Severus wasn’t about to stick around to listen to her stutter through some kind of discussion about what this meant. It hadn’t meant anything. It had just felt good. He was thankful when he got up to leave and she didn’t stop him. 

Part of him had hoped that was the end of it. Especially when he saw her again in the morning and she didn’t say anything about it. In fact, she treated him exactly the same as she had before. She didn’t make him talk about it, she didn’t blush around him, and she didn’t treat him any differently. It was like it had never happened. Like the twenty minutes they had spent with his arms around her waist and her arms around his neck didn’t exist. Severus was happy with that.

It didn’t last though. He brought her back to her room that night after dinner again and had been ready to leave her there when he heard her ask if he would stay a few minutes. Dinner had been tense again. Rosier seemed intent on degrading Ackerly as much as he could. After a long talk with Lucius, Severus had been given permission for that night to be their last night there. They would leave in the morning. That news got back to Rosier and he seemed more determined to get what he wanted. But once again, he and Ackerly had managed to get away from the red haired creep. 

He’d informed her that he couldn’t stay long, not that he had the night they kissed anyway. She seemed to understand, but she asked if they could kiss again. Severus had been hesitant, but went along with it in the end. Mostly because of how it made him feel. They spent more time lip locked on the edge of the bed and it made him feel relaxed and calm. It was a little different the second time. It had started the same, with them standing and eventually moving back to the edge of the bed. Without thinking, he had pushed a little against her and she responded favorably, letting him push her back on the bed. It felt even better to snog with his body pressed more up against hers. 

It lasted a little longer than their first time, but not by much. After all, he hadn’t lied about not being able to stay. He was expected and it wouldn’t do well for him to ignore that. Still, it felt nice. He wondered if Ackerly felt the same about it. If it was a means of relaxation for her.

Not that Severus had bothered to ask her. No. They didn’t talk about it. Even when they went back to his home, they didn’t talk about it. Things went about as they had before. She cleaned and cooked. Keeping to herself. On rare occasions, he would see her try the front door or a window, as if she was expecting him to forget to lock them one day. He never did though. Things just remained quiet and calm.

At least till they both got caught in the small hall way leading from the kitchen to the upstairs. It was awkward. Both of them moved out of the way at the same time and then both tried to move at the same time. He had been heading down to the basement and she had been heading up to sleep. They had spent even less time together than before. But now they were face to face and bumped right into each other.

His hands went to her shoulders and he’d intended on moving her to the side so they could end this once and for all so he could pass. Ackerly seemed to think he wanted something else and leaned up to kiss him. He didn’t reject her pass. Kissing felt good. He had no reason to pass up an opportunity to do so. It was strange to kiss like this in the hallway. Severus thought to lead her up to one of the bedrooms, but the living room couch was closer. 

He didn’t even remember how they got to the couch, but they did. They kissed sitting up for a while, but much like the bed, he pushed her gently down to the threadbare cushions. Unlike at the Malfoy home, he had nowhere to go. No reason to stop. So they didn’t.

Had he detected Ackerly resisting in any way, he would have stopped, but she didn’t. She let him keep kissing and while she seemed nervous about his hands wandering, she didn’t ask him to stop. Severus had given up hope that he’d ever be with a girl this way. Now that it was happening, he realized how good it actually felt and how reluctant he was to let it stop. After all, once she left, how many chances would he have like this.

That was how they got to the awkward moment they were in now. Him standing in front of the couch and fixing his pants while she sat up on the cushions and pushed the skirt of her dress back down to her knees. Her knickers were laying on the floor nearby. Much like their first kiss, it hadn’t been the best feeling. It was over with quickly and they were both clumsy about it. It was obvious by the look of discomfort on her face as it happened that it hadn’t been a pleasurable experience for her. Then again, it hadn’t felt that wonderful to him either. Not terrible, but nothing like what he thought it should feel like.

She hadn’t asked him to stop or told him not to go through with it. There were a few moments during it that it had felt good. Mostly the release. Like kissing, it had been rather relaxing. While she didn’t seem to get the same kind of feeling out of it, she had been somewhat encouraging. There were a few times when he felt her arch up against him and moan a bit. 

There was some mild satisfaction out of knowing that at least he wouldn’t die a virgin. It may not have been the best experience he could have had and not with the person he would have preferred, but it was better than nothing he supposed.

“Ackerly...I…” as much as he would have preferred not to say anything, he knew they couldn’t ignore it, “...you didn’t feel as if you _had_ to do that, did you?” he asked as he tucked his shirt back into his pants before fastening his belt.

She moved around behind him a little, gathering up her under garments and slipping them up her legs as she stood up, “N-no,” he wished she hadn’t stuttered. It was hard to tell if she was being honest or just telling him what he wanted to hear when she did that.

“You didn’t have to if you didn’t want to…” he was positive it was her first time as well and he doubted it was how she’d expected her first time.

“I...I know…” she said softly as she smoothed her dress out, “B-but it’s not l-like I expected better…” she seemed to realize how it sounded and her head shot up quick, “Not th-that it was b-bad. Jus-just…”

Severus shook his head, “It’s alright. It’s not what I expected either. I didn’t plan it,” he still wasn’t sure how exactly they got into that. One moment, they were kissing and she let him push the hem of her dress up a little; then the next moment he was unfastening his belt and she was kicking her panties off. He remembered the gasp in his ear and how her fingers clenched his shoulders tight as he pushed inside of her. The release had been the best part, but the first moment of feeling how tight her body was; Severus couldn’t think of anything that compared to it.

“I know…” she pushed some of her hair behind her ear as she looked down at the floor.

“...I, uh...I have to work on something…” that’s why he was coming down the stairs in the first place. To do work.

She nodded lightly, “I’m go-going to lie d-down…”

He nodded back in response before moving towards the door that lead to the basement. He heard her heading through the kitchen door and let out a deep breath. Severus didn’t know how to feel. He’d never been prone to too much fantasy or masturbation. He’d just always imagined Lily and him in a nice, warm bed together. Nothing strange or anything. Just the two of them together, falling asleep in each others arms. Now he was slinking off to the basement after having his way with a girl he was being forced to keep captive. It made the ‘nice’ feeling he got from it fade quickly.

If anything, he felt worse now than he had before.


	9. Chapter 9

Sex with Snape wasn’t terribly unpleasant. It hurt more than she had thought sex would. There was a tight, pinching feeling at first. It took a few moments of Snape being inside of her to get used to it. It had ended almost as quickly as it started though. Her body only had enough time to really process the initial pain and then it was over. She remembered pressing up against him and even moaning a little into his ear as he thrust forward the first few times. Feeling him finish had been strange. He groaned lowly and pressed his hips down against hers. The throbbing feeling of him inside of her was hard to process.

It felt her feeling disappointed in herself. Lavender knew she should have stopped it. She shouldn’t have gone through with it. Should have stopped him when she felt him unfastening his belt and pushing her dress up. But she hadn’t and now it was done with. 

Would her family be upset with her if they found out about it? What if the marriage they tried to arrange for her had to be stopped because they found out she wasn’t a virgin? Was that still as important these days? Lily had told her about her first time with James a few months ago. Mary hadn’t gone that far with Remus, but she had with her previous boyfriend. But both of them were Muggleborns. Perhaps things were different for muggles. Her mother had never talked to her about sex before, but she got the feeling she was supposed to wait till marriage.

Heading up to her room, she climbed into the bed still fully dressed and stared at the wall as she tucked the thin blanket up under her chin. Lavender wished she could take back what they had just done.

Why had she gone through with it? Based on the things he had asked, he seemed to think she only did it because she thought she had to. Lavender wanted to think that wasn’t true, but part of her believed it. After all, she was his prisoner, wasn’t she? He kept telling her that she would get to go home, but she saw nothing to support that. What would he have done if she had told him to stop? Snape had never seemed the type to force himself on a woman. Then again, he’d never seemed the type to kidnap either. Maybe part of her decision had been based on that and not the tiny crush like feelings she’d felt once or twice for him in the past.

She’d closed her eyes tight and forced herself to sleep. Just to avoid thinking about it for a little while.

Not that it had worked for long.

It was a few days later, but she found herself perched on the edge of the kitchen counter as Snape pushed between her thighs again. It had started as strangely as their first time. They cornered each other by accident in the small kitchen and he made the first move this time. He touched her hip and she blushed as she looked up at his face. The kissing was more intense this time. Heated and hard. They didn’t make it to the couch. Instead, he helped her onto the low counter top and pushed her dress up to her hips. It didn’t last any longer than the first time. Maybe a few moments longer, but nothing much. 

By the time she climbed off the counter and straightened out her dress, he had left the room. It seemed he didn’t want to discuss it this time. Lavender was actually thankful for that. It wasn’t as if she would know what to say about it anyway.

The third and fourth times were the same. In fact, they became almost habit. They would cross paths at some random point in their days in the kitchen and he would have his way with her on the counter and before she could get her underwear back up, he was gone. Each time felt a little better and lasted a little longer. 

Lavender could have easily sought him out in the small house and made him talk about it, but she didn’t really see a point in it. They both seemed to get something they needed out of it. It helped her forget, if just for a few minutes, the situation she was in. What he got out of it, she didn’t know and didn’t want to know. 

By the time he was helping her up to her usual spot on the counter tonight, Lavender had even started getting more physical enjoyment out of it. Severus might have been a greedy lover, but at least he was gentle. It was strange to think that just a few months ago, she thought she’d either never have sex in her life or that she’d only do so to give a child to her husband. Now it was almost daily routine. 

She slipped down and straightened her dress out as the kitchen door was swinging shut as he headed towards the basement lab he worked in. She sighed softly and started cleaning the dishes. She had become used to the feeling of him inside of her. That wet feeling afterwards was not entirely pleasant, but she could tolerate it till she bathed for the night. 

What caught her off guard tonight was the sound of knocking. No one had ever come here before. Not in the time she’d been here. Lavender looked up, bewildered for a moment as the knock came again.

Dropping the soapy rag, arms still wet from the sink water, she dashed towards the kitchen door and swung it open fast. The knocking was coming from the front door. Her eyes widened. This was her chance. What she had been hoping for to happen for weeks. Lavender didn’t waste another moment. She ran for the door and pulled hard on the handle, but it didn’t budge, “Help!” she screamed and she heard the people on the other side stumble back in surprise, “Please! Help!”

A hand wrapped around her mouth from behind. It was Snape. She wasn’t giving up though. She bit his hand and he shouted in surprise as he dropped her to the floor, “Help!” she screamed again as Snape pointed his wand at her. Her voice disappeared and ropes wrapped tightly around her. She felt tears stinging her eyes. She really was his prisoner. All that talk about going home...it was lies. She knew it for sure now.

Despite the curse on her throat and the ropes biting into her arms, she struggled on the floor. Kicking and trying to get back to her feet as Snape started dragging her back to the kitchen. The knocking started again. She had hoped whoever it was would have tried to bust the door down at hearing a girl shouting for help. Instead, they were just knocking like it was nothing, “Stop it!” he snapped at her as he dumped her on the kitchen floor, “Are you trying to get yourself killed?! Stay here!” he ordered as he headed back out.

Lavender wasn’t ready to give up yet. If this was someone who would kill her, then so be it. But what if it wasn’t? What if it was someone who could and would help her. She had to make every effort possible. That in mind, she started inching herself back towards the door. Scooting herself along on her side with her toes.

She heard the door open and hushed voices. One of the voices raised and it sounded very familiar. They were arguing. Snape was shouting now, “She’s not a possession! You can’t do this! You’re her father! Put a stop to this!” Lavender didn’t think enough of herself to think they were talking about her.

Finally making it to the door, she turned herself around and kicked at it. All the voices stopped and she heard feet moving towards it, “Get out of my house! All of you!” she heard him shout, but it didn’t appear that they were.

When the door opened in front of her, she felt her heart skip a beat, “Hello there, my little Mouse,” it was Rosier. Standing there with his red hair hanging around his shoulders and his smile as wide as ever. His face taking on that deranged quality that made her shiver. Scared, she started trying to get away from the door, but he reached down and grabbed the binds, dragging her up to her feet and close to him, “Look at this, she can’t even express how happy she is to see me. Don’t you think so, _Father_?”

But as he turned her out to the living room, she expected to see Rosier Sr. Instead, it was Snape, Malfoy, and her own father, “Lavender!” her father was not the most affectionate man in the world, but she was his only child and he did care for her. But as he moved towards her, Lucius swung out his cane and held it against the man’s chest.

Lavender didn’t understand what was happening, but it made her stomach feel tight.


	10. Chapter 10

Sex on the kitchen counter wasn’t exactly romantic or comfortable, but the act itself felt good and he supposed that was what really mattered when it came down to it. Ackerly was receptive to his needs. He didn’t think he was unreasonable about it. He never made a pass at her while she seemed busy with something. It felt good to be with her once a day on the counter. Severus found the location to be perfect for his needs. He could overlook the slight discomfort of the position given how he it let him feel and how easy it was to slip away afterwards.

After their brief rutting on the counter, he could get his pants closed and be out the kitchen door by the time she was slipping off the counter and pulling her knickers up. Ackerly didn’t seem to mind. He figured that she had about as much to say about it as he did. After a week of it, she had even started moving her hips against his more and moaning softly into his ear. It helped it to feel better for him knowing she was getting some amount of pleasure out of it.

Avery had joked several times about how Snape would only ever be able to get prostitutes. It was good knowing he wouldn’t die a virgin and that he was able to be with a girl he wasn’t paying. The good feeling tended to fade once he remembered why she was here in the first place. He couldn’t shake the feeling that she only let him do it because she thought she had to. Severus knew he should just put a stop to it and that way he wouldn’t have to worry about that at all.

But then he’d end up in the kitchen with her and get that urge to have that good feeling again. He’d press her up against the counter as he started kissing her and she would hop up onto the counter for him. Before he knew it, it would be over and he would feel so much more relaxed than he’d been before. It just felt good to have a body close to his own and doing something so intimate, even if it wasn’t intimate between them.

Her thin arms around his neck and her hips twitching lightly against his, he gripped her waist as he thrust against her. Feeling inside of her, she was warm and tight. It felt wonderful. Ackerly moaned into his ear softly and he groaned as he came. A few more short thrusts as he finished, Severus felt warm all over. His shoulders were relaxed and for the moment, he didn’t feel any stress. It was incredible. He knew for at least an hour, he would feel this way. It would be the best hour of his day.

Things wrapped up tonight as they always did. He pulled free from her body and started towards the door as he fixed himself back into his pants. He heard her hopping off the counter as the door shut behind him. He was fastening his belt as he headed down the stairs to his basement lab.

It was cold and dingy. It reminded him of the potion rooms at school. When his mother took to sleeping in what was his room, he had moved into the basement. There were always spiders hanging around and the dust never seemed to go away no matter how many times he charmed it or dusted it by hand. It didn’t really matter though. It worked for what he needed and he was sure he’d have a proper potion lab one day.

Severus was pulling out his papers and some books when he heard the knock. No one ever came to his house. Those that needed to contact him just sent owls and the like. When he first hear the sound, he thought it was someone knocking on the neighbor’s door. The houses on Spinner’s End were very close together. They had no yards or anything like that. Just depressing houses crammed next to each other. There was a small window in the basement, so he was sure he was just hearing someone next door.

But then it happened again and he heard movement in the kitchen above him and the sound of the kitchen door scraping the floor lightly as it opened. More knocking and he realized that it was his own door and he heard Ackerly’s feet padding quickly above him as she ran for it. 

Quickly, he dropped his books and started scrambling up the stairs, tripping as he went. He heard her screaming and the front door rattling as she shook it. Severus couldn’t believe this was happening. His job was to keep her here and out of trouble, but he realized he had grown too comfortable at having her here. He’d allowed her too much freedom around his house. She shouldn’t even had access to the living room, he realized too late.

She was at the door and screaming for help. While he could keep the neighbors from hearing her, it would be impossible for the people outside the door not to hear it. Unsure of what else to do, Severus rushed over to her and grabbed at her. Part of him had been expecting her to just give up. Instead, she bit his hand and he dropped her in surprise. 

As much as it pained him to do, he had to restrain her. He grabbed for his wand and wordlessly cast a spell to take away her voice. Few their age could do non-vocal magic, but Severus had always been more talented than the average wizard. Next were the ropes that sprang to life from his wand and tightened around her body. It still didn’t stop her. She kept squirming and part of him wished he could just open the door and let her go. Let her get herself killed if that’s what she wanted. But no, he couldn’t do it. This wasn’t her fault. She was reacting naturally to the situation.

Groaning, he grabbed her binds and started dragging her back to the kitchen. The place where he’d had his way with her daily for over a week. Hearing her screaming and calling out for help left a heavy feeling in his stomach as he looked at the counter briefly. He’d violated her. It wasn’t just sex. Ackerly had wanted a kiss because she had been scared and it satisfied some kind of need for comfort at the time. He could even put that same opinion towards their first time together on the couch. But every time since then, he believed was out of fear. Perhaps she saw him no better than Rosier. That he would take what he wanted, no matter her feelings on it, so it was easier to just give in. However today played out, Severus promised himself they wouldn’t be having sex again. He knew he couldn’t make her do it again. It had to stop.

“Stop it!” he snapped at her as he dumped her on the kitchen floor and she kept trying to move, “Are you trying to get yourself killed?! Stay here!” he ordered as he headed back out to see who kept knocking. 

Leaving her in the kitchen, he ran a hand through his hair before heading for the door. Severus tucked his wand away and took a deep breath before opening it. He was shocked to see Malfoy of all people. He had thought the blond wizard would always feel too full of himself to come to a place like Spinner’s End. Even now, he could see that Lucius was not all that happy to be here, “Lucius,” he said, unable to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Hello, Snape,” that voice surprised him more than seeing Malfoy. The red haired Rosier stepped out from behind the other man. His cheshire grin unnerving as ever.

“What’re you doing here?”

“That’s no way to greet friends, Severus,” ever the proper one, Lucius was, “We’re here on a personal matter, which I believe would be best discussed indoors.”

Severus didn’t see that he had much of a choice. His reluctance or refusal would not go unpunished in the long run. Slowly, he stood out of the way as the men came into the house. It wasn’t just Malfoy and Rosier though. There was a third man. He was older than the three other wizards, heavier set, with thinning hair. There was nothing special about his appearance. Just an older wizard, but one he was unfamiliar with. The man looked nervous and anxious about something, “What business did you have?” he didn’t want this going on too long. Eventually Ackerly would squirm her way to the table or somewhere else that she could kick things and make noise.

“Was that my little mouse I heard yelling before?” Rosier asked with a chuckle and the third man’s eyes went a little wide.

Severus finally recognized the dull features on the unknown wizard’s face. It was the same as Ackerly’s. The same dull, listless eyes. Even as nervous as he appeared, those were the same eyes. As far as he knew, she was an only child. He couldn’t imagine this being anyone other than her father. It made the heavy feeling in his stomach that much worse, “State your business, please. I have work to do. I was in the middle of a potion for the Dark Lord.”

“It really has little to do with you, Severus,” Lucius stated bluntly, “Though it was your idea, so I thought it only fair to include you.”

He didn’t understand, “What?”

“You asked the Dark Lord to have Miss. Ackerly relieved of her assistance to you and returned to her family. He’s granting that request,” part of him want to ask the other man to repeat himself. He was shocked by what he was hearing. It made him feel a little better about everything. She was going to get to go home and find a way to move on from this all, “You stated that she would serve her family and our cause better by being with her family and being married to a respectable pure-blood wizard. The Dark Lord feels the same.”

He watched Rosier’s grin widen more, if that were at all possible, and Mr. Ackerly’s face fall a little more, “I did...I did say that…” he said softly.

“That you did, Snape, and I can’t thank you enough for it,” Rosier clapped him over his shoulders hard enough to make him buckle, “I can’t think of a more suitable wife for me. Neither could my soon to be father-in-law when I asked for her hand,” though Severus was sure there was more telling than asking.

He furrowed his brow and felt himself getting angry. He knew Rosier was only doing this because she had managed to elude him at the party. Just to spite them both, he was going to force her into marriage. It was petty and disgusting, “She’s not a possession! You can’t do this! You’re her father! Put a stop to this!” he finally snapped.

“Now, now, Severus, no need to raise voices. There is a fine tradition of arranged marriages. This is nothing out of the ordinary,” Lucius tried to be the voice of reason, or rather justification, “Mr. Ackerly, you stated yourself that you and your wife were arranged, correct?” the man was slow to respond, but he nodded slowly, “I, myself, couldn’t imagine a better arrangement than my own.”

He was still angry, “Get out of my house! All of you!” he wasn’t about to let Ackerly go into Rosier’s waiting claws. Once the redhead tired of her, the only way out of the marriage would be death. He’d never forgive himself for letting her go into this and reading about her body being found in an alley somewhere one day and Rosier being the grieving husband with a new witch on his arm the next week. This was nothing more than a petty power trip for Rosier. One that Ackerly would pay the price for.

“As I said before, Severus, this has little to do with you. You’re only being involved as a courtesy. Mr. Ackerly has already agreed to the marriage. It’s going to be in three days,” which was fairly quick for any kind of wedding. He couldn’t see Rosier letting it being a small of simple event. No. This had been being planned for at least several days already. All that was left was to come get the bride to be. She was the last check box on the list.

Severus had been too shocked and angry to notice Rosier slipping past him to the kitchen. It wasn’t till he heard a little scuffling behind him that he turned around quick, “Look at this, she can’t even express how happy she is to see me. Don’t you think so, _Father_?” Rosier had her up on her feet, ropes still around her body, eyes wide with fear as the wizard held her close.

“Lavender!” her father finally spoke, but Lucius kept him from rushing towards his daughter with his cane.

He didn’t know what to do. She was looking at him, as if expecting him to find a way to stop it all. As if he was going to rescue her from Rosier again, like he had at the party. Unfortunately, he had no way to do it this time. Before he could say anything at all, not that he could find the words, Lucius pat him on the shoulder, “You should receive your invite soon. For bringing them together, it would be sad for you to miss it.”

“...y-yes…” he said softly as he hung his head a little. Severus felt like a coward.

“Very good. No lift the anti-apparition charm from this place so we may leave,” Lucius likely felt it was bad enough he had to come here in the first place, he wasn’t about to walk out and risk being seen a second time. Slowly, he lifted his wand and waved it a little.

“Thanks for everything, Snape,” Rosier said with a small laugh as he pulled Ackerly close around the waist, “See you at the wedding. Come on, _Father_ , let’s get my bride fitted for her gown.”

Before they left, Severus lifted the curse he’d placed on her throat. She gasped loudly and before the lot of them disappeared, he heard her cry out, “No!” it tore at his heart. It hurt almost as much as the look on Lily’s face when he had called her a ‘Mudblood’. There were so few people in his life he had managed any semblance of closeness with and he’d managed to disappoint them all.

Ackerly had hardly been his friend or a lover. Yet she had shared his home for several months and he’d been intimate with her in a way he’d never been with anyone else. That meant something to him. Yet he had just let her fall into a snake pit where Rosier was the nastiest snake with the largest fangs. He was going to toy with her and then devour her whole once he tired of the game.

Why hadn’t he done more to stop it? 

Severus slumped down to the couch and buried his face in his hands, trying to will the painful throbbing in his temples away.


	11. Chapter 11

Lavender had never imagined what her wedding would be like. It just wasn’t something she had dwelled on. Mary had talked about her perfect wedding dress and cake and things like that. Lily had made comments too. It had just never been that important to Lavender. She always assumed that if it happened, it would be a simple affair and there wouldn’t be much need for planning. She had been partly right. There hadn’t been too much planning and none of it that she had been involved in.

Even still, she had thought if it were to happen, she would at least feel some sort of happiness or contentment. Instead, she sat in the small room alone and feeling utterly numb. The whole thing had been planned with her as an afterthought. Lily and Mary always said that the wedding day was all about the bride, but she had been in here for hours and not seen a single person. No one came to say hello or wish her well. Instead, they were all busy with themselves elsewhere in the mansion.

As scary as it had been to go to the Malfoy household, she was finding the Rosier mansion to be even worse. It was older than the Malfoy’s place, colder too. Where the Malfoy’s had unmoving paintings, the Rosier house didn’t even have that. Just cold, stone, barren walls. All the windows were covered in thick, black curtains. It was the middle of the day, yet the indoor had to be lit up with candles and fireplaces for there to be any kind of light. Even with all the candles and fires, it still managed to be freezing to the point where goosepimples dotted her arms.

After being dragged off by Rosier, her father, and Malfoy; she was filled in on the situation. Having managed to not get what he wanted, Rosier went off to find a way to get it just to spite Snape. In the end, it had been Malfoy who had suggested marriage. After all, Lavender was the quiet type. She wouldn’t talk back or cause any trouble for Rosier. She would never be the sort of woman caught up in any kind of scandal. It helped that she was pure-blood. If Rosier was determined to have what he wanted, marriage was a simple option.

Next was her father. Malfoy acted as a mediator for the negotiations. Not that there had been much. Rosier went in and stated his intent on marrying her and that was it. Her mother and father had been desperately worried about her. She and her family weren’t important enough to get mention in and kind of news, but people had been looking for her. It had made her feel a little better to know someone had missed her. She was sure her family had been told that not only would the marriage benefit them, having the protection of a Death Eater for a son-in-law, but that they would never see her again if they didn’t accept Rosier’s terms.

So now she was sitting on the stool seat in front of a small vanity and staring at herself. The dress was not the white kind she had figured she would wear should this day ever come. Not because Rosier or her family were aware of the fact that she wasn’t a virgin, but white simply didn’t fit in around here. No. It was a simple, black dress. Not that different from what she would normally wear. Lavender wasn’t meant to be noticeable. Today was about Evan Rosier and his ego.

Her hair wasn’t done. It just laid flat as usual. Looking dull and lifeless. Nor was she wearing any makeup. Her mother never wore makeup and while Lily had tried to teach her a bit, she hadn’t really liked it. Her eyes were a little puffy from crying up till just a few hours ago. It wasn’t as if anyone would notice. This was a celebration of a pure-blood marriage and Rosier continuing various traditions. She was no different from a piece of silverware on the table. Just a useful item.

The door opening behind her made her jump a bit. It broke her out of her thoughts for a moment. Especially when she saw who it was, “S-Snape?” she stood slowly and fiddled with the small bundle of dark red flowers she’d been given to carry, “What’re yo-you doing he-her-here?” it would be a lie if she said she hadn’t been angry with him at first. He’d done nothing to stop them from taking her other than telling them to leave his house. He’d promised her that she could go home to her family one day. All she had to do was just stay with him for a little while and then she would go home. Instead, she had spent three days locked up in this little room and only saw her parents twice. After today, this would be her home. 

Lavender didn’t even wait for him to answer her question. The anger bubbled up and for the first time in her life she actually lashed out. Without a second thought, she dropped the flowers and grabbed the vase they had been in and threw it at him. The dark haired man ducked just in time and it smashed against the door, “How could you!” it was rare for her not to stammer. But her anger seemed to help untwist her tongue.

“I’m sorry!” he shouted as he stood back up and brushed some of the glass off his coat, “I really am…” he said softly, “You have to believe me…”

Her jaw tightened and she wished she had more to throw at him, “Y-you said I c-c-could go-go ho-home! You l-lied!”

“I had nothing to do with this. I swear, Ackerly. I didn’t have any idea that Rosier would try something like this,” he sounded sincere, but it didn’t make her feel any better, “But I want to help.”

She eyed him a little, “R-really? How-how?”

“I’m going to distract everyone and you’re going to get out of here. There’s nothing to stop you from apparating out of here,” those charms had been lifted for the guests to come and go, “Just get as far away as you can,” he reached into his coat and pulled out a small bag of coins and his wand, “Take them.”

Lavender’s eyes locked onto the wand. He’d told her that he had destroyed hers. His offer of his own proved to her how concerned he was. A wand was something special. There was no telling if another witch or wizard’s wand would work properly for someone else. Snape wanted her to try though. In a moment of weakness, she took a step towards him and even reached for it, but she stopped herself and shook her head.

“Ackerly, just take it and go.”

“I...I can’t…” she said softly. It pained her to say it. Lavender wanted to run away. To get out of here and never look back. But she knew that wasn’t an option. Not really.

“He’s going to get tired of you and kill you. Don’t believe for a second that he won’t. Rosier is ruthless.”

It sent a shiver down her spine as he said that she would be killed. That’s why she hadn’t tried harder to escape his home. The threat of death, “I...I kn-know…”

“Then get out of here,” he moved towards her quick and shoved the wand into her hand, but she pulled back and shook her head, “Don’t be stubborn. Go find Lily and her friends. They’ll help you.”

Lavender wanted to. He was making it easy for her. She always took the easy way out. Took easy classes that she knew she could manage in, never pushing for any kind of advanced classes. Never rose her hand in classes. Never talked back to her parents. Always did what her friends wanted, even if it made her uncomfortable or nervous. She didn’t like confrontation, “...I can’t…” she said softly.

“Ackerly, he’s going to kill you,” he snapped sharply, “None of this is your fault. Just get out of here.”

“They...They...They’ll kill my-my p-p-parents…and fi-find me and k-kill me t-t-too,” not that she would add it in because she was still angry with him, but if they found him without a wand, they might kill him too if they even had a hint that he had helped her escape.

“Your parents are the ones letting this happen. They don’t have to,” but his voice didn’t sound so sure of that. If they said no, it was likely Rosier would find a way to blackmail them or just kill them and do what he wanted anyway.

“It’’s al-alright. I had no-no p-pl-plans for the fut-future anyway…” she hung her head a little and fought back the tears. 

Snape slid his wand back into his coat with the coins and she twitched a little as he slid a hand along her cheek and tilted her head back up, “I’m sorry for all of this. You weren’t supposed to be involved in any of this. This isn’t your fight,” Dumbledore had told them that it was all of their fight. That being on the sidelines was as bad as being on the Dark Lord’s side. Neutrality did not exist.

The words _it’s alright_ and _it’s not your fault_ wouldn’t come out of her mouth. Even if she wanted to say them, her mouth wouldn’t form them. It wasn’t alright and it was his fault. James might have pushed him into a fight, but he didn’t have to do it. If his own safety wasn’t a concern now, to be willing to give up his wand, then he could have let her go long before now. He could have said something to the Dark Lord and had this stopped. There surely could have been more that he could have done to put a stop to this all and had her released unharmed, “Everyo-one has to-to-to fight in their own w-w-way.”

Snape’s fingers were calloused and scarred from his potions work. He’d always been a dedicated student. She wondered when in his life he decided to turn that dedication to the Death Eaters cause. Was it his Slytherin classmates or would he have eventually ended up there no matter what? Not that it mattered now. 

Right now, she just wanted to forget everything. The wedding would be starting soon and she wanted just a few minutes where her thoughts were somewhere else.

Slowly, she raised up on her toes and kissed him softly. He let it go for a moment before tilting his head away, “You don’t have to do that for me anymore. I’m sorry I made you.”

Lavender had never really done the things she wanted. It had never seemed important, “I…” she tried to keep herself from stuttering, “I want to.”

“You’re going to be married,” but that didn’t stop his fingers from touching her waist.

“I’m n-not yet…” she still didn’t want to know what it was Snape had got out of their time together, but for her, it had always helped in forgetting her troubles for a short time. It allowed her to focus on the physical feeling and not the fact that she had been locked up in his house. Lavender didn’t imagine she would get the same feeling out of being with Rosier, if the wizard was even interested in being with her rather than just ordering her around for his own amusement.


	12. Chapter 12

Severus had no intentions on going through with what they did, but he caved in. There was a bed available to them, but instead he pressed her back against the door as they kissed. Ackerly wrapped her arms around his neck and he kept one hand on her waist as the other went to her thigh to pull her leg up against his hip. She seemed more into it then she had any time before. He felt her fingers dig into his shoulder and the other sink into his hair. She groaned more loudly as he pushed inside of her and he watched as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the door. Whatever it was she needed from this, she seemed to be getting.

He wished he could feel the same. His body reacted the way it should at having such interactions, but it just didn’t give him the same pleasure it had before. Normally it took an hour or so before he started to feel guilty, but it’s all he felt at the moment.

Coming here tonight, he had every intention on helping her escape. He would suffer the consequences on his own. The Dark Lord needed him, for the time being. His life would be spared, for the time being. He had put a lot of thought into his plans for her tonight. It pained him to give up his wand, but it was at least something he could do for everything he had put her through. 

Rather than finding a way to force her to go, he accepted her decision and was busy thrusting against her once again. He closed his eyes as he laid his head in the crook of her neck. He thought of Lily, something he did often during their ruts in his kitchen. It wasn’t Ackerly he was having his way with, it was Lily. It was her wedding day and she looked beautiful in her gown. He’d come to her and tried to get forgiveness. Instead, he got her love. They would make love and run off together. It helped to make it feel better for him.

As he finished, he kept himself close to her for a moment. Something he didn’t normally do. At this point, he would already be pulling free of her legs and fixing his pants. Instead, he kissed her neck softly and let himself enjoy the feeling of her hips shaking against him as he was still sunk inside of her. Severus wondered if this was the last time he would get to be with a woman in this manner. Realistically, he knew Lily would never be his. What had happened with Ackerly was a strange fluke. He saw her much the same way he saw himself. Someone who had been lonely for a long time. She just seemed to exist around everyone else, rather than with them. He couldn’t see a situation outside of Lily coming to him where he would find another girl like Ackerly. Even with no romantic feelings for her, it had been easy to be with her.

When he finally pulled away from her, he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. Not that he ever did. His fingers worked at his pants and belt as he fixed himself up, “...are you alright?” she didn’t respond and he looked up to see her straightening her dress out, “Ackerly…?”

“...f-fine…”

Her voice went against what she’d said, “Please reconsider. It’s not too late to leave,” but she just shook her head as she walked over to the vanity and sat down in front of it, “I won’t be able to help you if you go through with this.”

The silence made him wonder if she was going to change her mind and take his offer of help. It would help to relieve the intense sense of guilt he was feeling if she did. Sadly, she didn’t, “I under-understand…” she said softly as she stared at herself in the mirror.

Severus sighed softly before nodding, “Very well then,” part of him wanted to believe he’d done his best and to let go of his guilt. It wasn’t his fault if she was too stupid to run away when she had the chance. He didn’t see how the lives of her parents meant so much more than her own life. If in a similar situation, he wouldn’t give a second thought to the death of his father if it spared his own life. He had made the mistake of not letting her go on his own sooner and he had offered her freedom now and she refused it. Severus tried to tell himself that was all he could do as he left the room.

As he headed down the hallway, his intentions was to go back home. He had no desire to sit through a wedding ceremony or a reception. His involvement in social situations were restricted to ones he had no choice in. This hardly felt like something he had to attend. If Ackerly was going to let her life be ruined, he wasn’t going to waste his time watching it happen.

The further he got from her room, the easier he found it to let go of his guilt. It was easy to convince himself that he had done everything he could today. Sure, there were things he could have done before now, but he had done his best to make up for it. At least that was what he told himself. There were many things Severus Snape could delude himself into believing and this was one of them. So long as he never saw her again, he knew he could keep believing it.

What reason would there be to seeing her again? She wasn’t going to suddenly turn into a Death Eater. No. She would be Rosier's silent little wife. It wasn’t as if she would be the only one that way. Not everyone was Narcissa Malfoy. 

Perhaps it was best for him to just try to forget the situation entirely and move on. Was it cowardly to ignore the fact that he knew she was going into a dangerous situation? Maybe not cowardly, but there was a nagging voice in his head that told him there was more he could do. There were people he could go to and tell them where she was. Yet, somehow, that didn’t seem worthwhile at the moment. If she was willing to accept this, then that was on her.

Severus found it easy to blame her for it. He’d given her a choice and she had made her decision. This wasn’t his problem anymore. She wasn’t his problem anymore. He could go back to his house and be alone. As it should have been from the beginning.

It helped that the Dark Lord had spoken with him last night about receiving his Mark. He’d managed to earn their trust. He was going to be someone respected in their circle. For once in his life, he was going to be part of something bigger than himself. Something important. Why worry about a girl who didn’t want to take care of herself? There was no use in fretting over it. He’d taken her in to protect her at first and that was what he focused on. His care taking was over with and he had other things to focus on now.

Severus made a mental note to try to avoid reading the obituaries for the next year or so. Seeing her name in there would do him no good.


	13. Chapter 13

“Mrs. Lavender, you need to stop crying. You’re going to wake up Master Evan and he’ll be sore with you,” the little house elf pet her hair lightly and spoke softly as she sobbed into her hands. 

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Lavender had trouble stopping her tears, “Pi-pi-pip, he’s going-going to k-k-kill me…” she stammered as her hands moved from her cheeks down to her stomach.

“No, no, Mrs. Lavender. Master Evan wants a child. He’ll be happy about it.”

She shook her head, “No...no…” the mediwitch had come to see her while her husband was away earlier that day and confirmed her worst fear. Two weeks of illness turned out to be morning sickness. Lavender was two months pregnant, just two months into her marriage. It wasn’t that Rosier would be angry about having a pure-blood child, but he would be angry if he found out that the child might not be his. 

She had feared the night of their wedding that he might be able to tell she wasn’t a virgin or that she had even been with another man just hours earlier. Luckily, he had been too focused on teasing her and making her do things she considered to be rather repulsive to notice whether she had been a virgin or not. He had spent the reception either ignoring her for the guests or pouring glasses of wine down her throat. The only reason she accepted the drinks without a fight was because she knew it would help to numb her.

Rosier had told her that the small room she’d been staying in would be her room and he would come to her for his needs when he wanted to. She wouldn’t have to sleep in a bed with him nightly and she was just fine with that. Lavender wasn’t permitted to leave the grounds, not till he was sure she could be trusted. Her mother and father weren’t allowed to come visit her. Other than the little house elf, Pip, Lavender saw no one other than Rosier when he wanted her to see him.

He had yet to truly grow tired of her, but she knew he took other witches to his bed on occasion. Lavender didn’t mind this. His way of sex was much different from Snape’s. He was rough and he liked to talk and make her talk. He made her undress and stand in front of him while he told her what was wrong with her body and what he wanted her to change. He liked reminding her whenever she complained of it hurting that it didn’t hurt him and she needed to learn to enjoy it. Lavender did her best to try to put her mind somewhere else while it happened, but Rosier seemed to know that was her plan and found ways to keep her attention.

His favorite thing to do was to remind her that had she just let him have what he wanted in the first place, she wouldn’t be here now. When she started getting sick, he was angry with her. He showed his displeasure in several ways. The bruise on her cheek had finally faded the day before.

The mediwitch came and let her know of her condition. She stated that Lavender was about two months along. It wasn’t till the other witch left that she started wondering if the child belonged to Rosier. Two months was an estimate. If it was more than two months, then the child was most certainly not Rosier’s. If it was just under two months, then it was certainly Rosier’s. Lavender wasn’t sure at first which she would prefer. Then she remembered how different her husband was from Snape. There was no way a child could come out and not look like one of them.

“A good pure-blood son. That’s what Master Evan would want. He’ll be happy,” the elf tried to reassure her, “You must tell him, Mrs. Lavender.”

“I...I...I kn-know,” it was only a matter of time before it would be impossible to hide.

“I’ll go get Master Evan. He be less angry at me waking him than you,” it was sad, but he was kinder to the elf than he was to her. The elf got yelled at and a shoe thrown at it on occasion, but he never beat it or made it punish itself.

“No!” she grabbed for the elf as it started to walk away. Lavender wasn’t ready to tell her husband, “I w-will do it…” she said softly as she forced herself up off the bed.

Lavender was terrified. Rosier didn’t like being woken up in the middle of the night. She wasn’t about to go confess that there was a chance that the child wasn’t his. She would admit to the pregnancy. Perhaps, when the child was born, if it was obviously not his, she could convince him to give the child to her parents before he punished her. Lavender was sure the punishment would end in death. But at least she could spare the baby. Pip was right, he would be happy to be having a child. Even the Malfoy’s had yet to have a child and they had been married more than a year. 

Slowly, she made her way down the stoney, cold hallway to the larger bedroom door at the end. This was his family home, but she had yet to actually meet his family. She was sure they were at the wedding, but she had spent most of that lost in a daze and sitting quietly at a table. It wasn’t as if people were coming up to her and introducing themselves and congratulating her. Their wedding had been for Rosier’s ego, not for her happiness.

Standing outside the door, she had to build up her courage to go in. The room scared her. It was where they spent their wedding night. Rosier didn’t like her coming in there, though he did bring other, more attractive, witches to his personal bedroom. He didn’t deem his own wife good enough for his bed.

With a deep breath, she pushed the door open and slipped inside. It was large and dark. The bed was much too large for one, or even two, people. While most who had been in Slytherin tended to decorate in dark greens, Rosier liked his blood reds. Even in the dark, she could see the thick, heavy, red blanket that covered his bed. 

“E-e-evan?” she called out softly, staying near the door. He didn’t move, but she could see the lump in the bed where he was. It wasn’t the only lump. There was someone else with him. Whatever little witch he was entertaining himself with while she was ill, “E-Evan?” she said a little louder and she heard an irritated groan as the bodies under the blanket moved a little. 

“What the bloody hell are you doing in here?” she heard him growl and she was tempted to apologize and just leave.

“I s-saw the mediw-witch today-today.”

He sat up and stretched a little, his bedmate turned away and curled up in the blanket more, “What have I told you? If you can’t speak without stuttering like a moron, then I don’t want you speaking at all.”

Lavender nodded lightly. She had tried hard her whole life to stop the stuttering. Her mother had put a charm on her once that made it stop for a little bit, but it only lasted for a short time. In the long run, it was something she had just accepted that it was her life to stutter like that. The first time Rosier had told her that he didn’t want her stuttering, she hadn’t truly believed him. When she did stutter, he had backhanded her hard enough to throw her to the floor. After that, she didn’t speak to him or Pip for two weeks for fear that the elf would tell him if she stuttered. Lavender made it a point to speak as little as possible.

“I...know…” it took a lot of work and it slowed her speech to talk without a stutter. It made her have to focus harder on her words. If she felt herself starting to stammer, she would stop and wait till her tongue untied itself before trying again.

“What was so important that you just had to wake me up? I swear, if you caught something and you gave it to me…” he stood and she twitched and pressed herself back against the door as he grabbed his wand from the nightstand. He had used curses on her before and she wondered now what sort of consequences that would have on her child.

Lavender shook her head and hung it lightly, “I...am...not...sick…”

He moved closer, his red hair catching the little bit of light that came in from the crack in the door. He slammed his hand into the door behind her head and she jumped a little, “Then what the bloody hell is your problem?!” he didn’t like being woken up at night. Most nights he spent doing whatever it was those in his group did, so when he got a night that he got to sleep through it, he liked his sleep. 

“I...I…” she closed her eyes tight and tried to relax her tongue to keep from upsetting him more, “...I’m…”

“Merlin’s bloody beard! Spit it out!” he snapped.

“I’m pregnant!” she finally shouted before sinking to the floor and pulling her knees up to her chest and burying her head against them. Lavender half expected him to drag her up by her hair and throw her out or hex her.

Instead, there was several long minutes of uncomfortable silence before he knelt down in front of her, “Pregnant?” she nodded slowly before pulling her knees as close as possible to ball herself up, “Pregnant…” he said it again and she wasn’t sure what else she could do or say to respond.

He stood up quick and she shoved herself back against the door for fear of whatever he might do. But nothing happened to her. He waved his wand and the candles in the room lit up. She watched as he rushed over to the bed and yanked the blanket back. He shot a stinging hex at the witch laying in the bed and she screamed, “Get out! Get out of my bed!” he snapped as the poor girl went tumbling out of the sheets. She looked worse for wear. Her wrists were red and her hair was a tangled mess. No doubt he gave her similar treatments to what she had been through herself.

The blond haired witch scrambled through the room, grabbing her clothing as Rosier hexed her again till she scooted out the door. Lavender stayed sitting on the floor, scared that the next hex would be in her direction.

It didn’t happen though. The red haired wizard surprised her by coming over and taking her hand, “Come on, let’s get you to bed, Mouse,” he never called her by her name. She was always ‘mouse’ or ‘idiot’ or ‘moron’. She stared at him, unspeaking, as he helped her up to her feet and lead her towards the bed, “There we go. All comfortable in bed,” he pulled the thick blanket up and tucked it against her waist as she lead back against the pillows, “Oh, don’t look at me like that, Mouse. I can’t very well send the mother of my child back to that horrid, little bed; now can I? No. You’ll stay right here next to me. Where I can watch you.”

Lavender wasn’t sure what scared her more. The fact that he wanted her close by or the sudden change in his mood, “I...I…” she couldn’t help the stammering, but it didn’t seem to anger him this time.

He picked up one of her thin hands and kissed the back of her fingers, “A baby and in only two months” he seemed pleased with himself, “It took mother and father years to conceive me. I hate to admit it, but we’re family and I don’t think you’ll be telling anyone, but Rosier’s have trouble conceiving. I knew you were something special, Mouse,” his cheshire cat smile still sent shivers down her spine, “You know, Malfoy still hasn’t been able to give his wife a child. They’ve been married over a year. This is such wonderful news. How far along are you? Did the mediwitch know?”

She nodded lightly, “T-t-two months,” the news seemed to quell his anger at her stuttering for the time being.

If possible, his grin widened, “During our honeymoon, if not the first night,” not that it had been much of a honeymoon. He spent his nights drinking and celebrating, while she sat in her little room waiting to see if he would come to violate her that night or not, “This really is wonderful.”

“You-you’re ha-happy then?”

“Oh yes. Very much so. You know, little Mouse, I was starting to get bored with you. I just couldn’t see what sort of use I had for you anymore,” which terrified her. Snape had told her that Rosier was going to kill her one day, “But now, now you’re going to be the mother of my child. What better use for a little mouse than to mother my children?” he leaned over and kissed her softly.


	14. Chapter 14

Severus moved up the ranks of the Death Eaters fairly quickly. His talents were not ignored. Without the distraction of Ackerly, he sank himself into his work. With Ackerly gone, he would forget to eat and he soon forgot the way it felt to have her on the counter. After a few months, it was as if she had never been here and never been a part of his life. It was easy to forget what he was doing this for and just do it. Weeks would go by without him seeing a single other person or even speaking to another person. It was common for him to just hole up in his potion lab and work for days on end. Orders would come in by owl at random times of the day. He would complete the order and send it off. That was his day to day life for the most part.

It was at least six months since he last saw Ackerly the day of her wedding. He’d been called to Malfoy Manor for another one of their ‘celebrations’. He had managed to avoid these functions by claiming need to work on a potion, but that excuse seemed no longer acceptable.

The plan was to spend as little time with the others as possible. Despite his passion for the Dark Arts, Severus was not like the others and he knew it. There was always something that disconnected him from them. Perhaps it was the fact that the majority of them seemed to know they were above him when it came to status. They had long, well known, family trees. No one knew the family Snape. He worked hard to keep it that way. All he had to do was make an appearance and then hideout in his room till meal time. A few days of that and he would be free to leave, even if the others stayed.

The first night went by without any issue.

The second night started out the same. He stood quietly in the corner of the dungeon like room. Nursing a glass of firewhiskey in his thin fingers. Only speaking when someone spoke to him. Soon, he would slip away up the stairs and spend the rest of the night in the small guest room, as he’d done the night before.

But a flash of red caught his eye in the sea of black dresses, robes, and suits. It was Rosier’s hair.

The sadistic wizard walked past Snape without a glance, heading towards one of the chairs. Beside him was Ackerly and a small house elf. It wasn’t common for a house elf to be down here unless it was serving drinks, but this one appeared to be an aid of some sort.

His eyes widened a little as Ackerly turned a bit and he got a better look at her. She was still dressed much the same as she always had been. A knee length, black dress with thick black tights and simple black shoes. Her hair was a little shorter, but still limp and mousy. There were heavy, dark bags under her eyes. She looked very tired. Her cheeks were a little sunken and while she usually was rather pale, she looked almost sickly pale now. She certainly didn’t have the _glow_ that was associated with women in her condition.

Her thin fingers rested on the bulge just under her bust, which was larger than he remembered. The protrusion of her abdomen was rather disproportionate with the rest of her. It was as if she had lost weight everywhere, only for it to end up in her stomach. The weight of it seemed to pain her, as did the fact that her shoes seemed tight around her ankles due to swelling. 

The sight of her pregnant stomach was, for some reason, offputting and upsetting. Though he realized it was probably the best thing for her. Rosier wouldn’t kill her while she was carrying his child. Even after it was born, Rosier wouldn’t let the child be motherless. Mostly because he couldn’t see Rosier wanting to raise a child by himself or letting his pure blood child be raised by a house elf. This ensured that she would live, at least till the child was old enough to care for itself or was sent off to school. Though if the bruise on her cheek and the one on her wrist said anything, it would still be a difficult life. He wasn’t entirely surprised that Rosier hadn’t bothered to cover up the damage he caused to his wife. It was sickening.

After a moment, Rosier motioned for her to sit in the chair and she obeyed without hesitation. The house elf stood just behind the chair, peeking over at her every now and then. He realized the house elf was acting as her nursemaid.

Against his better judgement, Severus actually took a step towards her, but he was halted by Malfoy. The blond haired man came up beside him and spoke, “Tch...look at her,” as far as he knew, Malfoy was childless, even though he had been married longer than Rosier. Severus did his best to stay out of the loop when it came to these things, but they always managed to drag him in, “My house elf saw a man coming out of her wedding room fixing his shirt into his pants,” at which Severus’ did his best to not let his eyes go wide, “Everyone knows the Rosiers are practically infertile. His own parents were nearly in their grave before they could have him. He’s going to be raising some half-wit’s child.”

Severus could have choked on his firewhiskey. For a moment, he wondered if Lucius knew that it was him who had been in Ackerly’s room. Then he remembered that gossip was a pastime for these people. It didn’t matter who was in her room, it just mattered that someone had been in there and she was suddenly pregnant. Even if they did know it was him, they wouldn’t say anything to Rosier. It was more fun for them if he didn’t know.

“You know, I never took Ackerly for a whore. It’s really quite surprising.”

His attention was brought back and he narrowed his eyes a little at the blond wizard, but he didn’t try to defend her. Instead, he excused himself and started to make his way over to the witch. He only stopped once he was a few feet away from her and stared for a moment. Ackerly looked like she was about to fall asleep. Her hands resting over the swollen belly. The house elf was standing at the side of the chair, fussing over trying to get Ackerly to put her feet up. While it seemed most doubted the child belonged to Rosier, they would accept and treat it as if it were his pure blood spawn.

Severus was terrified to find out the truth. Was there a chance that it could be his child? 

He felt his stomach sink a little. The idea of having a child was...well...it was disgusting. Even if he had managed to gain Lily’s love and affection, he had only want it to be just them. No children. Just them. Together. The thought of passing on his family blood was upsetting at best.

Severus could have ignored his feelings about this and just left. She wasn’t his problem anymore. She had made her choice to stay when he had offered her an out. This was her own issue to deal with. Even if the child belonged to him, what difference would that make? None. If Rosier ever found out, he wouldn’t put it past the red haired wizard to smother the baby and then hex Ackerly to death. It would be better for her to never say it out loud that the child wasn’t his. Once it was out, there was the risk of Rosier finding out.

Though try as he might, he was unable to make himself turn around and walk away.

Instead, he started to walk forward again. The house elf perked up and rushed to meet him before he got too close, “Master Evan said no one is allowed by Mrs. Lavender. Go away,” it was a bold thing to say for a house elf. Telling a wizard to ‘go away’, but he knew the pitiful thing was under orders. Even if Severus kicked it, it would be compelled to continue to tell him off. Depending on the elf’s orders, it might even attempt to attack him. It was a high crime for a house elf to attack a wizard or witch, but Severus was sure this one would attack him if it got the chance. He didn’t put it past Rosier to give his elf that sort of permission, even if it would mean death for the elf to do it. Not that Severus would get away from it unscathed House elves were surprisingly powerful.

“Out of my way,” he growled.

Of course, loyal to it’s family, the little elf stayed put, “Master Evan said no one…”

“I heard you the first time,” he growled again.

“P-P-Pip…” Ackerly had sat up in her chair a bit and called for the elf.

It ran back to her, obediently. That child probably meant more to Rosier than anything else, “Yes, Mrs. Lavender.”

“I’m...I’m th-th-thirsty.”

The little elf looked back at Severus and shook her floppy eared head, “Master Evan said…”

“P-Pip, I’m th-thirsty. He would-would be more upset if th-the baby-baby was thirsty,” her stammering was still bad, but she seemed to get through more words than she did before. Severus wondered if Rosier had something to do with that.

The house elf seemed to be conflicted. It wasn’t supposed to let anyone near Ackerly, but it was supposed to do everything for the baby. Either way, it was likely to receive punishment, “...I’ll get Mrs. Lavender water…” it decided that not upsetting the baby was more important in the long run and disappeared. He knew it would be back in a moment.

“Ackerly,” he said smoothly as he closed the distance between them.

“...Wh-what do you want, S-S-Snape?”

“I was just wondering,” he couldn’t come right out and say it, so he went around it, “how far along you are.”

She wouldn’t look up at him. She just kept her eyes on her hands over her stomach. Ackerly looked broken down and beaten. He tried to avoid any feelings he had about that. He reminded himself that he had tried to help her, “Four months,” it was said without hesitation or stuttering. It was an answered she had practiced. Was that what she told Rosier or was that the answer she told to the gossip hounds to quell them.

“I see…” the wedding had been six months ago, or close to that. There was no point in questioning her honesty. He wasn’t interested in knowing the truth. He just wanted justification to ease his mind. If she said she was four months, then so be it. The child was Rosier’s and he would have no reason to think otherwise. For all he knew, it was the truth. Just because there was a history of infertility didn’t mean it would affect him as well. Rosier could have been taking fertility potions or doing other things to enhance the chances of a child. It wasn’t Severus’ place to ask or know, “Congratulations.”

That was the last thing he cold say. The house elf reappeared with a glass of water and he took a step back as it hissed at him, “Go away. Master Evan said no one allowed near Mrs. Lavender.”

He was happy to oblige this time. With a final glance to the mousy witch, he took his leave of the dungeon basement.


	15. Chapter 15

While the idea of pregnancy had never been in the forefront of her mind, Lavender had this strange idea that it would be simpler. It wasn’t as if she had been exposed to many pregnant women and it wasn’t as if it was discussed in school or between her and her mother. Pregnancy was natural, so she had this idea that it would be easier and less stressful. 

It was anything but easy and stressless.

She spent most of her days in complete isolation. Even the House Elf, Pip, wasn’t around often. She had other duties to attend to and only came when Lavender called for her. They weren’t friends or companions. Evan liked her to stay in his bed and not do anything to risk the baby. For him, the baby was the most important thing right now. If he wasn’t with her, he didn’t want her out of the bed. Lavender spent much of her time sleeping, as there was little else to do. As her belly grew, she found herself more and more without energy and the idea of sleeping all day was very appealing. The few times she did see the Pip, it was mostly the elf reminding her that Evan would be very upset if she didn’t eat. So she forced herself to eat most days.

The only other person she saw, beside her husband and the house elf, was the medi-witch who came by once a month to check on her progress. She said that Lavender was in poor health and possibly depressed, but the baby seemed to be doing well. That’s all Evan needed to hear. He had no reason to change things so long as the way it was now was suitable for the baby. 

It didn’t help matters that Evan had developed a strange liking for her pregnant body. He liked how it had firmed and filled out her breasts a bit. When he had his way with her, he was a little more gentle than before and didn’t put her into the same strange positions he had before, but he would obsessively run his fingers over her belly as he took her. Lavender would have complained about how much it hurt to be with him. How her breasts hurt, her hips ached, and how sensitive she felt; but she knew it was useless. Evan would have what Evan wanted.

Lavender spent a lot of time thinking about Snape. She feared for her own life and the life of her baby sometimes. What if it was Snape’s? What if Evan was expecting her to have a red-headed boy to name after himself? If the baby came out with Snape’s black hair and crooked nose, what would he do? She had often heard him talk about how it was better to smother a Mudblood baby than to let it grow up. Or how Squib’s should be tossed off cliffs in mercy to the sad lives they would live. How would he react if he found out that the baby wasn’t his? What would he do to her and the baby?

It was hard not to imagine what her life would be like right now if Evan hadn’t come to take her from Snape. Would they have had sex the same day that her wedding had been on and she ended up pregnant still? If so, would he have offered to marry her and raise the baby? Snape had never seemed the parental type, but then again, neither did Evan. Having seen Snape at the gathering had set her mind to thinking about it again for the past few months. Even if the amount of love was as little as she had with her current husband, she felt that Snape would at least be a gentle husband.

The blond haired witch was snapped from her thoughts as the bedroom door opened. Evan came through and she shuddered a little at the sight of him. There was blood on his white shirt. She didn’t want to think who it belonged to or why it was on him. He smiled at her as he walked towards the bed and started unbuttoning his shirt. If it wasn’t for his personality, Evan Rosier would have been a rather handsome man. His body was well defined and strong. He liked looking good.

He discarded the soiled shirt as he climbed onto the bed next to her. She sat quietly, staring down at the bump in the blankets were her feet were. He got close and started brushing the hair back from her face before leaning into kiss at her neck. It made her shiver and she did her best to just not think about it. Lavender had learned if she just let him do what he wanted, it went fairly quickly and resulted in little to no marks. He bit into her neck and she winced at the feeling. Evan liked to bite.

One of his hands slid under the blanket and slid over her stomach. The baby inside of her squirmed a little and she gasped lightly at the feeling. Sometimes the baby moved so hard that it hurt. The medi-witch told her that it was a boy, which had elated Evan to no end. He was a lively baby. So much so that the slightest touch to her stomach would set him kicking. 

“How’s my MaMa Mouse doing?” he asked as he moved his hand away from her stomach and down towards her thighs.

Lavender wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to touch her like that. She didn’t like it. But she knew he already knew that. He didn’t do it for her. It was for him. He said she was easier to manage if her body was already warmed up. Before the baby, he did it just to make her squirm and look uncomfortable, because it amused him. He also didn’t mind to have his way with her without warming her up, but that was also before the baby. Right now, she was important to him and he pretended to take care for her comfort, even if it was still for him.

“F-fine,” she said softly. Short, one word answers were what he preferred. His initial excitement over the baby and letting her slip on her stuttering had faded. It was best to speak as little as possible. 

“That’s nice,” he didn’t tease her the way he usually did with his hands. Instead, he just stroked them along her thigh as he talked, “I heard something very interesting today. Would you like to hear?”

Lavender knew this wasn’t good. Evan only talked to her like that if he had something bad to say and she was in trouble for it. It was hard to believe that she could do anything to get on his nerves when she spent nearly every minute of the day sleeping, but he still found things to be irritated about, “Y-yes…” she said softly.

“I heard that you were telling some people at the last gathering that you were only four months pregnant, instead of six. Now why would my little mouse do that?” he nuzzled into her neck as she tensed. 

She felt her face getting hot and her mind started racing. The only one she had said anything to that night was Snape. Had Snape said something to him? She had her doubts on that. It wasn’t as if the two of them were friends. Maybe someone had overheard them talking. Evan had not been shy about telling people as soon as possible that she was pregnant, so most had known for some time. That had been almost two months ago. Lavender didn’t understand why someone would tell him now, “I...I…” she swallowed hard, trying to calm herself to keep from stuttering too hard, “I was c-c-confused,” she said slowly.

“Oh really now? And how is that something you can get confused over?” his fingers gripped onto her thigh and she tensed at the feeling. His fingernails biting into her skin, causing her to gasp a little. Her heart was racing and she felt suddenly light headed. It didn’t help that she hadn’t been feeling well all day, “I know you’re an idiot, but even you’re not that much of a dullard.”

Lavender tried to focus on her words, but it was hard. All she could think about was how much her stomach felt like it was cramping. It was tighter and harder than a cramp though, “I just...I just…” she wanted to give an excuse, a plausible one, but her all day illness was just feeling worse and worse as the time ticked on. The baby kicked and it felt like it was kicking up into her ribcage. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt tears leaking out the corners.

“The bloody hell is wrong with you?” Evan demanded, but she couldn’t answer. His fingers released their tight grip on her thigh, but she barely even felt that anymore. She gasped again as it felt like she’d just relieved herself. The bedding was soaked and she started crying more. Lavender didn’t understand what was happening, “Son of a bitch!” her husband snapped as he shot back from her, “Pip!”

The little house elf appeared with a soft popping sound that was only covered up by the sound of Lavender starting to sob, “Yes, Master Evan?”

“Get the medi-witch! Now!” the elf disappeared as fast as she’d shown up. Rather than showing any compassion or empathy towards whatever Lavender was going through, he leaned over and growled into her ear, “If anything happens to my child, I’ll make you regret,” Lavender had no issue believing that, “And if I ever find out that it’s not mine, you’ll wish you’d died out in those woods where Snape found you,” nor an issue believing that either. Sometimes, she already wished that.

Words didn’t matter anymore. All she could focus on was the pain. It hurt so much and she didn’t understand why. She wished school had some kind of class about childbirth or things like that. No one had ever talked to them about sex and children. Most just stumbled into it on their own and went from there. It was only after finding out she was pregnant that she learned there were potions that could have prevented it and even muggle items that could have stopped it from happening too. It seemed poor of no one to care to talk to them about their bodies. Surely they expected the parents to do that, but as far as she could gather, that was fairly uncommon too.

The medi-witch turned up and attempt to shoo Evan out of the room, but he refused. He said it was his child and he was going to see it born. It wasn’t said with pride in being a father, but more with the same sick fascination he had with making her uncomfortable sexually, “Try to steady your breathing, Lavender. You’re in labor,” the other witch said as she started stripping the bed around her, “It’s early, but I suppose there’s nothing to be done about that. Stress induced labor…” her eyes narrowed at Evan.

He just glared back, “Do your job.”

The witch could have got into a fight with him, but she went back to Lavender instead. The blond witch was breathing heavy and groaning in pain, “You’re bleeding a lot…”

“If it comes down to her or the baby, save the baby,” Evan said coldly, “She doesn’t matter,” she knew she was replaceable and was sure he intended on replacing her some day.

The medi-witch attempted to tune him out and focus on her work, “I know it’s hard, Lavender, but I need you to keep calm. I’m going to give you something for the pain, alright?” but before she could grab for her bag, Evan grabbed her wrist, “What…?”

“She can handle it. Isn’t that right, Mouse?” 

Lavender knew better than to say no. She knew better than to say anything at all. The discussion of pain controlling potions had already been resolved weeks ago. Evan said he wanted her to go without it. It wasn’t really a discussion. Rather an order. Lavender wasn’t sure why she thought it wouldn’t be too difficult, but now that it was happening, she was considering ignoring the consequences and telling the medi-witch to just give it to her. But his icy glare helped push those thoughts aside and she nodded fast, “I...can...h-h-handle...it…” she got out between breaths.

“...Very well,” the other witch yanked her arm free of Evan’s grip and went back to tending to Lavender.

Even without instruction, she seemed to naturally know what she needed to do. Lavender attempted to roll onto her stomach and push up onto her hands and knees. She didn’t know why, but that seemed like the right thing to do. The medi-witch tried to stop her, but feeling the relief in pain it ge her, she was unwilling to stop and go back to laying on her back, “Lavender, I need you to lay down,” the woman tried to sound calm, but she was obviously irritated with the whole situation.

Lavender shook her head hard as she buried her face in the pillow. This position felt better and she was determined to stay in it. Be damned with her modesty at this point. It wasn’t as if Evan hadn’t put her in this position more than once, “Lavender, you can’t give birth like this,” the witch tried to grab her, but Evan stopped her.

“She’s staying like this,” it made her a little sick that Evan might be enjoying this. Knowing she was in pain and seeing her acting like an animal. It didn’t matter though. Evan’s sick fantasies could be dealt with later. Right now, she just wanted to get the thing inside of her out. Part of her wondered if it was Evan’s child. It seemed to be causing her a lot of pain and distress, much like he did. Could a child be sadistic? Lavender didn’t want to think so.

“I can’t deliver a child this way!”

“Figure it out!” he snapped.

Them fighting behind her didn’t matter. She just breathed heavy into the pillow and started bearing down. Her body tensed as she started pushing without instruction. It felt natural to do. She heard the medi-witch, vaguely, telling her to stop, but she ignored it. Lavender was ready for the pain to stop and the more she pushed, the less painful it felt. Even her husband was yelling something at her, but her own screams drowned it out. She felt his hand around her throat, he was trying to pull her head up, but she just gasped loudly as a moment of searing pain waved over her body…

Then it was over.

It was like a pressure was being taken off her body and she collapsed onto the bed, gasping for air. Her body felt numb and she couldn’t stop shivering. Evan’s hand slipped away from her neck and shoulder. The room was silent. Lavender didn’t even think to be concerned that there was no crying. She just felt light headed and sick.

The medi-witch finally spoke, “Give me the baby,” there was movement on the bed, but she couldn’t find the energy to lift her head to look.

“Is...is the...b-b-baby okay?” her voice sounded soft, even to herself. Neither of them answered her, but after a moment, she heard a loud cry and she felt the tightness in her chest relax. That was her baby. It was crying. That seemed like an important thing. It meant the baby was alive. She hadn’t hurt it.

“You told us it was a boy,” she heard Evan’s voice. It sounded angry.

“I told you that there was a good chance it was a boy. We’re better at judging these things than we used to be, but we can still be wrong. You have a little girl and she’s in good health,” the crying softened a little, “Hold her so I can tend to Lavender.”

Evan gave some kind of disappointed huff, but Lavender felt the other witch helping to roll her onto her back. Lavender groaned in pain and her vision was fuzzy, “You’re going to be okay, Lavender. You put a lot of stress on your body, but nothing I can’t fix. You have a beautiful baby girl. She has a head full of black hair.”

Black hair? Lavender couldn’t bring herself to worry about that right now. Especially as Evan climbed onto the bed next to her and held the baby close to her. She could see it’s sallow skin and puffs of black hair. It’s little eyes were closed tight and she was already sucking on a bit of the blanket the medi-witch had wrapped her in. The baby didn’t look like what she saw on the streets when people had their children. A newborn was a strange looking thing. Still, she felt her heart skip a beat when she looked at it’s little squished up face. 

The medi-witch moved to get clean sheets and clothing as Evan leaned in close to her, “If I ever decide I don’t believe this is mine, I’ll smother it,” her stomach dropped and she nearly threw up, but managed to choke back the bile as he handed the baby over to her, “She better have my eyes,” he growled before moving away and leaving her with the baby.

The medi-witch came back and seemed surprised to see Evan gone and having left her, who was barely able to keep her own head up off the pillow, with the baby, “Is there a cradle anywhere?”

“Pip…” she called out weakly and the house elf appeared.

The other witch seemed to understand and carefully took the baby from her arms and handed it over to the house elf, “Do you know how to feed a baby?” the elf nodded, “Good. We’ll call you when Lavender is cleaned up.”

Rather than disappearing as house elves usually did, Pip walked instead towards the door and Lavender couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain in her chest at watching. She wanted to keep holding her baby. But the witch was right, she was in no condition to be holding a baby right now.

Once they were out of the room, she felt her body go limp against the pillows as the medi-witch went to work. She let herself be moved about and cleaned up. When it was over with, she was made to drink something warm and felt herself drifting off to sleep. Lavender would have preferred to not sleep yet, but she knew she would be in better condition when she woke up.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been nearly a year since he graduated from Hogwarts. Life had changed so much and stayed the same in so many ways. He’d rose up in the ranks of Death Eaters fast and was nearly as trusted as Malfoy was. He was tasked with working on a rather dangerous potion. One that, if it worked, would cause the death of many people in mass. There were times he was hesitant to work on it, but then he remembered that he had nothing else to work for in life. What did the lives of people he didn’t know matter?

Despite his ranking, Severus continued living a solitary life. He didn’t partake in same activities as some of the Death Eaters he’d gone to school with. Avery, Mulciber, and Rosier were fond of destruction and what they called ‘playing’. It wasn’t uncommon for some poor muggleborn to be dragged off for their ‘playing’, only to never return. Severus avoided these situations. He had no desire or stomach for it. It was because of this that the Dark Lord had started sending him out on spying missions. It wasn’t enough to work on his potions, he had a knack for getting information.

He hadn’t thought much about Lavender since seeing her several months ago at Malfoy’s mansion. It was easy to put her out of his thoughts. She didn’t want his help and he was willing to forget her. She only entered his thoughts today because of the birth announcement in the newspaper, “Evelyn Rosier, born April 17th, 1979. Daughter of Evan Rosier Jr…” no mention of the mother. That didn’t surprise him. Nor did the name. It was likely Rosier thought he was going to have a son to name after himself and when it turned out to be a girl, he simply chose a similar feminine name.

Severus mentally counted the months. They had graduated in May and she had spent nearly three months with him. She claimed to have only been four months pregnant two months ago, but he’d already assumed that to be a lie. Based on the picture of Rosier and the child, the baby had been close to full term. She was likely closer to six or seven months when he last saw her. It made his stomach feel tight. Even more as the black and white picture made it impossible to get a sense of her features.

Crumpling the paper up, he threw it across the room and slumped back in his chair. It didn’t pain him the way seeing Lily’s wedding announcement had, but it made him feel more ‘awkward’ than anything else. He wondered how long it would be before he saw a birth announcement for the Potters. Perhaps it was time to stop getting the newspaper.

As the day went on, he tried his best to forget about both Lily and Lavender, but it was hard. He ended up opening a bottle of FireWhiskey to help. It was fairly common these days for him to drink a bottle a day. His father had drank and he’d always told himself he would never do that, but he saw the positive in it. It helped lull him to sleep and forget things.

He’d nearly finished off the bottle by the time it was dark out and he was considering laying out on the couch to sleep when there was a knock on the door. It was still rare for people to come to his home. Most Death Eaters were from well off families and didn’t like being seen in a place like Spinner’s End. The last time someone had come here, it was to take Lavender away.

Stumbling a little, he headed for the door and pulled it open slowly. He was surprised to see not only Malfoy standing on the stoop, but a hooded figure as well, “My...My Lord,” he moved quickly from the doorway and allowed them in.

“You’ve been drinking again, Severus,” the hooded man commented as he stood in the center of the room.

It was sobering to have the Dark Lord in his home, but not enough apparently to go unnoticed that he’d been drinking, “I wasn’t…” he couldn’t say he’d been drinking to forget about a woman, “I wasn’t expecting…” his words were slow and a little slurred, but he tried his best to piece them together, “I wasn’t expecting company…”

“Nor should you,” Malfoy commented with a slight sneer as he glanced around the room.

He was too fuzzy headed to make any comments back about how company was unwelcomed. Severus didn’t like people seeing his home. It reflected him in all the worst possible ways. Everyone knew he’d been poor and didn’t take care of himself. They didn’t need to see proof of it. They didn’t need to see the layers of dust on his dishes because he went so long between eating and couldn’t cook. They didn’t need to see the dozens of cobwebs and know he sometimes forgot what day it was and wore the same thing for several days on end. It was better they just stay away.

The Dark Lord ran a long, thin finger along one of his bookshelves, collecting a small mass of dust, “I hope you don’t brew your potions in this condition.”

“No, my Lord,” he was sobering up more and more. Severus was a perfectionist in his potions work. While it was grim and a little grimy, his potions lab in the basement was the best that he could afford. He forewent food and basic needs for good potions supplies. The only exception lately was FireWhiskey.

“It seems allowing Miss. Ackerly...ahem...Mrs. Rosier to leave your service has had an ill effect on you. Perhaps we should find you a new assistant.”

He had to keep his sentences short. The longer he went on, the more he would slur and become difficult to understand, “No, my Lord. I’m fine.”

The cold eyes looked him over from under the hood and he had to fight to keep from shivering, “Very well then.”

The two other wizards circled his small living room and he felt as if he needed to sleep, but instead held himself up against a chair. He was shaking a little. Not out of fear, but due to too much alcohol and not enough food, “The potions...are coming along, my Lord,” they hadn’t stated their reason for being here and the unknowing was nerve wracking.

“I’m sure they are, Severus. I’m here tonight because I need you to do something for me, Severus.”

“Anything, my Lord,” what was the point in not accepting? He had nothing to live for.

“I need you to follow someone,” not uncommon. He had done such things before with success. It was not difficult to situate himself somewhere to see or hear what he needed to.

“Whom and for how long, my Lord?” the potion he was creating was important and demanded a great deal of his attention if it was ever going to get finished and be effective.

“For as long as I say,” which was surprising. There was usually a specific timeframe, “It will be difficult during the school months, but do the best you can during that time.”

Severus was as sober as possible at this point and watching the hooded wizard curiously, “Who is the subject, my Lord?”

“Dumbledore.”

The room went silent for several long minutes. The potions master was unsure he had heard correctly, but it sank in that he had, “D-Dumbledore, my Lord? Do you really think…”

“Are you questioning me, Severus? Or are you admitting your inability so soon?”

Neither answer was a good one for him, “I can do it, my Lord,” he said quickly, “Is there something I should be listening or watching for specifically?”

“You’ll know it when you hear it,” which told Severus that the Dark Lord had nothing in mind. Just that he felt Dumbledore warranted closer watching, “Do you understand?”

“Yes, my Lord,” he nodded quick, almost causing him to fall to the floor.

“Very good then. Sleep off your whiskey, Severus,” the hooded wizard commented as he and Malfoy started for the door.

The minute the door shut, Severus felt his legs give out and he crumpled to the floor. His vision was fuzzy and swimming with little dots of light. His head was light and cloudy. His body was shaking and cold. He couldn’t even begin to think of how he was going to get close enough to someone like Dumbledore to learn anything of interest.

Hot bile rose in his throat and before he could choke it back, it was all over the wooden floor in front of him. He coughed as it gagged it’s way out of his body. Severus hadn’t thrown up in a long time. It was painful and made his eyes tear up. It hurt to throw up when the only thing in his body was whiskey. It felt like boiling water rushing through his throat as it came up and onto the floor.

Wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, he slowly climbed to his feet, only to collapse on the threadbare couch and slip into unconsciousness.


	17. Chapter 17

They were prisoners of Evan Rosier. Legal prisoners. She as his wife and her child as his daughter. Evan was very strict about when they were allowed to leave the cold, dark, dreary estate. Even just going outside to move around the property was forbidden. Evan liked them to stay inside. Where he could treat them like little dolls to play with. His parents had died shortly after their marriage, leaving everything to their only son. He even took to sending off the house elf for long periods of time. Leaving them completely alone and incapable leaving even if they wanted to. The magic on the mansion kept them from being able to leave. Not that she could attempt it if she wanted to without a wand.

The Rosiers weren’t a family known for intelligence. Evan was a skilled duelist and skilled in curses and hexes; but he wasn’t the most intelligent of men. Like many wizarding families, including parts of her own, there was a great deal of inbreeding with second and third cousins. Evan’s mother and father had been second cousins. Her own mother and father were related through some removed uncle a generation or two back. It was difficult to imagine that the more heavily ‘pure’ families didn’t have intelligence issues. Not caring much for learning, the Rosier mansion lacked books. There were a handful, but nothing more than that. It was mostly just a place filled with unmoving portraits and empty rooms.

This left Lavender with little to entertain their daughter with. They spent much of their time in her small bedroom looking out the little window. Lavender would tell her stories that she could remember, mostly repeating the same ones time and time again. The little girl learned to walk and wanted to run around the mansion, but she knew better than to let that happen. If Evelyn broke something, they would both pay dearly for it. So they sat in her nursery room quietly day after day. 

It was rainy out today and little two year old Evelyn was sitting in the window watching the rain come down. She was a quiet girl, much like her mother. Lavender and she didn’t have to speak to understand each other. She hummed softly as she held up the only real toy she had, a little doll that Pip had made for her. It didn’t have facial features or hair or even clothing. It was just a bare doll, but Evelyn loved it. Her pitch black hair ran down her back in a single braid. Her skin was still sallow, despite Lavender having done everything the medi-witch said about keeping her in sunlight several times a day as an infant. Her nose was a little larger than an average toddler and a little crooked. She had her mother’s eyes though. Her simple, dull eyes.

There didn’t appear to be an ounce of Evan in her. A fact that Evan only sneered at, but did not comment on. It was likely their household imprisonment had to do with Evan not wanting people to see just how un-Rosier his child was.

Lavender had hoped that as time went on, that his interest in her would wane, but he not only cut them off from leaving, but he no longer brought home random witches to bed. Making sure they had no contact with anyone but him and Pip. This left her to deal with his more intimate needs. He was easy on her at first, since she had just given birth, but he was back to his old ways and Lavender dreaded leaving Evelyn’s room every night to go tend to him. At least that was when he actually came home.

She knew he would be home tonight. He had told her when he would be back. Lavender had no idea the things that were happening in the wizarding world. There was no one to tell her. But she knew something was happening. Evan was excitable these days. It made her sad to think that the Dark Lord was winning in any way, but it seemed the only explanation for her husband’s joyous moods.

“Are y-you hungry?” she asked her daughter softly and the little girl nodded.

Food was important for them. Not just to live, but it meant that they got to leave the bedroom. Evelyn liked going to the big, largely unused, kitchen. Evan never ate with them. It was a chance for her to run around the kitchen like a normal child. She got to look through cabinets and play with old pots while Lavender made them breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It was always simple foods, but it was more about getting out of the bedroom than it was the eating.

Lavender tipped over the salt shaker and nothing came out. She hadn’t even been paying attention enough to notice the lack of weight in it when she picked it up. It wasn’t used often, but apparently she had finally run it out. Sighing softly, she started looking around the various cabinets for salt. Soup without salt never tasted very good.

For the most part, the kitchen was bare. She only used a small portion of it and the few things she did find in the cabinets seemed unsafe to eat. Though she did come across something curious. It was a small jar filled with tiny, crescent moon shaped seeds. She remembered finding something similar in Snape’s home while cooking one day. She hadn’t thought about him in a long time. But she remembered asking him what it was and he snatched the bottle from her. It had been one of the few times he actually raised his voice to her. Demanding to know if she had put it in their food. 

Lavender found out that it was a Moonseed. A highly poisonous seed from a highly poisonous plant. She had asked why it was in the kitchen and he walked off muttering something, of which she only caught the word ‘mother’.

The blond witch felt desperate. She and her child couldn’t keep living this way. It was slowly killing them to be so deprived of life. Lavender had never been the most lively of people, but she had still craved interactions to some degree. Her mind went to a dark place quick. She wondered how she could feed this to Evan. She wondered what would happen to them if it was found out she killed him. Would anyone care? Could Lavender actually do that to someone?

Lavender couldn’t stand looking in mirrors anymore, not that she had been fond of it at any point in life. The marks around her wrists and ankles were almost always there. The bruises on her thighs and torso were always sore and tender. Her hips ached and even her scalp was sore from where Evan liked to tug her hair.

Her dull eyes looked over to see her daughter sitting quietly on the floor with her little doll. Not even running around to explore the cabinets anymore. Not chasing off the little spiders in the corners. Not asking when the food would be ready. Just sitting. Quietly and unmoving. Waiting for nothing. Even herself, as a child, had wanted to explore. Evan had managed to kill that desire in a two year old. 

That more than her own physical state was what made her realize she could do something like that to someone. Someone like Evan deserved it. Lavender was no potions worker though. She had no idea how to use Moonseed. Nor did she have an idea of how to get Evan to take it. He didn’t eat her food after all.

“E-E-Evelyn, go to-to your r-room,” she told her child and the little girl didn’t even question it. She just nodded lightly and climbed to her feet before tottering off. Lavender hadn’t thought she would feel like she was missing something by having an obedient child.

Lavender had no idea how potent the seeds were or how old they were. Could they be too old? That didn’t really matter. If it didn’t work, then so be it. She had to try anyway. She raided Evan’s wine stash and brought a bottle back to the kitchen with her. Drinking was something she only started doing recently. It made it easier to bed with her husband if she had a glass or two. Especially more recently when Evan was eager to have a second child and had yet to manage to impregnate her. The disappointment made him rough.

She poured herself a glass before pouring out small palm full of the seeds onto a tea towel. She crushed them with the bottom of a heavy pot till they were as fine a powder as she could manage and poured them into the bottle. It seemed such a cliche thing to do, but Lavender didn’t care. She shook the bottle hard and eyed it to see if the seed was visible. A few more hard shakes made any trace of them disappear into the dark liquid. Now all she had to do was get Evan to drink it.

She brought her already poured glass up to their shared bedroom and set it on the night stand with an empty glass and the opened bottle before going to take food to her daughter. If this failed, at least she would know she tried. For now, she would sit in the small bedroom with her daughter and watch the rain.

Evelyn was fast asleep in her bed by the time Evan arrived home. Lavender had thought to attempt to appeared excited, but she didn’t want him thinking something was wrong. She kept to her usual air of depression and submission. Sitting quietly on the edge of their bed where he liked her. Still wearing the same knee length, black, wool dresses that she had always worn. Evan didn’t allow her the thick tights to cover her legs, but she still had her plain, sensible shoes. She never wore her hair up. It always sat limply around her shoulders. In just a few years, her face had aged. She didn’t look as young anymore, even though she was just barely into her twenties. Her eyes were tired and constantly had dark rings around them. She had a few deep lines on her brow. 

Evan came in with that big grin on his face. He seemed in a good mood, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. It was hard to tell when his mood meant a rougher evening or not. They didn’t talk. Not really. He would say awful things to her while he took her, but that was usually it. His interactions with their child were nearly zero. He never asked about her and when he did go to see her, he sneered at her and walked off after checking to see that she was alive. What he did like was to remind Lavender that if he found out Evelyn wasn’t his child, he would smother them both. 

Tonight, he walked over and slid his fingers under her chin, making her look up at him. Lavender wondered if he was going to make her do that thing with her mouth again. She hated it. It always made her sick. She was surprised when he didn’t though.

“Oh, my little mouse, things are going to be changing soon. Such big changes,” Lavender knew not to ask, because it wasn’t her business, “Do you know what tomorrow is?” she shook her head. Lavender had difficulty keeping track of time. Pip was the one that reminded them when it was Evelyn’s birthday, “It’s Halloween,” not that it meant much to her. Even as a child, she had never been one for holidays. Did he expect her to dress their daughter up for no one to see? He was the sadistic type that would, “Tomorrow, we’re going to win this fight.”

That made her stomach sink a little, “Oh?”

“No need to worry about the details. You wouldn’t understand it anyway,” Lavender knew she wasn’t the brightest witch, but he seemed to think she was at the level of pondscum. 

She watched as he walked over to the bottle of wine without her even having to coax him into it. He really was in a good mood. For the first time in a long time, she felt like something was going right for her. Especially when he drank straight from the bottle, ignoring the empty glass she had put out for him. He took several large drinks and she wondered if he needed the alcohol to sleep with her the same way she needed it to sleep with him. There was no point in asking. She felt her stomach turn as he came back over to her and pressed his free hand to the back of her head. Lavender had hoped to be free of that tonight, but she had no such luck. Slowly, she reached up and began to unfasten his belt as he finished off half the bottle.

If it was going to work, she wondered how long it would take.


	18. Chapter 18

His cold and dreary life went frozen the day it happened. He had never been fond of Halloween before, but after that Halloween, he loathed it. He had done everything he thought possible to prevent it. However, none of it mattered. She was still dead and there was nothing he could do about it. The moment he learned that his precious Lily was being targeted, he did the thing he should have done years before. He turned his back on the Death Eaters and threw himself at the feet of Dumbledore. 

His life was difficult for the months leading up to that Halloween. He was both punished and rewarded by both Dumbledore and the Dark Lord for everything he did. A successful mission for one was a failure for the other. At the time, it seemed worth it. If it meant that Lily could continue living, even without him, then it would be worth it in the end. He had even demeaned himself by going to work at Hogwarts. He requested the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, but Dumbledore stuck him with the recently retired Horace Slughorn’s position as Potions Master. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like being able to spend his days and nights with potions. He saw potions as an art. But to teach it to teenagers? Severus loathed it. He spent day after day watching hormonal, spoiled, brats butcher something he loved. All because the Dark Lord agreed that him working in the castle was a good idea. All so he had a chance to help Lily’s life be saved. Maybe she would never be his, but at least she would be alive. He would rather her never be in his life and still take breath, than to not be in the world at all. So he tolerated being a Potions Master to a bunch of children, some of who weren’t much younger than himself once they reached their final years.

The first few years were the hardest. Mostly because there were students who had been in their first and second years, even third years, when he had graduated who were more than reluctant to take orders from him. It wasn’t difficult to find a way to assert his control over the class though. Severus was a bully victim who took to becoming a bully rather easily. The first night a class of students found themselves scrubbing the potions room floor with toothbrushes, there was little push back in his classes from then on.

He remembered it happening. He was in the room that was now his office, looking over the sorry excuses for parchments he had assigned the prior week. It was a Saturday and most were up in the Great Hall having their dinner. Severus rarely took his meals with the other professors or where the students could see him. He didn’t feel like a professor at just barely the age of twenty-one and he just wanted to be seen as little as possible. There was talk of making him Head of Slytherin House. So far, he had pushed against the idea. His goal was only to be working here till the situation with the Dark Lord was under control. Once it was sure that Lily and her family was safe, he would be done with this job. Not that he had any idea of what else he could do.

The office was much like the small lab he kept in his basement at home. It was cold, only warmed a bit when he had his personal cauldron bubbling. The walls were lined with various books and bottles. Some of which were his own and some were taken over when Slughorn left them behind. Much like his predecessor, his office reflected him. Cold, dark, and harsh. He took a place in the dungeons, rather than a upper level room like Slughorn had. It was small, unsuited for the parties Slughorn used to host. Students were not allowed in here, unless they were receiving some sort of punishment.

That night he had no other duties. No walking the halls or anything of that sort. So he sat alone in his office, no fire going in the fireplace, letting himself sit in his misery as he sorted through barely legible writings from his first years. The bottom, deep drawer of his desk was opened next to his legs and there was a bottle of FireWhiskey sitting inside of it. Dumbledore was aware of his drinking habit, but he managed to keep it under control. It wasn’t as if a student could get to it or that it would last long enough for a student to get to. He also only took part in it on nights like this when no one expected him anywhere. By Monday morning, he would be sobered and the bottle be empty at the bottom of a trashcan somewhere.

It all happened very fast. He was halfway through the bottle of whiskey and having given up on the parchments for the time being when pain shot through his body. It started in his arm and he cried out at how it felt. Severus knew he wasn’t the only one feeling it. 

Something had happened. Something bad. Something had gone wrong.

He clutched at his forearm and tears leaked from his eyes as the pain was more than he could stand. Gasping for air, he fell from his chair and curled up tight as it slowly died down. It left him feeling crippled as he took deep breaths.

Dumbledore was over him within moments of the pain fading. He barely heard the man’s words, but he caught the word _Potter_. The pain didn’t matter anymore. His head was clear enough for him to climb to his feet with the help of the old wizard’s arm. He remembered thinking that the pain must have meant something. Either the Dark Lord was very happy or very upset. He prayed for upset.

Sadly, he was wrong. Lily was dead.

The years passed slowly for Severus. It had been almost five years since Lily’s death. This Halloween would be the fifth anniversary of it. Severus dreaded it all year. While others would spend the day mourning the loss of the Potters, they would also celebrate the survival of their child and the death of the Dark Lord. Severus would do nothing but mourn. 

That was still months away though. For now, it was still summer and he still had time free from his students. As much as Severus wanted to leave his job at Hogwarts, there was no point in leaving. He had nowhere else to go and the energy it would take to find and start a new life just seemed like a waste. Why start over when he deserved to sit in misery for the rest of his life? He had done nothing good or right with his life. He deserved to have to watch child after child for years butcher potions making. He deserved to stay in the house he loathed so much. He deserved to be unhappy.

During the summer months, Severus kept to himself almost completely. He didn’t write the other professors like they did with each other. He had no friends and he barely considered anyone even an acquaintance. He spent most of the summer locked up in his house, working on his private potions work. Nothing he would publish or attempt to have noticed, but it kept him busy and kept his mind working. He spent most nights fast asleep in one of the chairs in the living room or hunched over his work table in the basement. The upstairs of the house as mostly unused. Severus had no need of it.

The few times he did wander out, it was for potion ingredients and occasionally food. Only food when his stomach hurt so much that he couldn’t stand it anymore.

Most would expect he would wait till late at night to wander out for food, but he found it to be less busy in the mornings. Teenagers were still sleeping in and enjoying the late summer days. Their parents were at work and wrangling the younger children. It wouldn’t be till around noon that it would start to get busy and bothersome for him. That busyness would last till late in the evening. Luckily for him, the Leaky Cauldron was willing to serve the dinner from the night before to those who showed up early enough to get it. Severus wasn’t fond of breakfast foods. 

Much of the time, he would just gather a few meals and head back to his home, but occasionally he would sit and eat a little so long as there were not many others around. Thus far, this summer, he had not the chance to do that due to travelers who did like their breakfast coming down and sitting around the bar and dining area of the Inn. But this morning, it was mostly empty. Just some man passed out over a table in the back and a witch walking around cleaning up. 

Severus paid little attention to other people as he sat in a corner with his food. His stomach was hurting and he cared more about controlling it than he did the witch who was clearing off tables. Once he was back at Hogwarts, he would have daily meals ago and replace the weight he lost over the summer. This became the normal for him over the years. Till he was eating regularly again, he resisted the urge to eat fast, knowing it would hurt his stomach. He started with the staled bread and chewed on it till the hunger pains started to fade so he could at least get some enjoyment out of eating the stew that had likely been sitting in a simmering pot all night. 

His dark eyes flicked up as he looked around the bar room he knew so well. This was where he got his FireWhiskey from too. During the summer, he drank daily and sometimes two bottles or more. It was likely part of the reason for his appearance. He was only twenty-seven, but the sallowness of his skin, the limpness of his oily, dark hair, and the heavy sunkenness of his eyes made him look years older than he really was. The alcohol didn’t help matters.

He looked to the man sleeping off his own drinks from the night before and then to the witch cleaning. She must have been new, or at least new since last summer. Tom didn’t usually hire people to clean. Much of the cleaning was done by magic, which was common in wizarding eating places. To hire someone, Tom must have pitied her. Especially since Severus noticed she wasn’t using magic. She wiped tables down by hand and carried empty glasses by the arm full into the back. It would have cut her cleaning time in half if she used magic. A squib, he supposed.

It wasn’t often he took to watching people, but there was little else to do while he chewed through over cooked hunks of meat. She was average in height with a trail of limp, dull blond hair down her back in a ponytail. She kept her back to him for the most part, which he was fine with. He had no interest in her catching his eye and them being forced into some form of awkward acknowledgement of each other. She was thin, too thin, but he wasn’t one to judge on that considering his own frame. The dress she was wearing was too big for her and hung off her in an unattractive manner. The black fabric looked old and heavy. If he had to guess, she probably only owned a handful of dresses and they all likely looked similar. At least she had the right mind to wear sensible shoes if she wasn’t going to use magic for her cleaning. He wondered if the shoes made it easier on the slight limp she seemed to have.

Severus nearly choked on a mushy carrot as she finally turned around. She hadn’t caught his eye, but he recognized her almost immediately.

It was Ackerly. 

He hadn’t thought of her in years. Too preoccupied, as always, with thoughts of Lily. It was amazing to him that he realized how little he had thought of her. She wasn’t the woman he’d loved, but she had been the only woman he ever had any form of intimacy with. It was hard to believe that the woman he was seeing right now was the same girl he had lost his virginity to on his couch. 

She brought a thin, bony hand up to her face and wiped her forehead a bit to push the hair out of her eyes. Her face was thin and she never seemed to open her eyes fully. They always stayed droopy looking, likely not from tire, but more to avoid having to look anyone in the eye. Ackerly had never been one to stand out and she seemed to practically fade into the wall now. She looked like a shell of her former self. Which was really saying something considering how much of an empty pot she seemed to have been before.

Severus wondered if she had recognized him at all. She had been the one to bring his food and she hadn’t said a word. As he watched her, he realized she hadn’t recognized him. Not because she had forgotten him, but more because he noticed she was in some kind of automatic mode. Her movements were routine and deliberate. She’d done them many times before. She didn’t need to be aware to do her job. She just moved around like a ghost. Not even the sort of ghost that haunted Hogwarts, but a silent spectre that didn’t know how to move on. She didn’t notice him, because she didn’t notice anything.

Years back, shortly after Lily’s death and the Dark Lord’s downfall, Death Eaters were being rounded up. Many sent straight to Azkaban, and a few with the right kind of money managed to stay in their cozy homes. Severus had spent a week in Azkaban before Dumbledore managed to speak on his behalf and free him. It might have been the worst week of his life, but he had barely noticed it in his grief over Lily. He vaguely remembered hearing that Rosier had put up a fight. Most of them had fought, but easily subdued when it came to a near army of Aurors against them. Not Rosier though. He had fought. Fought hard enough that the only outcome for him had been death. It seemed a fitting end for someone like Rosier.

A thought of confusion came over him. If Rosier was dead and she his widow, why was she cleaning tables like a squib? The Death Eaters families were not robbed of their fortunes, should they have any. Old family money was not taken from them and their survivors. The Rosiers were an old family and had a large estate. Almost as large as the Malfoys and the Blacks. Her reward should have been to live out the rest of her life with Rosiers family fortune to aid her. So why was she here of all places cleaning tables?

It was obvious she hadn’t replaced the wand he had destroyed. Was it because she didn’t want to or because she couldn’t? Sometimes a second hand wand just didn’t work. His first wand had been his mother’s and while it had worked, it hadn’t felt right. It wasn’t till Slughorn had recognized his potions talent and offered to pay for a wand so long as Severus paid him back by cleaning the potions room for a month. He felt it had been worth every scumming cauldron. He felt guilt sitting in the pit of his stomach as he remembered throwing her wand into the fireplace. He could have just hidden it, but then she might have found it. At the time, he hadn’t thought of how difficult replacing a wand actually was. 

The stew on the table in front of him had cooled considerably by the time he realized he’d been watching her clean for nearly two hours. There was a part of him that wanted to pull her aside and apologize to her for everything. He knew it was his fault. He’d given up blaming himself years ago, but he did know it was his fault. He knew there were things he could have done to help her. But he couldn’t will himself to move from the seat.

Severus was scared.

Terrified to see the look in her eyes if she suddenly became aware of her surroundings and realized who he was. Would she be angry? Sad? Bitter? Or would she not react at all? Ackerly had never been very prone to outbursts, but he did remember the time she stabbed him. 

People were starting to come in and he watched as she disappeared behind the counter and into the back. When she didn’t come back out after a few minutes, he slowly stood up and almost walked to the door to leave. He told himself that this wasn’t his problem. Rosier was dead and she had her life back. He didn’t have to apologize to her for taking a job like this.

His fingers were on the door handle and he gripped it tight for a moment, “...bloody hell…” he growled lowly at himself as he let it go and started towards the door behind the counter. He was sure Tom wouldn’t appreciate it, but he planned to have this done quick. 

Severus marched his way across the room and pushed the door open slowly, so as not to surprise her, but he was the one in for a surprise. It had been shocking to see her in the first place, but then he saw her standing in front of the stove in the back kitchen and he remembered how she used to look standing in front of the stove in his own kitchen. She wasn’t a beautiful woman, but she hadn’t been a beautiful teenager either. If possible, he felt she looked more homely than she had before. She looked tired. Worn down.

Her sleeves were rolled up now, as she worked over a large pot, and he felt a little sickened at seeing the scars on her arms. He tried to tell himself that they could be kitchen and cleaning accidents as she learned to work without magic. But the ones around her wrists. Those...those he recognized. Rosier had never brought her out to any of the gatherings, but he had partaken in other witches there. Many had similar markings around their wrists. None that he could remember were near as bad as what he saw now on Ackerly’s wrists though.

That wasn’t the most surprising thing though. He stood there, ready to speak, but a small head popped out from behind Ackerly’s legs. He was floored at the sight of the little girl. Her black as ink hair was braided and hanging over one of her shoulders. Her skin had a sallow tint and her nose was much too long for her face. She was tall and thin. Her face, while it had Ackerly’s eyes, reminded him of his own mother. He remembered pictures of her as a child and this little girl was the spitting image of her. Too tall, too thin, to sallow, and too big a nose. Much like he had been, and still was, but her features were softer and more feminine than his own.

Severus remembered standing next to his mother, holding onto the skirt of her dress, while she worked over a small cauldron in the basement. If father had caught them, they would both be in trouble, but she had started his love for the art of potion making. Always sneaking him off while father was passed out drunk or out pretending to work to make small brews. 

“Mum...” the girl spoke and he nearly stumble back out the door, but Ackerly’s eyes were on him fast. Wide, filled with exhaustion and pain, looking at him with shock on her face. She was the one to stumble. She took a step back, forgetting her child was there. To keep from falling over the small girl, Ackerly reached out and grabbed the cooking pot. She gasped in pain, “Mum! Mr. Tom! Mum burned herself!” she ran off before Ackerly could grab her.

“E-E-Evelyn…” but the girl was already gone. The coward in him told him to leave while he had the chance, but somehow he managed to make his feet stay where they were. He couldn’t get the sight of that girl out of his mind. It even took him a moment to realize that Ackerly was speaking to him, “W-what are you-you doing h-h-here?”

What was he supposed to say? It suddenly seemed silly to apologize for something that happened years ago. It actually sounded terrible in his head. As if he were apologizing for what was apparently her life now. Still, he had to say something, “I just...I saw you and...Is your hand alright?”

She clutched it to her chest and nodded fast, “J-just a sm-sm-small burn.”

Severus stared at her for a moment, their eyes locked awkwardly together. He didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t choke out the apology he knew she deserved, “I should...go.”

Ackerly didn’t try to stop him. In fact, she nodded her head fast again and stood still as a statue as he backed out of the kitchen and nearly tripped over his own feet to get to the building exit. Severus felt like he couldn’t breath and he desperately needed fresh air. He pushed past a few people coming down from the rooms up stairs for breakfast, not bothering to stop to apologize for it. Apparently he was terrible at apologizing for anything. The minute he made it outside, he took deep breaths of air. Attempting to ward off the feeling like he was going to pass out.

More than seeing Ackerly, he couldn’t get that little girl out of his head. Even without the almost black, dark brown eyes; that child was every ounce his mother all over.

That child was his.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly getting back to updates after NaNo. Please bare with me. Also, in the past, I switched between Lavender and Snape each getting a chapter. With the inclusion of Evelyn, she will be getting chapter rotations as well. This will be her first.

Evelyn didn’t have fond memories of her childhood, of which she was still living. There were no family dinners, holiday parties, walks in the park, or anything of that kind. Of which, she was mostly content about. Mostly because she didn’t know at the time that those were the sorts of things that a happy family did. Her happy memories were the days when her father didn’t come home for several days and she and her mother would fall asleep together in the small bed of her room. Her small room was the only memories she had of home.

When her mother came to tell her that her father was dead, she didn’t know how she was supposed to feel. Then again, she had only been two at the time and she barely knew the man. Now that she was a little older, she had mix feelings about it. She knew he had been a bad person, but he was still her father. He never hit her or rose his voice to her, but Evelyn knew that was because her mother took it all for her.

She didn’t ask questions as they moved from the mansion they had been living into to the small room in the basement of the home of strangers. Her mother told her that they were her grandparents, but Evelyn had never met them before. The Ackerly’s, that’s who they said they were. Jacob and Gwen Ackerly. They didn’t expect her to call them Grandma or Grandpa. They actually preferred Mr. and Mrs. Ackerly. 

It was nice having a little more room to move around, even if the house itself was smaller. She was allowed to move around the bedroom they shared, the sitting room, the kitchen, and the small garden out the backdoor. Evelyn didn’t go outside too much. She was very much the indoor type of person, but it was nice to have the option of the garden for the occasional urge she had to put her feet in the grass. Her grandparent’s home had more books and Evelyn took to them quick. She liked spending hours sitting at the dining table with a book.

While she knew her father was a bad person, there was never any fighting in their home. At least none that Evelyn ever had to hear or witness. But there were many disagreements in her Grandparent’s home. She never had to listen to all of it, but she could hear the muffled sound of raised voices from her bed while she was supposed to be sleeping. 

They spent several years leaving in the basement, but one day her mother told her that they were moving. Mr. Tom at the Leaky Cauldron was renting them a room and her mother would be cleaning there for work. It wasn’t too different from leaving at her Grandparents. She had her own small room, much smaller than the one at her father’s home, but still her own room. There was no small garden, but she got to roam around all the open areas of the Inn. She spent a lot of time sitting on the stool in the back corner of the kitchen with the books Mr. Tom had and that she got to keep from her Grandparents. It was nice and they got to eat whenever they wanted.

Evelyn loved her mother, but as she got older, she wished the woman would take better care of herself. Mr. Tom let them eat whenever they wanted, but her mother insisted on paying. Which meant that her mother ate less and often skipped meals as she put money away to rent them a flat one day. Evelyn did her best to not let on that she sneaked food when no one was looking so that her mother would think that they were only eating what they could buy. Mr. Tom encouraged her to do it.

There was an incredible thing about being a child, especially one as quiet as herself. People never knew when to keep their mouths shut. She could wander around the Inn at all hours of the day and hear all kinds of stories. There were times when she would just sit at an empty table and listen to what people talked about. The stories that interested her the most were ones about her mother.

They had been living at the Leaky Cauldron since August of the year before and it was getting close to having been there for a year. People had all kinds of things to say about her mother in that time. Well, not really about her mother specifically, but rather about her family in general. They said her father was a Death Eater. One of the worst. That he tortured and killed people for fun. They made pitying sounds when they saw her mother cleaning tables. 

The day the dark haired man had come into the kitchen was a strange one. She’d seen him watching her mother while she cleaned, bringing the dishes from the night before to the sink Evelyn was filling up. She had learned to not worry about her mother’s well being too much, but it was hard not to when, for the first time, she saw someone watching the woman. No one paid attention to the two of them. Not for more than a moment or two. But he was watching her mother and Evelyn wasn’t sure she liked that.

The last time someone did that, her mother cried for a few days. It was some tall, blond man with long hair. He had pulled her mother aside and said something to her before leaving as quickly as he’d come. After that, her mother took breaks more often than usual so she could cry in the kitchen or in the bathroom. Evelyn never found out what was said, but she told herself she’d kick this man in the shins if he did that to her mother this time.

She tried to get her mother to talk to her as they started getting a pot ready to start the lunch soup while another pot was prepping for porridge for breakfast. As usual, her mother was silent, only telling her to go read. She knew her mother didn’t like talking a lot. It was the stuttering. It didn’t bother Evelyn, but she knew it was a sore spot for her mother. 

She had been ready to drop the subject when, while obviously shaken by the brief interaction with that man, her mother wasn’t moved to tears. She never would have brought it up again, but the man came back the next day. And the next and the next after that. For the most part, he sat at a table in the back and only tried to get her mother’s attention when she got close enough to bring him food or drinks. Her mother ignored all of his attempts at conversation and forbid Evelyn from coming out of the kitchen when he was there. It got bad enough that Mr. Tom had to talk to the man and tell him to leave.

She would watch him from the crack between the door and the wall while he tried to talk to her mother. He didn’t seem very interesting. Dark clothes, dark hair, and mostly quiet. Not all that different from any number of wizards who came through the Inn on a weekly basis. Evelyn was mostly interested in his nose. She would look at her own reflection in a pot and poke at her own nose till her mother told her to stop. She was well aware that her nose was bigger than it should have been. Not comically large, but just a big too long and it had this little crook in it that made it seem like it was off center just a bit and to the left. He had the same nose.

The color and limp appearance of his hair wasn’t lost on her either. Mother got upset at seeing her looking in the bathroom mirror of their shared rooms with her hair down and partly covering her face while poking her nose. Her grandparents and her mother always said she was too smart for her own good and she quickly realized that her mother didn’t want her making comparisons between herself and that guy. Even after he stopped coming into the Leaky Cauldron, Evelyn would see him standing outside the windows. Pacing a bit. Usually for a half an hour before giving up and going away.

If he was hoping her mother would go outside, he was wasting his time. Mother never went anywhere. Working somewhere with a kitchen that was always stocked meant that her mother never had to leave for any reason. Evelyn got to leave sometimes, but only when her grandparents came to get her. That didn’t happen often, but occasionally they came by to take her for a day or two. Not that anything special happened during her time at their house, but it was nice for a change of scenery.

It had been a few months since the last time they did that and Evelyn had a plan.

The dark haired man was outside again. It was a Friday and the bar room was busy. Kids had been out for the day with their parents getting school supplies and now they all wanted a place to eat. Most of the time, she would stay in her room and out of the way on busy nights like this, but she saw him standing outside from the window of her room. Evelyn wanted answers. 

She ran down the stairs, taking two at a time, as she weaved her way through the crowds of people to the kitchen. The other witches and wizards who worked here, though not as much as her mother, were moving around getting food and keeping up with the cleaning magic while her mother did most of the cooking. Magic could help with cooking, but Mr. Tom liked the food to be prepared the muggle way. He said it tasted better. Mother’s lack of a wand made her better suited to cooking on the busy nights when magic made cleanup easier.

“E-Evlyn, wh-what’re you d-doing?” her mother asked as she slipped up next to her by the stove, “You sh-shouldn’t be d-d-down here.”

“I know, Mum, but Grandma and Pa are here. They want me to come stay with them for the weekend. Can I go?” 

“W-what?” her mother’s head went up and she stood on her toes to look over the small ledge that windowed out of the kitchen to the bar. Evelyn didn’t like lying, it made her stomach feel tight, but she was counting on the fact that she never lied to work in her favor.

“Lavender! Five stews, we need more bread, and don’t let that chicken burn!” one of the other witches called out from the door.

“Oh...uh…” her mother set back down on her feet and started moving around the crowded kitchen with Evelyn at her feet.

“Can I go, Mum?”

“They’re supposed-supposed to write first…” they always sent a owl ahead of time so Evelyn could be ready.

“Lavender! Stew, bread, chicken!”

“Okay-okay,” her mother leaned down and kissed her forehead lightly, “B-behave yourself. Send an o-owl when you g-g-get there.”

“I will,” she turned and ran from the kitchen quick before her mother could say anything else. 

Somewhere in her mind, she knew this was dangerous. She was going to go chase after some man that she knew nothing about. Evelyn was normally smarter than that, but she was also still a child. Sometimes the logical thoughts got lost.

By the time she pushed the door open, she saw that the dark haired man was gone and she frowned. She worried she would have to go back inside and admit she had been lying. Evelyn looked around a little. She had never been outside the Leaky Cauldron this way. Her mother never went out and her grandparents only took her out the back way to Diagon Alley. It was warm out and against all better judgement, she started walking down the sidewalk. She knew that they were in London, but that was about it.

It was warm out and she felt a little silly looking around. She watched other people with their children and she wondered why she couldn’t wear the sorts of things she saw them wearing. She looked like her mother. The black jumper went down to her knees with two little buttons just above the pleats in the front. There were no designs on it or anything pretty on it. It was practical. She watched a girl her age walk by wearing a pink T-shirt that hung down over the hem of her jean, knee-length skirt with pale pink tights and white shoes. She was carrying a purse, which was likely empty, but for show. It had little sparkles on it and matched the plastic bracelets she was wearing. Her hair was puffy with curls. Evelyn felt something new watching the girl go by. It was a tight feeling in her chest that made her frown heavily. 

Jealousy. 

Evelyn realized she was jealous and she wasn’t sure she liked that feeling. It felt wrong. It wasn’t the other girl’s fault that she got to wear pretty clothes and Evelyn didn’t. It wasn’t her fault that wizarding clothing tended to be on the muted color side of things. It seemed silly to feel jealous over something that was out of both of their control. 

Even knowing that, she couldn’t help the feeling. As she walked, it festered a little as she saw more and more children dressed in similar manners. It grew larger as she saw a small toy shop and watched a boy a few years younger than herself picking out a toy. All she ever had was a faceless doll made by a house elf that sat in her clothing trunk at the end of her bed. She reached up and touched the shop window as she watched the little boy with the toy car. He looked so happy. His mother and father looked happy to make him happy. Did her mother ever smile? Evelyn couldn’t remember her ever cracking the smallest of smirks.

She gasped as the glass cracked and shattered. Within seconds, everyone was looking at her as the glass barely hung in the window and most of it was around her feet. The little boy and his parents were standing against the wall, an arm protectively around the boy from each of them. The shop clark was staring at her in shock and several people on the sidewalk who had jumped back when it happened were doing the same. 

A muggle man grabbed her arm and she screamed a little, but he held tight. He was dressed strangely, even for muggle standards. He had on a strange hat with some kind of badge on it and there was a stick of some sort that she almost mistook for a wand hanging off his hip. It was much too large to be a wand though, “Little girl, little girl,” his voice was stern, but calm, “Did you do this?”

“N-n-no, Sir!” she wasn’t prone to stuttering like her mother, but she’d also never been in a situation like this before. Evelyn tried to wrench her arm away from his grasp, but he held her firmly, “Let me go!”

“Where are your parents? What happened to this window?”

“Let me go!” she shouted louder.

“Officer, I would appreciate if you let go of my daughter,” Evelyn turned quick, still held tight by the muggle and saw the dark haired wizard. He looked so strange standing on the street surrounded by muggles. He looked as out of place as she probably would if she were surrounded by muggle children.

“This is your daughter?” the muggle asked.

“I think that much is obvious,” the wizard stepped forward, “Evelyn, did you break this window?”

She stared at him for a moment. She wasn’t sure what to do. Had she broken it? Evelyn knew that young witches and wizards could do magic without meaning to. If she did do it, shouldn’t she tell the truth? No. Telling muggles would be worse than lying about breaking the window, “N-no. I didn’t do it.”

“Everyone saw her do it, Sir,” the muggle still hadn’t let her arm go and she started struggling harder.

“From what I saw, she just touched the window. I hardly think a little girl could break a window like this just from putting her fingers on it. Did anyone see her throw anything? Is there anything laying around that could have been thrown? You should be questioning the owner on the defectiveness of his window glass. My child could have been hurt,” his voice was different from anyone else's she had heard before. It was deep and smooth. Mr. Tom’s voice was soft, her grandfather’s was a big gravely, and her father’s was sharp.

The muggle finally let her go and without hesitating, she ran over to the wizard and grabbed the hem of his vest. The feelings of jealousy she had before were gone, only to be replaced by something else. He’d mentioned her touching the glass. How long had he been following her? It didn’t seem scary. Instead, she felt it almost heroic. Like one of the men in the books Mr. Tom had. The kind who rescued women. He’d come to her rescue when the mean muggle grabbed her. 

“Come on, Evelyn,” she liked how her name sounded. It made her feel warm and she felt herself smile a little, “Let’s go home,” he touched the back of her head a little as he started to lead her away, “Does your mother know you’re out here?” he asked lowly.

“...no.”

The warm feeling faded as he spoke again, “You’re in a lot of trouble.


	20. Chapter 20

Evelyn was a very convincing young witch. He had every intention on taking her back to the Leaky Cauldron and returning her to her mother. His goal was to speak with Ackerly first before interacting with the girl. Despite his career, he wasn’t good with children and he hoped to just use this opportunity to corner Ackerly into a conversation.

But it seemed the little girl had other plans in mind. She told him that if he didn’t take her to dinner to talk with her first, then she would make sure her mother never spoke to him and would even run off from him screaming. The manipulation skills of a child were crude, but effective. He had no doubts that Evelyn could convince her mother to never speak to him. Ackerly seemed to be doing a well enough job of that on her own, her daughter adding to it would only make it impossible.

Severus had thought it was awkward the first time he and Ackerly had sex on the couch and he’d wanted to make sure she didn’t feel forced into it. But this was worse. The muggle cafe was hardly a comfortable setting for him and Evelyn sitting across the table from him was strange. She looked so much like his mother, it was scary. He could see Ackerly in her eyes though. She didn’t have the dark brown, almost black, eyes that his family had. Instead, she had the dull, muted, soft brown that Ackerly had. He remembered doing his best to avoid looking in those eyes when she had been staying with him.

Evelyn spoke first after the waitress brought them glasses of water. Severus had no intentions of eating, but he assumed she didn’t either. This was a chance for her to speak. She seemed surprisingly mature. Even the way she sat. Hands folded in her lap, sitting straight, staring him down without that fear that his students had, “Are you my father?” her question took him by surprise. He respected her getting straight to the point. No reason to waste time.

“That’s difficult to answer.”

“I don’t think it is. I think it’s a yes or no question.”

Their eyes locked and Severus did his best to keep the stony image he projected at his students. It didn’t seem to be working on her though. She wasn’t scared of him, “What would you say if I said no?”

“I’d call you a liar.”

“It’s not polite to talk to adults that way.”

“Maybe if I had a father around to teach me proper manners, I would be better behaved,” he had to give her dues for that one. Evelyn knew what to say and that impressed him. 

Severus cleared his throat a little and broke the eye lock, caving into her, “You had a father.”

“I had a guy who stuck his face into my bedroom long enough to give me a dirty look once or twice a month when I was two. Hardly a father figure. I can’t even remember what he looked like.”

That sounded about right. He had always doubted that Rosier would much of a father figure, even if the child had been his. The fact that Evelyn took so much after the Snape family, he was sure Rosier was well aware of her parentage from the beginning. There was a momentary feeling of anger, but he knew why Rosier had done nothing. It was one thing to get rid of his wife, but he couldn’t get rid of the child. Not without raising questions. It explained why no one had ever seen the two of them. Showing up with a child that looked like Severus would be an embarrassment to the Rosier name. Better to just hide the shame away, “I suppose that’s not the best fatherly experience.”

“If he hadn’t died, it would have only got worse. So I am grateful for the life I have now. Are you stalking my mother because you love her?” the drastic subject change made his mouth go dry with shock.

“I’m sorry...what did you say?”

“Do you love my mother? Is that why you’re always trying to talk to her?”

Severus cleared his throat a little. He didn’t know how to respond to this, “I am your father. I think it would be impossible to deny that,” the physical evidence was damning enough.

“First question answered. Now, do you love my mother?”

There was a part of him that wanted to be gentle with her. To tell her that life was complicated and she shouldn’t worry herself with adult relationships. But he thought better of it. Severus had never taken it easy on any of his students. He treated them like the spoiled brats he felt they were who needed a harsh dose of reality. There was no reason to go easy on Evelyn. She wanted to talk like adult, he would talk back to her like one, “No. I have never had any affectionate feelings for her and I do not see myself having any in the future towards her.”

He watched as the sternness of her small face faltered and she dropped her eyes to the tabletop, “Oh…” he knew what she was hoping for. That he would say he loved Ackerly, that he wanted to marry her and be a father and let them live in his house and take care of them. Despite her maturity, she was still a little girl and one who was obviously wanting a father.

Severus had never saw himself as a father. He didn’t like children. It was more than that though. The thought of passing down his blood was bothersome. He strived to not allow any part of his own father into his life and he had never wanted to pass that down to anyone else. While he had failed at that, he still didn’t feel like a father. He didn’t know how to be a father. 

“Why are you trying to talk to my mother then?”

After the ‘love’ question, that one didn’t seem so bad, “I just want to know that she’s...alright,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “And to know more about you.”

Evelyn perked up a little and smiled. It was strange to see her smile. He never smiled. He’d never seen Ackerly smile. His own mother never smiled. Seeing someone that looked like himself smiling was such a strange thing to see, “You’re uncomfortable talking to me.”

“...I’m not used to talking civilly to children.”

They both went silent as the waitress brought a plate of food for Evelyn, “Mum’s not alright. She used to say that she was, even though I knew she wasn’t, but now she doesn’t even pretend. She just acts like she doesn’t hear it when people ask...not that many people ask. Just Mr. Tom when she burns her hand or gets a cut. The Ackerly’s don’t even ask anymore,” she didn’t call them her grandparents, which told him quite a bit about how Ackerly’s relationship with her own family was going. He wondered if she regretted not running away when he offered for her to so that she could spare them whatever the Death Eaters might have done to them.

So now he knew. He knew she was as miserable as she looked, “Why don’t you live in your father’s home?” he’d already admitted to being her father, but he was sure she knew what he meant.

Evelyn shrugged as she poked at her food, “Don’t know. Mum doesn’t talk about it...or anything,” of course she didn’t. Ackerly was about as chatty as he was, “You’re going to try to help us, right?”

His eyes flicked up and he saw the last thing he wanted to see. That desperate look in her eyes. She wanted someone to save them. She wanted some knight to come in and rescue them. She might have been young enough to not remember Rosier, but his mark had obviously been left on both their lives. She wanted a father figure to come into their lives and make her and her mother happy. All she wanted was what anyone wanted. A normal family with a happy life. 

Unfortunately for her, even if he had been interested in pursuing Ackerly in a romantic way, their life would be far from normal and not likely any happier than it was now, “I’m not sure there is anything I can do to help you.”

“I can get Mum to talk to you. Maybe you don’t love her, but you two had something once, right?” Severus wasn’t about to tell her that he had essentially kept her mother prisoner and still held guilt over the fact that she might have felt forced into sex with him given the situation, “You can help her. She barely eats, she hasn’t left the Leaky Cauldron once since we moved in there, when she doesn’t cry herself to sleep she just doesn’t sleep at all, and she works herself to the point where she can barely move...but she won’t stop. She just keeps working, because she doesn’t take care of herself and she doesn’t care what happens to herself. She says she does it so we can move into a flat someday, but I’m worried if we do move, she’ll never go back to work. She’ll just hole up in a bedroom and never come out.”

It was difficult to find the words to respond. Severus knew the situation. It wasn’t too different from what he’d seen with his own mother. By the time he started going to Hogwarts, the woman had begun to give up on life. By the time he was in his third year, she had given up completely. At Evelyn’s age, she had cared for him and taken the abuse from his father to spare him and gone without for him. But by his thirteenth birthday, she didn’t do that anymore. She would spend days sleeping in the bed that had used to be his. 

Looking at the small girl across the table from him and listening to her, Severus realized that Evelyn wouldn’t even make it to Hogwarts before Ackerly gave up. Was it possible that she could have a worse off time at school than he had gone through? People would know she was the daughter of a Death Eater. They would know what a monster Rosier was from their parents. For whatever reason, she didn’t have the money to make the rumors and stories not matter. She’d be sent to school with no wand till a professor took pity on her to buy her one. She would have to try to find books previous students left behind to get through her classes. She wouldn’t be able to get the supplies she needed.

At least he had been able to manage. He had a father who occasionally had a job and he could sneak money from to get what he needed. It didn’t appear that Evelyn would have the same advantage that he had if Ackerly gave up. He wanted to believe that her grandparents would step in, but would they? After all, they had allowed their daughter to be married off to a monster and they obviously weren’t helping her now.

It didn’t happen often, but there was the rare student who did manage to fail out of school. Most that did, did so due to poor marks and simply deciding not to come back. But there was the extremely rare case of a student who just couldn’t manage no matter what their skill level was. There was a time when he worried that he would be one of those. If his mother hadn’t given him her own wand, he wouldn’t have made it through his first year and likely wouldn’t have gone back for a second. 

“I can’t help your mother if she doesn’t want to be helped. It’s up to her if she wants help, not that I believe I can help her,” he wasn’t fit to care for himself, much less help someone else care for themselves. 

“Oh…” her face fell again and she sat quietly with her hands in her lap and her eyes cast down, “...you can take me back to the Leaky Cauldron now, if you want. If you’re not going to try to help Mum, then just leave us alone. It upsets Mum that you keep coming by, so just stop,” Evelyn was giving him an out the same way Ackerly had years ago on her wedding day. She was releasing him from his obligations to her. Giving him the choice to let go of his guilt and just cowardly slink away.

It sickened him, but the temptation was there. Severus hated himself. Loathed how easy it was for him to just ignore that Evelyn was his child and that Ackerly appeared to be mere steps away from letting life slip away from her. He had done the cowardly thing more than once in his life and he knew he couldn’t let it happen again, “I...I can’t help your mother if she doesn’t want me to...but I can help you.”

Her head shot up to look at him, “R-really? How?”

Severus sighed heavily, “You’ll be starting school in a few years and you’ll need supplies. I can help with that,” he didn’t have a lot of money, but the money he did receive from his work mostly just sat around collecting dust. During the school year, all of his food was supplied for him by the school and the only thing he really spent money on was Firewhiskey and potion ingredients that couldn’t be grown or captured himself. Sometimes he told himself that he was saving up to move and finally be free of his family home once and for all, but the truth was that he stayed there because he knew he deserved to be miserable.

“You want to help me go to school? Mum said she could teach me,” which didn’t surprise him. To spare her the humiliation, Ackerly was going to try to teach the girl herself. Unfortunately, that would be impossible without a wand and while she wasn’t the dullest person he knew, she wasn’t the brightest either. Evelyn would have no life. She’d likely end up the same as her mother. Maybe lacking the forced marriage to a monster, but then again, maybe not. Severus knew plenty of wizards who preyed on women like Ackerly. While she was far too gone to be used any further that way, Evelyn would be a young woman one day. Lost with no friends, little family, and no education. It was easy to see her ending up in a bad situation like her mother or even his own mother. 

There was something about that thought that made him angry. He never got angry when he saw some of his students in a bad situation. He actually enjoyed putting some of them in bad situations. He’d never thought of himself as a father, but he wondered if it was because he knew she was his child. Ackerly was feeding and keeping a roof over Evelyn’s head, but it was glaringly obvious she wasn’t fit to care for a child on her own at the moment. She cared about her child, but at the cost of her own health and in the long run, that would do more harm than good for the young girl.

Despite the hell he went through in school, he knew he was better off at Hogwarts than he was left at home, “I’m sure she did…you would do better in a school environment.”

“I think so too. I love Mum, but I’ve never seen her use any magic. Mr. Tom uses magic without saying spells or a wand, but Mum doesn’t even do that,” again, not something that surprised him, “She gets upset whenever I ask her about it. Well, she pretends like she doesn’t hear me, which is how she gets upset,” ignore a problem till it went away. His own mother had done that quite a bit. Rosier had done a number on Ackerly. The woman was beyond physically damaged.

“Do you think you can get her to speak with me?”

Evelyn was silent for a moment, but she finally nodded her head, “Mum doesn’t talk much, but she might listen.”


	21. Chapter 21

“She was concerned for you, don’t be upset with her,” but his words did little to calm her down.

Lavender had been shocked when the Friday rush calmed down and Snape walked in with her daughter at his side. At first she had thought something bad had happened with her parents and Snape just happened to be there to help. But then Evelyn admitted to having lied to go follow Snape and she became angry.

Never before in her life had she been angry like this. Evelyn had never given her cause to be angry before. The closest she could think of was when she’d thrown a vase at Snape’s head on her wedding day. This was a different kind of anger though. She was upset that her daughter had lied to her, but she was also angry that her daughter had been so reckless and could have got hurt. She was angry with herself for having not realized what her child was up to. Evelyn had never given her cause for concern before and Lavender felt betrayed.

“D-d-don’t tell me-me to…” she was so upset that talking was nearly impossible. Lavender shook her head and tried to control her tongue, “Get out!”

“Ackerly, please…” she had heard him say that so many times since he started coming here. Everytime she was forced to bring him a plate or a glass, he would say that and try to get her to stay and talk to him. Till Tom told him that he wasn’t welcomed here anymore, she just ignored him. It was lucky that he hadn’t tried to grab her. He seemed to realize that doing so was likely a bad idea. 

Seeing Snape in the doorway of the kitchen had brought back feelings she had tried very hard to suppress. Lavender had never quite decided on how she felt about sleeping with him the few times that she had. She told herself that it wasn’t because she felt trapped, but because she wanted to know what it felt like to be with someone that way. It wasn’t affectionate or passionate, but it had been a feeling of some sort. But deep down, there was always that nagging feeling that she was only justifying it to herself and that she hadn’t really wanted it. Except that last time. She knew she had wanted it that last time.

Lavender didn’t understand why he couldn’t just leave her be. If he was looking for some kind of forgiveness, she wasn’t ready to give it. She just wanted to be left alone. Not just by him, but by everyone. There was a time when she used to get jealous over the attention her friends in school received, but now she just wished for a life where she could just be alone. Even as much as she loved her daughter, there were days when she wondered if she would be happy if her parents offered to take the girl in and Lavender could just hole up somewhere and be alone. It was getting harder and harder everyday to force herself to get out of bed. She told herself that her daughter would be better off living with her parents.

“Y-y-you never wa-wanted to talk b-before. Why...Why now?” she couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with him. She made a point to never look directly at anyone anymore. It was just easier that way, “Wh-why can’t you just go-go away?”

“Because I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and I need to fix what I can. I won’t lie to you. I didn’t mean to find you or to try to fix anything, but I know it’s what I have to do,” she didn’t like what he had to say. Then again, did she ever really like anything he had ever said to her? It wasn’t like any part of their interactions together were really all that pleasant, “Will you please look at me?” but she couldn’t. Lavender kept her back to him, hands fidgeting with the front of her dress, and eyes on the floor as she faced the wall of her small room. When she didn’t respond, he seemed to take it as a sign to just continue talking, “I want to help with my daughter.”

For the first time in a long time, her eyes went wide and she turned to look at him. Really look at him for the first time since several months before she had given birth. He had aged a lot. She was sure she didn’t look much better than he did. Same as avoiding looking at other people, she avoided looking in mirrors. Occasionally, she caught sight of herself in a well shined pot and she was upset with what she saw. Lavender knew she had never been a pretty girl, but rather than maturing into what little decent features she had, she felt like she had skipped that phase and just moved straight into becoming a middle aged witch with lines around her eyes and creases in her forehead. Snape appeared to have gone along the same path.

She had been working here for nearly a year. She had seen the orders come in for his Fire Whiskey. Lavender was sure the hard drinking he had been doing wasn’t helping matters for him. She could still see what he had looked like as a teenager behind the lanky hair and forming facial lines, “Wh-what makes y-you think you have a d-d-daughter?”

“Ackerly, please, I know I haven’t been there before and there’s no excuse for that, but I want to help with Evelyn. I’ve never seen myself as a father, but I still want to help you both. Or at least her, if you will let me.”

Lavender had never been the brightest, but she wasn’t as stupid as her former husband thought her to be. She knew what he meant, but that didn’t mean she had to accept it, “Why w-would you have any-anything to do with E-Evelyn?” she said it as sternly as she could.

She watched the confusion on his face. As if he were expecting her to just accept the things he was saying and go along with it. In the past, she might have. That’s how it always was. She just did what everyone told her to. It was simpler that way. Sadly, as much as she wanted to, Lavender knew it wasn’t an option. It would be easy to just give up and let Snape have whatever it was he was wanting, but she had too much to lose if she did, “Because...Because she’s my daughter,” she could tell that it was difficult for him to say. It was something he was still trying to process himself.

It wasn’t often that her mouth and tongue worked properly enough to speak without stuttering, but those rare occasions were usually either out of anger or something more extreme, “She is not your daughter.”

Snape seemed shocked by her sternness. She wouldn’t be surprised if he had been expecting her, again, to just accept it, “I know I haven’t been there for you or her, Ackerly. Again, there’s no excuse for that. I’m a terrible person and I’ve done terrible things. I guess it is wrong to say she is my daughter when I haven’t really done anylpzthing to earn being called her father. I would like a chance to change that.”

“You...You mis-misunderstand me. Sh-she’s not your d-daughter. She is a Rosier. She is E-E-Evan Rosier’s d-ddaughter.”

They were both silent for a moment before Snape’s face hardened a little, “You can’t be serious?”

Lavender turned her back on him again. Her fingers gripping the front of her dress tighter. It was painful to not just say what she really wanted, but she knew she couldn’t, “Jus-Just go.”

“I’m not leaving without you and I having a proper conversation about this,” she could tell it wasn’t easy for him to say that. In the past, he preferred to speak with her as little as possible. She had felt much the same way. Having awkward conversations with the man holding her captive about the sex they had was the last thing she had wanted.

“Get out!” she finally snapped loudly. It seemed to take Snape by surprise as he stumbled back a little. The sternness returned to his face quickly as he regained his composure.

Not many would have noticed the changes in him, but Lavender saw them. He was still sullen and cold, but there was something more depressive about it now. It wasn’t just the overly exaggerated aging. His appearance might not have been so harsh if the way he held himself were different.

While in their younger years, he had dressed rather down, towards their last few years in school she always thought he dressed rather fitting for himself. The black pants, the black shirts, and the dark red or green vest. It wasn’t the most handsome of outfits and she knew for a fact from having lived with him that he had a limited wardrobe. But now, it was still fitting for him, but there was just something colder about it. He may have still been wearing the fitted pants and shirts, but that was unable to be seen with the heavy cloak he was wearing. Everytime he came to the Leaky Cauldron, he always wore it. It made him look bigger than he was. It was also very old fashioned. More and more wizards were taking to everyday clothing and leaving behind the robes. Meanwhile, Snape had went from everyday clothing to robes. There was something depressing about it.

None of that mattered right now though.

All that mattered was protecting her daughter. Not that she really though Snape would hurt Evelyn. In fact, he seemed to be deluding himself into thinking that she was his daughter, “Ackerly, I’m not leaving without us talking about this first.”

Lavender tightened her jaw and she narrowed her eyes at him. It was her job to do this, “Th-there is nothing to talk-talk about. I was a vir-virgin when I got m-m-married. Evan was the only man I h-have ever been with. He is the-the only possible p-person that could be Evelyn’s fa-fa-father. This discussion is o-over. Get out or I...I’ll get Tom to have you th-thrown out. Now go!”

When Snape took a step towards her, she flinched a little and he paused, “We’re not done talking about this, but you’re obviously not in the right mind right now to discuss it,” he said firmly.

“D-don’t tell me ab-about my s-s-state of mind,” she snapped as he sighed heavily and started for the door, “Just st-stay away from us!”

There was no response from him this time. He left the room, slamming the door as he went, and she collapsed to the floor in a pile and started sobbing. Why did he have to keep pestering her? Couldn’t he just leave them alone? Lavender felt like he owed it to her to just leave her be, but he wouldn’t. He’d finally got what he wanted this time. To corner her into a conversation, but she was sure he hadn’t got what he wanted out of it.

Deep down, she wanted to tell him the truth, but she knew she couldn’t. He wouldn’t understand. If she did, it would cost Evelyn too much. Her daughter deserved a better life and Lavender was going to make sure she got it.

At the moment, she wished she were alone in the world. Maybe even, just a little, that she had died in the woods that night.


	22. Chapter 22

It was easy to see that her little stunt had affected her mother greatly. She realized now how selfish her actions had been. There must have been a reason why her mother kept turning Mr. Snape away. The man did tell her that he was her real father, but then why was her mother so insistent that he wasn’t? Maybe he was worse than the man she had been raised to believe was her father. He didn’t seem kind, but he hardly seemed like the monster who had hurt her mother so much. Still, she wouldn’t keep pushing him away if he wasn’t a monster too, right?

Evelyn had never pushed her luck with her mother before and she was regretting it now. When the man she now believed to be her real father left, he told her that if she needed anything, she could contact him. Her mother had been crying on the floor when she went into their shared bedroom at the Leaky Cauldron after that. She tried to talk to her mother, but the older woman didn’t want to talk. That’s how it always was. There was never any talking between them.

Eventually, she helped her mother climb into bed and tucked the woman in to rest. It was a little upsetting that she was having to mother her own mother, but she supposed it was partly her fault. If she hadn’t lied and run off like she did, then her mother wouldn’t have been a sobbing mess on the floor. 

That guilt only lasted for a day though. There was only so much the child could put up with. It was easy to let her mother lay in bed all the next day. Mr. Tom understood and allowed her to skip her work that day. He was even understanding the day after when she wouldn’t come out of bed and Evelyn had to tend to her. Not that there was much tending needing to be done. For the most part, her mother just slept.

By the third day, Mr. Tom was starting to get upset and Evelyn tried to do some of her mother’s daily chores. But when Mr. Tom found out, he told her that if her mother wasn’t up for working by the end of the week, he was going to have to start considering hiring someone else. Evelyn was young, but she knew what that meant. They would have to find a new place to live and her mother would have to find some other sort of employment.

“Mum...Mum, you have to get out of bed,” she shook the woman’s shoulder a little, but she barely responded, “Mum, please, you’re scaring me,” she was just a little girl and she knew this wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Evelyn was smart. She saw the muggle children when she went out that time and she saw the wizarding children come through with their families. this wasn’t right. Even the mothers and fathers who seemed a little meaner than others, at least they were up and taking their children out and attempting to be a family. 

Why did they get to have a mother and a father? Why did they get to go out and shop around Diagon Alley with their parents? Why did they get to go home to real houses? Why weren’t they expected to take care of their melancholy parents?

It was jealousy again. Sitting there in the pit of her stomach. Making her chest tighten and her little lips frown heavily.

“Mum, please, Mr. Tom says he’s going to fire you. We won’t have anywhere to go,” she wasn’t so sure if the Ackerly’s would let her mother back. She was sure they would take her in, but not so much on her mother. Evelyn didn’t know what made her mother so bitter towards them, but she doubted her mother would even allow herself to go back there, “Please, Mum, please get up…”

The older woman just grunted a little before burrowing further into the thin blanket. 

Her little brow furrowed and she felt tears in her eyes. Evelyn did her best to not let them fall, but it was difficult, “Fine. Be that way. I’m supposed to be the child, not you,” she said softly before wiping the back of her sleeve against her nose and rubbing her eyes a little before climbing off the bed.

It was hard not to think about Mr. Snape and his admission that he did believe himself to be her father. Anytime she looked in the mirror, she saw more and more similar features. It wasn’t just appearances. She thought about the way he talked during their short conversation and the way she saw him move. There were a lot of similarities in that too. He had this sort of twitch and she had started noticing it in her own walk too. She saw so much of herself in her mother and Mr. Snape; and nothing of herself in what she knew of her father and the one picture she’d seen of him.

Mr. Snape couldn’t be a monster like her father had been. She was sure of it. He wanted to help them. She was sure of that too. He’d told her to contact him if she needed anything and, right now, Evelyn felt in desperate need. The Ackerly’s and Mr. Tom had been useless at getting through to the older woman. While it was fighting with Mr. Snape that made her mother upset in the first place, she didn’t see who else to turn to.

Lying to Mr. Tom that she wanted to send an owl to the Ackerly’s, Evelyn sent one to Mr. Snape instead. Begging him to come back to the Leaky Cauldron. That she needed his help.

Part of her hadn’t expected him to show up, but he did. It was late in the night, but he came to their room and knocked, “What’s wrong?” he said softly as she stood outside the room with him, “Has your mother finally decided to talk to me?”

It pained her to speak ill of her mother and invite back someone who caused the older witch such distress, but she didn’t know what else to do. Tears finally poured down her cheeks, “I don’t know what to do,” she cried, “Mum won’t get out of bed. She won’t talk. Mr. Tom is going to fire her and throw us out. You made her like this, you have to fix it,” she finally demanded, “I...I’m scared.”

Covering her face with her hands and sobbing quietly, all Evelyn wanted was a normal family. She wanted a mother and a father. She wanted to dress like the other kids she saw. She wanted to be able to smile more. Was it normal for someone her age to feel the way she did? Evelyn couldn’t believe so. She already knew she was different from other kids, but did that mean she didn’t deserve a nice family? Or any kind of family? It just seemed so unfair.

Feeling his hand on her shoulder, she looked up to see him staring at the room door, “Go get something to eat and stay down stairs. You can tell Tom that I’m handling it.”


	23. Chapter 23

The confrontation with Ackerly hadn’t been well for him either. Granted, he wasn’t curled up in a ball in a bed practically catatonic, but his drinking had increased in those few days. He kept thinking about the last time he and Ackerly were together. Compared to their few times before then, there had been little kissing. She kissed him initially after saying she wasn’t married yet. His mind had wandered to where it always did. Lily. Ackerly pushed her underwear down and leaned back against the door as he unfastened his belt. The physical sensation had been the same as it always was.

It was entirely possible that had been the day she got pregnant. 

It made him feel disgusted in himself.

He’d always believed that his father had forced his mother into sex and that was how he’d been conceived. Even if she hadn’t been forced into it, he still believed that his mother had never really wanted to be with his father. He’d been conceived in bitterness, hate, and possibly even out of spite. Was Evelyn’s conception so different from that? He’d brought a child into the world the same way he’d been brought into it. Even if Ackerly had consented...could she really consent? She was a hostage. It made him feel ill to think about.

When the owl first showed up, Severus had been confused and had to read it twice. Evelyn was asking him to come to the Leaky Cauldron. She was scared and needed help. He hadn’t actually expected the girl to try to contact him, especially so soon. Tom and her grandparents seemed a more natural choice to go to. She couldn’t have exhausted those options yet, could she?

Tempted to just write back asking what the situation was, he decided better and to just go. If he wrote back, she might not reply again. Or worse, what if it was something important and he just wasted time.

Evelyn answered the room door. The poor girl looked a mess. Her little face couldn’t hide whatever emotions were running through her body. It was just a look of utter sadness and misery, “Mum won’t get out of bed. She won’t talk. Mr. Tom is going to fire her and throw us out. You made her like this, you have to fix it,” she demanded as she cried, “I...I’m scared.”

Severus knew those feelings. He remembered his mother spending night and day in a bed, barely moving, not speaking. The difference was that Ackerly didn’t have a husband there to go in and smack her with a belt over the shoulders. He remembered his father storming in and yanking his mother from her bed and shoving her into the hallway. Shouting at her as he sat huddled in a corner with his hands over his ears to try to drown out the sounds. While he hated his father for those things, he knew that his mother would have likely laid in that bed till she died of starvation. He didn’t feel it justified the older man’s actions in the slightest, but he knew it had prolonged her life a little bit. Ackerly needed someone to pull her out of it.

Reaching down, he set his hand on her small shoulder for a moment, “Go get something to eat and stay down stairs. You can tell Tom that I’m handling it.”

He waited till Evelyn was gone before opening the door and heading inside. The room smelled stale. There was a scent under it that he recognized. Fire Whiskey. He doubted Evelyn knew what it was, but he knew that smell. Evelyn seemed to be under the impression that her mother hadn’t moved from the bed in days, but she would have to get the whiskey somehow. Likely while the little girl was sleeping. Did Tom know she was drinking? 

Drinking herself to sleep and then sleeping all day. He’d be a liar if he said he hadn’t done that several times over the years.

Walking closer to the bed, Ackerly appeared to be out cold. Her form was a lump under the blanket. He leaned down and lifted the bed skirt a little and looked under. Severus saw what he expected. There were two empty bottles of whiskey under the bed. Sighing softly, he stood back up and sat on the edge of the bed, “Wake up, Ackerly,” he said firmly, “We need to talk.”

She didn’t respond and he decided to just keep talking, “Look...I’m sorry for everything. I should have...I should have just let you go and helped get you and your family somewhere safe and just taken the punishment for it,” it was surprisingly easy to say the words. Maybe because she was unconscious and didn’t seem to be able to hear him, “I shouldn’t have let you marry Rosier. When I found out you were pregnant, I should have tried harder to do something to help you. I shouldn’t have upset you the other day. I just...I don’t know why you won’t admit that Evelyn is my daughter.”

“But I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard about it. I saw that you were getting upset and I just kept going. I don’t know why I do these things sometimes. I can’t even begin to imagine the things you’ve been going through. I just want you to know that I’m sorry and that I want to help you. I’m not going to back down this time just because you tell me too. I’ve done that too many times. There are many people I could have helped more than I did and I won’t let that happen again. You and Evelyn need help and I’m going to do whatever I can to help. Even if you won’t admit that she’s my child.”

“I just hope that someday you can forgive me enough to admit that she is mine.”

Taking a deep breath, he stood up and turned around to pull the blanket from her face. It reminded him of when he first saw her laying on the ground in the woods. She looked waxy and near death. Not from blood loss this time. Rather she was slowly killing herself with whiskey and lack of activity. He wasn’t far off from reaching that level himself at times. He heard that people were supposed to look like angels when the slept. Severus was sure himself and Ackerly were the exception to that rule.

Walking to the bathroom, he got a wash cloth damp and fill a glass with water. On his way back to the bed, he grabbed a piece of bread from a small table. It smelled stale, but not moldy yet. He guessed that was where Ackerly and Evelyn usually ate.

Sitting down again, he dabbed the damp cloth along her forehead and cheeks, “Wake up, Ackerly. We have to talk,” it was said softer than his original statement, “You need to get some water and food in you.”

It took a good twenty minutes to get her from groaning in annoyance and pain to sitting up a little against the pillows, “Go a-away. P-p-please,” she pleaded with him, “J-ust leave me alone,” it was tempting to just give her what she wanted and go.

“I can’t. Evelyn asked me to come here and help you.”

“She...she’s not...she’s not y-yours.”

Severus took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking again, “It’s not about that. You’re a sorry excuse for a mother right now…”

Her eyes narrowed at him and he did his best not to take it too personally, “How...how d-dare y-you…”

“How dare I what? I’m not the one with a child to take care of and spending my time passed out all day drunk in bed,” he watched her pale cheeks go red, “Do you have a plan? Because I highly doubt you paid for those bottles and Tom is only understanding to a point. I think you’ve reached that point. Where are you going to go live? Where are you going to go work? How are you going to get Evelyn her school supplies in a few years? How are you going to protect her when people realize she has a Death Eater’s name? Surely you remember how I was treated in school, do you really want that for her? Or do you want her to get walked over like you did?”

The blond witch went silent. Clutching the water glass he’d given her and staring down at her feet. Severus felt guilty over the part he’d played in how her life had turned out. She wasn’t a bad person. He wondered what she might have been if she hadn’t got caught up in it all that night. Graduated, left behind by her friends as they went to fight and she didn’t have the nerve to do it, let her family find her a wizard to marry, have a child, and live a perfectly average life. Or, alternatively, she wouldn’t marry. Her family would be unable to find anyone to marry their perfectly average daughter. She’d spend her life living in her parent’s home. A spinster one day. A sad old woman with no family of her own, left alone in her family house once her parents passed, no friends to come see her. Either way, perhaps it would have been better than this.

Then again, maybe not. 

The second ending to her life wasn’t so different from his current one. There was a high chance she could have become him some day. 

“Wh-why do you care?”

He took another deep breath and thought over his words carefully, “Because I’m partially responsible and...and even if I wasn’t...I just want to help,” he wouldn’t accept full responsibility. Her friends could have come back for her that night. She could have taken his offer to run away before the wedding, “Come live me with me. I can help take care of you and Evelyn,” Severus was sure she would turn down his offer, but he still had to do it

The look of confusion on her face was what he expected, “Wh-what?”

“The upstairs of the house will belong to you and Evelyn. The basement to me. The front room, kitchen, and bathroom shared. You won’t be expected to pay me anything. Nor to cook or clean for me. You’ll keep working here, if Tom will let you. You’ll save your wages and they will be spent on Evelyn. I’ll take care of household expenses. I’m working at Hogwarts,” which he saw the surprise in her face at that one, “So I will be gone most of the year. All I ask is that you don’t drink anymore,” he’d have to give it up to, but Severus realized it was time to do that, “And take better care of yourself.”

“I don’t...I don’t un-understand. Why?” 

“As I said, I am partially responsible for everything. That being said, again, I want to help you. You deserve a chance to take care of your child in a way some may not have got to take care of theirs,” he thought of his own mother. If his father had died sooner, like Rosier had, perhaps he would have stood a better chance in life. If there had been someone around to care for him and his mother. Just someone to help support her while she raised him. Things may have turned out differently, “I have done nothing good in my life. I want a chance to change that and help you in the process.”

“Y-you’re joking…” the look on her face was one he could understand.

“Have I ever joked about anything?”

Ackerly was silent for a moment. As if she were thinking over every interaction they had ever had to find a joking moment to justify her comment, “I can’t...I can’t…”

“You don’t have to decide right now. Tom has given you till the end of the week to get your act together. I leave for Hogwarts in a month. Let me know sometime between now and then. Evelyn knows how to contact me.”

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this story "Raro Amor Blooms" is latin for 'Rarely Love Blooms'.


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